Gordon and Tracey Fall In Love

 

Interviewer:  We are talking to Gordon and Tracey Mayes about the episode titled “Gordon and Tracey Fall In Love”.  This is where the two of you fall in love.  Isn’t this a beautiful story?

Tracey:  Honestly, looking back on it now, there is a lot about our reenactment of our love story that never made it off the cutting room floor as they say.

Interviewer:  What do you mean?

Gordon:  The way they showed it, it makes it seem like this dance was the first time Michael had gone out with Tracey.

Tracey:  It was nowhere near the first time.   December, the year before, Gordon and I and Mike and Martha went on a group date.  Gordon made a big freaking deal about how he did not want to date me.

Interviewer:  Ironic, considering how things ended up.

Gordon:  Yes.  I was an idiot around girls.

Tracey:  It was nothing to compared to “hormone attacks”.

Gordon:  Don’t remind me. 

Interviewer:  You went on that double date, which I liked.  I wish that there had been more of those.

Gordon:  Me too.  It seemed normal and comfortable.

Tracey:  Me three, but after Gordon said “No” to dating me, that was the end of the group dates.  Plus it was right after that, Mike asked me out.

Interviewer:  Whoa!  Mike was dating you before he broke up with Martha?

Tracey:  He was broken up with her.  They never went out.  He even went to New Years’ Eve at Gordon’s house with just the guys which is not something you do when you are dating.  He just never told her “officially” they were broken up, but they were done. I feel no guilt about this.

Gordon:  I kept on trying to get Mike to get back together with Martha and I couldn’t figure out why it was failing.  Martha is not stupid.  Eventually she broke things off with him.  That made Mike really mad, because he wanted to be the one to break up with her. 

Interviewer:  Why did he wait so long?

Gordon:  Michael is the king of procrastinating.  I think he was waiting for the right moment to really let her have it. 

Interviewer:  Let her have it?

Tracey:  Like with a snarky e-mail or a letter he wrote with a lot of poetry in it. 

Interviewer:  Rough treatment from the king of writers.  What happened after that?

Tracey:  Mike and I kept on dating and with Martha finally gone, I thought we were doing well.  Mike would tell me how much he liked the way I dressed like a guy and I how I let him do all the talking.  He wanted me to cut my hair so I looked more like a guy, but I never could do that.  I liked my hair shoulder length, but the hair was a problem for Mike.  I think that was when he started going out with other women. 

Gordon:  Unknown to Tracey, Mike and I started double-dating with two girls from out-of-town, Lindy and Cindy.  There’s the reenactment we did.  Lindy has short hair, so Mike really liked her.  We went to the beach and spent all day and night with them, if you know what I mean. 

 

 

Tracey:  I think they know.  Big Valentine over the car in the reenactment means sex.  Mike told me not to tell Gordon we were dating and he told Gordon not to tell anyone about Lindy and Cindy.  So one day, Gordon announced to everyone he had lost his virginity in Mrs. Patterson’s car.  He didn’t say that Mike was there with another girl too, but he didn’t really have to.

Gordon:  Technically, I never said we were dating Lindy and Cindy, so I did not break my promise to Mike not to tell.   

Tracey:  That’s a technicality.  “In Mrs. Patterson’s car” was the giveaway.

Gordon:  Right.  What you have to remember is that Michael never left a girl before he had another girl.  When he left Rhetta, he was already dating Deanna.  It’s the same here.  Mike was starting to get serious about Lindy and he had this zit, so it was a good opportunity to send me out with Tracey.  All that was cut from the reenactment.  The way they showed it, it makes it seem like this dance was the first time Michael had gone out with Tracey.

Interviewer:  That’s a lot to leave out.  Whatever happened to Lindy?

Gordon:  One word – Rhetta. 

Interviewer:  Okay.  Getting back to the reenactment.  Let’s look at this one.  You are in your garage and Michael comes in with a zit.

