Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!

Today’s new-run of For Better or For Worse is one of the most insidious kind, because after viewing it, people may actually get the idea to try what Michael does to Lizzie and stick Strawberry Jam in their toddler's ears to try and get their dog to lick them. My wife used to work as an audiologist and the phrase I heard from her over and over is “Never put anything smaller than your elbow in your ear!”

Years ago, when I was a young lad, I was playing a game with a friend where I hid a piece of paper on my person and he had to guess where it was. I rolled up the paper and stuck it in my ear. Success! My friend had no idea where it was; but then I discovered I couldn’t get it out. My father tried to remove with a pair of tweezers and I passed out from the pain. The next day, the doctor took it out with a pair of very long, very thing, tweezer-like implements. No problem, but I still remember passing out.

Don’t put stuff in your ears, and especially don’t put stuff in your one-year-old sister’s ears. I don’t care how cute Lynn Johnston makes it.

NOTE: I will be on a Boy Scout over night trip tonight, so if there are any entries tomorrow, they will be late.

Good Friends Ask Good Questions. Stupid Friends….

In today’s new-run in For Better or For Worse, we see Elly Patterson trotting out the “Why I am Going to Quit Creative Writing” excuses. Apparently enough time has passed that Elly is not longer sick, and apparently Lynn Johnston has opted not to show Elly having a prolonged illness. Instead Lynn Johnston has opted to list a series of excuses.

1. “Last week, Lizzie was sick, then I was.” Hum. We saw Elly get sick and she says that time occurred after Lizzie was sick, which we did not see. Since Lizzie was sick last week, this implies that whole period of sickness was at best one week. Let us recollect that this is a night class held once a week. Even though Elly has mentioned 2 illnesses, this can only account for 1 missed class. Not only that, but why would Elly need to miss a class because Lizzie is sick? John was already planning to take care of the kids that night anyway.

2. John had a meeting one week and we couldn’t find a sitter. I presume this is one occasion and not two. It appears that Elly has forgotten "Annie is just a call away." I also wonder why Elly never considers Connie as possible baby-sitting material. She always seems to go to Anne or hire someone. To tell Connie that she had to skip a class she desperately wants to take because she couldn't find a sitter, seems just a tad on the insulting side if you are Connie.

That’s our list. 2 missed classes, and Elly is frustrated because she wants to write and she can’t because she missed 2 classes. Connie then counters that if Elly really wanted to write, she would have already done her Christmas newsletter. If Elly lived in the United States she would hear my cry, “But it’s not even Thanksgiving yet.” Or other possible alternatives are:

a. Do you know there is a difference between writing a newsletter and writing a fiction story?
b. And what does that have to do with anything? I haven't addressed Christmas cards either.
c. Are you saying that you are not a good friend? Because that certainly was not a good question.

Ironically, going back to the beginning of this, Elly has chosen to do Creative Writing because she “had to run out of excuses before (she) ran out of time.” It seems like Elly is pretty good at making those excuses. Maybe she should write a book of excuses.

Meanwhile, Back in the Days Before Car Seats

In today’s reprint in For Better or For Worse, we see young Michael Patterson, who is 6-years-old in the redo version of the strip and was 5-years-old in the original publication, sitting in the front seat with only a seat belt to protect him. Although the strip is ostensibly to show how much Elly appreciates Michael’s wish that he could make her feel better, judging from the last panel, with Elly pulling young Michael Patterson out of his seat and across her chest while she is driving, I think that perhaps the true purpose of the strip is to demonstrate the need for a car seat for young Michael.

However, I am showing the car seat bias of my country. As near as I can tell from an internet search, Canadian child safety seat laws are a lot less stringent than those of the United States. According to the internet search, in Canada parents and guardians are required to use child safety seats for toddlers (0-18 kg). Since Michael is supposed to be 6 years old and the average weight for a 6-year-old boy is about 21 kg, it is legal for Michael not to be in a car seat. For my purposes, I did check to see about the availability of car seats back in 1979. I found this history and this history and this history.

Even in the United States, back in 1979, the use of car seats was not nearly as prevalent as it is today, but they were available. I remember my childhood in the 1960s, when I used to ride in the back window of the car or in the floor board. I loved those times. In the back window, I could look at the stars and listen to the radio, because the speaker was right by my head. In the floorboard was where the heater was, and it was the warmest place in the car on days when it was cold. Of course, looking at the history of car seats, I realize now that I was one of the fortunate kids who did not end up in a car accident, which would have surely killed me being in either of those positions. Car seats dramatically decreased the number of deaths of children in cars, just as the introduction of seat belts cut the number of automobile deaths for adults by a very high percentage.

Looking at Michael in the final panel, I want to caption his thoughts. I think they must be:

a. Can’t breathe. Can’t breathe!
b. Yikes! I wish I could make you smell better.
c. Look out for that truck!
d. Both hands on the wheel, dammit!
e. I guess I’m going to get sick too! Thanks, mom!
f. I like it when she screams at me more than this.

