April’s Real Blog Deleted Scene
I had planned this one for today but circumstances are such that I cannot use it in April’s Real Blog. I decided to share it with you here instead. I enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it.
April: Mom I just got home from school. I met this nice girl named Eva on the school bus. Who’s that?
Elly: I held auditions for your new best friend and this is the friend I have selected.
April: Mooom! I don’t need a new best friend and I especially don’t need a new best friend that you picked.
Elly: Don’t be rude to our guest April. I would like to introduce you to O. Ranga Tan, your new best friend and her trainer, Kip.
Kip: G’day.
April: Mooom! That’s a monkey in a diaper and a dress, wearing its hair in a bun! I can’t be best friends with a monkey.
Elly: April, I’m surprised at your racism. You can tell by Ranga’s last name, she is obviously an Oriental with a little extra hair. I am sure that you will learn so much from her by being her friend, with my guidance, of course.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga likes you. She likes your choice of shoes. Say, “Thank you.”
April: Mom. This monkey is trying to eat my shoes.
Elly: April. It is rude not to say “Thank you” when you get a compliment.
April: Thank you Ranga for ruining my favourite shoes.
Elly: That’s much better, April.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga is trying to teach you math by counting on her fingers. I think she must be saying, “Math is interesting this year, isn’t it.”
April: Mom. The monkey isn’t saying that. You got that from the educational promotion ad on TV, just like everyone else at school. It is so not funny when you say it.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga likes you. She likes your choice of hair clip. Say, “Thank you.”
April: Mom. This monkey is picking through my hair looking for bugs. Eww!! Get off monkey!
Elly: April. I thought I just told you this. It is rude not to say “Thank you” when you get a compliment.
Kip: Down Ranga! Down!
April: Mom. The monkey is on the cabinet breaking your dishes.
Elly: Nonsense. Ranga is trying to show you proper dinner etiquette and is getting a little upset at your lack of attention.
Kip: Put those down Ranga! Down!
April: Mom. The monkey is digging into its diaper and throwing stuff. Eww!!
Elly: Nonsense. Ranga is trying to show you the importance of good hygiene.
Kip: Keep that diaper on Ranga! On!
April: Mom. The monkey is grabbing your muffins and latte!
Elly: {Gasp} Where’s my frying pan? {Grabs it}
{Many sounds of clanging and a monkey falling unconscious on the floor}
April: So what do you think of Ranga now?
Elly: Ranga has reminded me of a very important lesson.
April: What’s that?
Elly: A girl’s always got to protect her muffins. Now tell me about Eva. Does she wear her hair in a bun?
April: Mom I just got home from school. I met this nice girl named Eva on the school bus. Who’s that?
Elly: I held auditions for your new best friend and this is the friend I have selected.
April: Mooom! I don’t need a new best friend and I especially don’t need a new best friend that you picked.
Elly: Don’t be rude to our guest April. I would like to introduce you to O. Ranga Tan, your new best friend and her trainer, Kip.
Kip: G’day.
April: Mooom! That’s a monkey in a diaper and a dress, wearing its hair in a bun! I can’t be best friends with a monkey.
Elly: April, I’m surprised at your racism. You can tell by Ranga’s last name, she is obviously an Oriental with a little extra hair. I am sure that you will learn so much from her by being her friend, with my guidance, of course.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga likes you. She likes your choice of shoes. Say, “Thank you.”
April: Mom. This monkey is trying to eat my shoes.
Elly: April. It is rude not to say “Thank you” when you get a compliment.
April: Thank you Ranga for ruining my favourite shoes.
Elly: That’s much better, April.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga is trying to teach you math by counting on her fingers. I think she must be saying, “Math is interesting this year, isn’t it.”
April: Mom. The monkey isn’t saying that. You got that from the educational promotion ad on TV, just like everyone else at school. It is so not funny when you say it.
Ranga: {monkey noises}
Elly: See. Ranga likes you. She likes your choice of hair clip. Say, “Thank you.”
April: Mom. This monkey is picking through my hair looking for bugs. Eww!! Get off monkey!
Elly: April. I thought I just told you this. It is rude not to say “Thank you” when you get a compliment.
Kip: Down Ranga! Down!
April: Mom. The monkey is on the cabinet breaking your dishes.
Elly: Nonsense. Ranga is trying to show you proper dinner etiquette and is getting a little upset at your lack of attention.
Kip: Put those down Ranga! Down!
April: Mom. The monkey is digging into its diaper and throwing stuff. Eww!!
Elly: Nonsense. Ranga is trying to show you the importance of good hygiene.
Kip: Keep that diaper on Ranga! On!
April: Mom. The monkey is grabbing your muffins and latte!
Elly: {Gasp} Where’s my frying pan? {Grabs it}
{Many sounds of clanging and a monkey falling unconscious on the floor}
April: So what do you think of Ranga now?
Elly: Ranga has reminded me of a very important lesson.
April: What’s that?
Elly: A girl’s always got to protect her muffins. Now tell me about Eva. Does she wear her hair in a bun?
posted by howard at 9:03 AM
6 Comments:
LOL! Please see the "meta" for an apology from a Martian you know as aprilp_katje.
I'll be Bill Bixby, if you'll be Ray Walston.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Please come back, howtheduck!
schmoosie, I loved the post and thought it worked perfectly with what I posted. Please put it back. Please. Please.
As for your concerns. Work is very busy now. My step-mom's dad just died and her mom will be soon. I need to take some time from the Meta for awhile and rethink Howard and just do Jeremy and the constable, who are not as time-consuming.
Virtual hugs to you during this time.
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