Gordon:  Funny story.  The script said “Snort” and Michael walked in and said “Snort” instead of making a snort noise.   I think it took him 10 times before he finally got it.  The director was about to lose her mind. 

Tracey:  You would think a guy with a giant zit on his nose would know how to snort.

Gordon:  Ha!  You would think.  About the place.  Obviously it’s not my house.  They have put together this set with a truck front end in it.  It’s supposed to be a garage at my house, but you can tell looking at all the room we had to walk around, it was a set.   Notice you never see the back of the truck.  This was the first time they showed me working on an engine.  I had been keeping my dad’s truck repaired for a long time, but this was the first time they showed it in a reenactment.  Also I have my hat on with the brim in front. That’s something I never do when I fix a truck because the brim gets in the way of seeing things.  But you have to have the costume and the hat is always on, brim in front, so there you are.

Tracey:  Mike has this zit they had to put on in makeup so it would really show up.  It was disgusting looking.  He walked about the set scaring people with it.  He didn’t really hide it on set, even though the reenactment showed him hiding it.

Gordon:  Mike comes in and I do a bit about how my dad is laid off and I had to give my mom money for groceries and I had to fix the truck.   The only one of those things that happened in real life was having to fix the truck.  Dad did get laid off once, but he had Employment Insurance (EI) temporary benefits, so they were never asking me to pay for the groceries.  The writers thought adding on would be more dramatic, but all it really did was make people think my dad was an idiot for not having EI.   

Interviewer:  Your truck was not working and you have to have it for the date.  What happened?

Gordon:  In real life, I fixed my truck.  Fastest repair job I ever did.  I barely got it done on time. 

Interviewer:  Tell me about the second part.

Gordon:  This part did happen in real life.  I was very suspicious that Mike had asked Tracey out on a date.   The last dance we went together as a group.  That was how Mike went to dances even when he was dating Martha.  Something was off.  I think the reenactment captured that very well.  I knew Michael was pulling some kind of trick, but I did not know what it was. 

Tracey:  I liked this part about how I was going to hang you with a rope if you showed up and Michael didn’t.

Gordon:  Tracey is the kindest and gentlest girl I know.  She would not even hang a fly.  I didn’t like that either.  We never said that in real life.  What did happen in real life was that Michael did want me to lie for him about why he was not going to be taking out Tracey.

Interviewer:  That leads us to this next part.  Did you say Michael was totally wigged out?  Did you really wear your hat to the date?

Gordon:  Yes to “wigged out,” but no to the hat.  They put me in my standard reenactment costume.  I have to wear that hat all the time.  I smelled a lot worse in the reenactment than I did in real life. 

Tracey:  That’s for sure.  When Gordon showed up at the set for my house, I couldn’t stop laughing.  They really did put him the same clothes he was wearing when he was fixing the truck and he smelled terrible.  I thought they were kidding, but they made him wear it for the whole dance.

Gordon:  They needed that physical recognition and they wanted me to wear the same outfit so the continuity guys wouldn’t have to remember where the grease stains were on my clothes.  I went right from the garage set next door to the set for Tracey’s house. 

Interviewer:  Okay then.  Was there any part of the story you liked?

Gordon:  Michael gave me $17.50 to take Tracey to the dance.

Tracey:  That was a very specific number.   Pretty funny.  And then they updated the story to make it $27.50, which is even funnier.  He has to count it out and Michael is not used to small change.  Does he hand Gordon two quarters or a 50-cent piece?  Does he give a toonie or two loonies?  It took him five times to count it out right, and then they decided to cut it.  I think there is a blooper reel somewhere that has him trying to count it.  It is hilarious.

 

Gordon:  In real life, Michael just handed me a couple of 20s.  Michael had a lot of money in those days.

Tracey:  Yeah, that Michael.  I see him on interviews about his books or his movie scripts and he is still all “I am so poor.  My wife runs a sewing school.  My kids spend all my money.”  It’s amazing.

Interviewer:  But aren’t you two known as the richest people in Milborough today?