Elly vs. the Monster Head

Elly doesn’t say a word (or even think a word) in today’s new-run of For Better or For Worse. In fact, this strip was made for reaction faces from Elly. It’s too bad she doesn’t give any. She’s giving Michael looks as if he were a stray dog following her around or as if she is wondering where she needs to be. This is one of the oddest things about the new-runs vs. the reprints from the first year. The first year strips used to be filled with Elly's facial reactions to the things going on around her. Just going back to the “I want my mom” strip from Monday, Elly’s facial reactions are what make that strip work. With the modern stuff, all we get is blank looks.

Instead of Elly, we have the verbal enthusiasm of young Michael Patterson over his monster head. The punch line is that he managed to think of something so awful that his creativity was censored by the fine folks at KidKraft. In other words, isn’t it so cute that boys like gross and disgusting things, and think they are cool? Don't think too hard about what Michael would have to create that would be too gross to be allowed. Could it be Satan?

As for the saga of Elly and her illness I don’t know what to think of it. Thanks to having to pick up Mike, Elly could be sick until 11:45, but then doesn’t manage to stay in bed even until then. Her style of nightgown completely changed, which made me think a day had passed. But then we see her looking reasonably healthy (except for the nose) when picking up Mike, so it has to be the same day, unless the teachers have more than one day off. It seems like Elly has managed to be infected by the "Pity me" disease, which only flares up with Elly wants pity.

The Walking Dead

I remember seeing a sequence in one of those old zombie movies, where the live humans go to a shopping mall and see the zombies going through the motions of shopping as if they were re-enacting their former pre-zombie lives. In today’s new-run of For Better or For Worse, I was reminded of that moment seeing Elly going through the motions of doing laundry, even though she looks like she has lost 20 pounds and all her hair from her illness.

Here’s a joke for you: How are zombie Elly Patterson and sick Elly Patterson alike?

Answer: They both are looking for brains.

At least in today's strip, we see a hint of the old style of treating Elly Patterson, where Lynn Johnston would set us up to laugh at Elly's very human nature. I have to admit that I have been known to do work (not laundry) when I was supposed to be in bed resting. I like the fact that this is not a moment where Elly is doing the laundry when she is ill to show how tough she is, or what a great mom she is, or how awful her family is to her. It's not a great strip, but it comes off well compared to some of the awful strips we have seen in the last year.

I Want My Mom (Hint. Hint.)

About 3 minutes into the 1980 CBC interview with Lynn Johnston is her physical re-enactment of today’s reprint of For Better or For Worse. It’s fun to see that interview considering that 50% of the strips we have seen over the last year came from Lynn during that time period.

As for the claims of Elly Patterson, they are pretty much the case. We have seen her take care of the kids when they were sick, read them stories (and maybe not rocking them to sleep), and we have seen Elly rub John’s back. The part which strikes me at this point, after 30 years of observing the strip is the phrase “I want my mom!”

In later years, Grandma Marian became a port-mortem, sentimentalized favourite, but it was a rarer occurrence when the real-life Grandma Marian was still alive. However, when it comes to illness, Grandma Marian did still receive positive notice from Elly Patterson as in this strip. Whatever ill feeling Lynn had towards her mother, she seemed to appreciate the positive attention her mother gave her when she was sick.

At the heart of the matter though, is the idea that no one takes care of a sick mother. With my wife, taking care of her when she was sick during our courtship years, was a significant test as to whether I was husband material. Although we saw John make arrangements for the kids in Saturday's strip, I notice that even in the new-run strip on Friday, John does little more for Elly than tell her to go to bed and promise her that she can take tomorrow off (a promise he fails to keep).

After all, it’s one thing to say that your husband doesn’t help you with the kids or around the house, but even the traditional 1950s husband would step up when his wife was sick. Nevertheless, I am sure that many men don’t do this for their wives and let them fend for themselves even when they are sick. No doubt today’s strip strikes those women where they live. This is a significant slam against John Patterson. After all, the line is:

For better or for worse,
for richer, for poorer,
in sickness and in health,
to love and to cherish;
from this day forward
until death do us part.

John is failing the sickness part, and back in the 1980 CBC interview, this, of all strips, is the one that Lynn Johnston chose to re-enact. Even 29 years later looking at it, I feel for Dr. Rod Johnston. I can imagine the first time someone said to him, "Dr. Johnston. What kind of doctor are you that you don't take care of your wife?"

Another Farley Abuse Strip

Some months back, I wrote into the For Better or For Worse Coffee Talk community to complain about the disturbing trend in the strip’s new-runs to show Farley the dog being abused and I specifically mentioned this strip with Elly brushing Farley as an example. Since then, we have had Farley forced into wearing women’s underwear, Farley getting shaved, and Farley frightened by lightning (which isn’t all that bad).

And then we have today’s new-run in For Better or For Worse with the most blatant example of Farley abuse to date. At the end of 6 solid panels of Elly screaming at Farley, Farley ends the sequence by licking Elly’s feet, which is a geniune sign of affection for a dog, or an inclination to lick the feet for the salty taste. Although after taking a good look at Elly’s naked feet, I can easily see why it is that Lynn most often has Elly wearing shoes or socks. Those things are hideous, but they do look very salty.