Gordon:  Mayes Enterprises is doing very well.  That is true. 

Tracey:  So much better now that Anthony Caine is running that bed and breakfast with Elizabeth.  I still can’t believe that he left you to do that.  That’s a business where you have to get along with people. 

Gordon:  i think we need to be talking about something else.  That dance?  That zit?

Tracey:  Yes.  The zit was the reason for Gordon and me to go out, but there was no follow through.  The next day at school after the dance, there is no zit on Michael’s face. “Why did Gordon take you instead of Michael?  Michael had a zit.”  We had to cut all those scenes explaining why Gordon and I were dating because…no zit.  You can’t reenact a conversation about a zit if there is no zit to talk about.

Gordon:  The most important part of the story was that Tracey and I were together and so they decided to skip putting that zit make-up on Mike again.

Tracey:  Less time in the makeup chair, but only if you are a Patterson and can recover from having a giant zit on your face in just one day.

Gordon:  They do have good skin.

Tracey:  That they do and they have a lot of something else too.

Interviewer:  In real life, how did you feel when Gordon showed up instead of Michael?

Tracey:  Surprised obviously.  Michael had just broken up with Martha a few months earlier and so he didn’t waste any time asking me out.  I thought we were headed for a long term relationship.  It felt a little like having your husband’s best friend tell you that your husband wanted a divorce. 

Interviewer:  Just from dating for less than a year and skipping one date?

Tracey:  That’s how things are in Milborough.  Dates are sacred. 

Gordon:  Michael was telling me that Tracey was just a buddy and he was using her to cruise for other girls at the dance, but I knew that he was lying.  Michael asked me to take Tracey to the dance because he thought I was safe.  After all, why ask me?  Why not ask Brian or Lawrence?

Interviewer:  I thought Lawrence was gay.

Tracey:   Not yet.  We thought Brian was going to be the gay one. 

Interviewer:  What do you mean?

Gordon:  We knew one of us was going to be turned gay, but it had not been announced who it was going to be.

Interviewer:  I don’t think you can be turned gay.

Tracey:  You can in Milborough.

Interviewer:  Getting back to the story, you were devastated when Gordon came to pick you up. 

Tracey:   Yes I was.  It was like my first divorce.  My mind started racing, but Gordon calmed me down. 

Interviewer:  How did you do that?

Gordon:  I reminded her that Martin Bean was still available and he might want to commit, so she could ride home with him.  I know that sounds a little creepy now like Tracey was some kind of loose woman who would go home with anyone, but it was not uncommon in Milborough to go to high school dances to find a husband. 

Tracey:  It seems strange now, but those were different times. 

Gordon:  I talked about how I was going to try again with Allyson Creemore.  I wanted Tracey to know that just because we were on a date, it didn’t mean that we were getting married.  I mean, we ended up getting married, so I was completely ignorant about how things worked.

Tracey:  Speaking of Allyson Creemore. How is Allyson?

Gordon:  Don’t start.

Tracey:  The only thing bad about having a wealthy husband is having to deal with women who think they can take him away just because you put on a little weight.  Every time Allyson Creemore has trouble in a marriage you can be sure she is going to go car shopping wearing the shortest dress possible and she wants her old buddy, Gordon, to show her the cars.  Allyson had her chance at that dance and she blew it baby!  I got the rich husband and I paid my dues to get him.  Allyson can suck it!

Interviewer:  I take it that you don’t like Allyson.

Tracey:  She is the worst.  Almost as bad as Elizabeth Caine.

Interviewer:  Elizabeth Caine?  What?

Tracey:   Thinks that just because she was born a Patterson she deserves the richest guy in…

Gordon:  Tracey!!  Not here!

Tracey:  Sorry.  I apologize.  Please forget I said anything.

Interviewer:  I will be glad to.  What about Martin Bean?  Would you have married him?

Tracey:  Probably if he had been interested and available.  Martin was already at the dance with Jessica his future wife.  He and Jessica have two boys LL and Vanilla Ice, named after their favourite rappers.  We get a card from them every Christmas.

Gordon:  Oh right.   

Interviewer:   Is there anything else you remember about the ride to the dance?

Gordon:  The hover truck

Tracey:  Oh god yes, that truck and the set with that sideways road and the sideways buildings.

Gordon:  That took all day, because you know there was no CGI back then.  They had to build all that and put the road in sideways.

Tracey:  Then the stunt driver had to run the truck over a special track to put the truck not only in the air but sideways in the air. 

Gordon:  Tracey and I would do all the dialogue and because her stunt double was so short, they kept on telling Tracey to scrunch down in the seat so they would match.

Tracey:  Then we got out and we had to voice over the last bit while the stunt driver ran over that ramp to get the truck in the air.  That took all day to do.

Gordon:  I would like to say that it was worth it, but really…

Tracey:  Definitely not worth it.   It looks weird and the joke was something about how Gordon likes to think positive.  I still to this day do not know how that goes along with a sideways road and sideways building.

Gordon:  I was so positive, it changed the shape of reality.  I didn’t get it either.

Interviewer:  How was the dance?

Tracey:  In the beginning, it was strange.  They were playing the hit song “Boom Thud” by the Boom Thudders.  That was cool.

Gordon:  Completely dark.  That was not cool.  There were racks and racks of stage lights they put in the gymnasium, but they didn’t turn them on in the beginning.  It was pitch black.  People were wandering around bumping into each other saying, “What?”  “Who?”  Painful.  That’s what it was.

Tracey:  All you could see were vague silhouettes.

Interviewer:  Then what happened?

Tracey:  They turned the lights on.   Then Gordon did what every classy guy does.

Interviewer:  What was that?

Tracey:  Ignore his date to go stare at Allyson Freaking Creemore.

Gordon:  Don’t start.

Interviewer:  What did you do?

Tracey:  There was guy in school who had no eyes.  He would go around dances and if he got his hands on anyone’s pants, he would yank them up and say “Wedgie!”  All you had to do was aim him at someone and he would go do it.  I aimed him right at Gordon.  It was hilarious.

Gordon: I didn’t think it was that funny.  You were taking advantage of a blind guy.

Tracey:  He was glad to do it.  Any guy ignoring his date to the dance deserved a wedgie.

Interviewer:  I think a wedgie is when you grab someone’s underwear and pull it up. Not just pants.

Tracey:  Are we getting technical now?  Like I said, this guy had no eyes.  How was he going to know?

Interviewer: What was name?

Gordon:  I just called him “No Eye Wedgie”.

Tracey:  Wasn’t it the Blind Wedgiemonster?

Gordon:  “Mr. Wedgie No-look.”

Interviewer:  You didn’t know his name?

Tracey:  His real name was John Smith, but he preferred be called by his nicknames.  For the reenactment, they got a guy who could see to play the part.  You can’t do that anymore.  If they were to do the reenactment today, they would have to find a blind guy who gave people wedgies to play the part.

Interviewer:   To be fair to Gordon, didn’t you have an awkward conversation with Martin Bean?

Tracey:  They did stage that in the reenactment and they even had me call him “Marty.”  So funny.  Martin really hated it when people called him “Marty.”  No one called him “Marty.”  When we did the reenactment, Martin stared right at the camera.  He could not believe I called him “Marty.”  He had specifically requested a script change, but it didn’t matter.  The writers had an obsession with nicknames and they would not budge.

Gordon:  In the reenactments I call her Trace a lot, but not in real life. 

Tracey:  Nicknames.  Urgh.

Interviewer:  Not what happened in real life?

Tracey:  Oh no.  Martin and Jessica were close dancing, but not kissing like in the reenactment with the touching / non-touching section joke.  They were pretty strict about the kissing at high school dances.  Even so, there was no talking to him.  Martin Bean was always a long shot for me.  He was one of the nicest boys in school and one of the best-looking.  A lot of girls wanted to date him.  He was not a total loser like Allyson Creemore.

Gordon:  Don’t start.

Interviewer:   How about this section where you are dancing?

Gordon:  Look at my hands.  What was doing with my hands?

Tracey:  I think you were doing that dance where you wipe your hands on your shirt and your pants.

Gordon:  What was that dance called?  (Editor’s Note:  The Greasy Mechanic was a short-lived popular dance in 1992).

Tracey:   Look at me.  I am practically waving my butt at you.  I am such a slut!

Gordon:  I thought this was a family reenactment.

Tracey:  Shut up!  You’re the one who thinks my face looks good in green.

Gordon:  My little She-Hulk.

Tracey:  Stop it!  Thank God they didn’t put that line in the reenactment.  In the colourized version I am so glad they did not colour my face green. 

Gordon:  Copyright infringement, I think.

Tracey:  There you go.  Thank God for copyrights.

Interviewer:   How about this section where you are eating hot dogs and drinking out of cups with straws and thinking about each other?

Tracey:   No cups with straws.  No hot dogs.   I told them this when we were doing it that high school dances did not do fast food, but they had already gotten fast food and decided that was what we were going to have at a high school dance.   So much for an authentic reenactment of our dance, much less any dance at any high school in history. 

Gordon:  No budget for dance snacks.  The thought balloon dialogue was fun to reenact though.

Tracey:  We just stared at each other and made silly faces and they did all the rest in post-production.  “Look happy.  Now look sad.  Now look hungry.  Now look away from each. Now stare into each other’s eyes.  Now stare right at the camera as if you are talking to the audience.”  We didn’t know what they were going to do with that.

Gordon:  That dialogue though.  Rough!  “She has a great smile.”

Tracey:  “His eyes are kind.”  Things no teenager would ever think.

Interviewer:  What were you really thinking about when it happened in real life?

Tracey:   What was really going through my mind in real life was revenge.  Revenge on Michael Patterson for ditching me and using Gordon to do it.

Gordon:  I was just the tool of her vengeance.

Tracey:   And quite a tool at that.

Gordon:  Tracey!

Tracey:   I think our fans should know that the rumours are true.  Gordon is at least twice the man Michael Patterson is and I speak from firsthand experience. 

Gordon:  Tracey!  That’s private.

Interviewer:   UH-HUM!  That leads up to the next part after the dance. 

Tracey:  You look at this reenactment and we are parked on the side of the road talking about a dance.  You know there is only one reason couples park after a dance and it has nothing to do with talking.  I told Gordon to stop and park and let the record be corrected, I kissed Gordon first.  They did it in the reenactment where Gordon kissed me first after a long conversation, but I was all ready to show Michael Patterson what happens when he sends another guy to take me out.  I wanted there to be a scene in the reenactment where they showed the truck out with a giant Valentine over it to show what we were doing inside, but they did not want to do that.

Gordon:    The Valentine means we were getting naked.

Interviewer:   I know.  You did not reenact that part.  Family audience.

Tracey:    We were going to do a little lead-in like me taking off Gordon’s hat, but they did not want that.

Gordon:  Always have to wear the damned hat.

Interviewer:   The next part is the return back at school after the dance.  This is one of the funniest parts of the story.  How was it to reenact?

Gordon:  This was so hard.  They had to put me in a harness and lift me up on wires.  Those things are really uncomfortable.  They pinch in all the wrong places.  I could not wait to get that thing off.  They were dragging me all over the school and the production assistant was throwing these hearts in the air around my face, but she kept on hitting me in the head with them.  Michael was supposed to do this whole speech asking questions about the dance and how Tracey was, but he was laughing so hard, I think they got about 3 sentences out of all he tried to say.

Interviewer:   The reenactment looks pretty funny. 

Gordon:   It was, but I think there are easier ways to show someone has gotten laid.   When Brian and Lawrence joined Michael, they were nonstop with the jokes.  “You thump thighs not highs.”  “You lock legs and swap gravy, not gravity.”  “When you jump someone’s bones, you have to jump down.” “You’re passing the gravy, not the gravity.”  “You don’t float when you open the gates of Mordor.”

Tracey:  The scenes with Gordon floating took a really long time to reenact.  Gordon was in that harness for hours. 

Gordon:  When they took the harness off so I could kiss Tracey, I was never so happy to kiss someone.

Tracey:  Thanks.

Interviewer:   The next scene is your first dialogue with Michael after the dance and he realizes that you are now together with Tracey.  Was it emotional for you?

Gordon:  Not really.  It was more emotional for Tracey when they talked, but they left that out of the reenactment completely.

Interviewer:  Quite understandable.  Tell me about the moment with you and Michael:

Gordon:  The scene by the lockers was an odd one.  They have a fake locker with a camera on the other side, so it is like someone inside the locker is looking at me.  Then to do the outside shots they had to go to another locker that had a back on it.  If you look carefully, you will notice the insides of the locker do not look the same.  My coat is not there in the second locker and for some reason they put a tea kettle in the second locker.  It’s like the continuity people were not even trying. 

Interviewer:   Was it a special moment when you told Michael about how love made you feel?

Gordon:  When I talked about how I being in love was like I had an ache in the pit of my stomach, I was really thinking about that harness.  I was able to channel that pain and make it real. 

Interviewer:  How about the post-story scene with Michael and the gang?

Tracey:  We weren’t there for that.  Lawrence, Brian and Mike reenacted it in the local burger place and they got this new guy to replace Gordon.  What was his name?

Gordon:  I couldn’t tell you.  He was an extra in the school scene that wanted a few lines.  I think he thought he was going to get to be a regular member of the cast, but that didn’t happen.  I thought they were going to bring back Darryl Smythe to do the part, but he was gone years before after that peeping tom story.   

Tracey:  Poor Darryl.  The peeping tom story was not his fault but he got the blame for it instead of the sick, twisted, perverted writer who wrote it.

Interviewer:  The last scene in the story is this one where the four boys are walking alone, lamenting the loss of Gordon.

Tracey:  We were not in this final scene, but the director really liked it when a group of people turned their back to the camera so we couldn’t see their faces and then they did all this emotional dialogue.  It’s the opposite of what you would expect a director to do, so it makes for an interesting artistic choice.  This one is especially bad.  They walk so far down the road that you can see the curvature of the earth as they look at the moon.  It’s like they are astronauts.  I did not get the symbolism at all.

Gordon:  Me either.

Interviewer:  How did they get this shot?

Gordon:  It was some kind of sound stage where they bent the background drawing of the sky with no stars and a giant moon on it.  The funniest part is this guy replacing me has the line about how it is hard to replace me.  The director literally said, “Who wants to replace Gordon?” in this scene and this guy raised his hand.  Not hard at all to replace me as it turns out.

Tracey:  The other strange part was that it didn’t really matter Gordon was gone.   With Gordon dating me and then the story coming up with Lawrence next year, that group of friends hanging out late at night was done.   I think the next reenactment I was in was a dance (again) for the high school graduation two years later, and it was another year after that before I was in a reenactment where I got to speak. 

Gordon:  As you can tell from our commentary, Tracey is a real talker, but not in the reenactments.  In the reenactments after we are together she is stone, cold silent. 

Tracey:  I think they don’t like the sound of an intelligent woman talking. 

Interviewer:  That wraps it up for this story.  I would like to thank Gordon and Tracey Mayes for their commentary.  Any final words?

Gordon:  Mayes Enterprises.  If you can’t find a great car at a low price, then you Mayes not be at the right car dealership.

Tracey:  26 years married this past August and still going strong.  Our daughter Rosemary just got her Bachelor’s Degree, so we may be empty nesters soon.  Also, Allyson Creemore can suck it.