Baby-Sitter, Thy Name Is Elly
I remember the good old days in For Better or For Worse, when I used to point out that Mira Sobinski was constantly over at Deanna and Mike’s place, while Elly Patterson would only agree to take the kids when there was an emergency or when they were brought over to her house. How times have changed. And more importantly, how suddenly they have changed.
Originally the plan detailed in Mike’s letter was how Meredith and Robin were going to go to the same place every day.
Mike's Letter, April 2007
Having children changes you in so many ways. You seek permanence and security for their sake. Merrie will be going to a new school in September. Because we're certain we'll be living in this area, she's been enrolled at H.G. Davis Public School, the same elementary school I went to. It now has a daycare program, so both she and Robin will be at the same place at the same time, and it's just a few minutes from here. They are already getting used to being away from Ardith, who has taken care of them since they were babies, but we stay in touch and visit as often as possible. Fortunately, little ones make new friends easily and will meet new children when September comes along.
We never saw the events of this letter happen. In fact, we did not see Meredith for even one day in kindergarten at H.G. Davis Public School.
Then the next plan was that a sitter handled the kids while Mike wrote.
Then it was April as a baby-sitter. Then back in February, it looked like Mike was working as the househusband with his kids. And now, just within the past month, it is Elly who handles the kids, all the time. The only thing consistent about it is that, just like it was back in Toronto, Elly really doesn’t want to spend time with her grandchildren. Today she complains she already raised her kids (notice once again how she forgot April is still in her house).
Originally the plan detailed in Mike’s letter was how Meredith and Robin were going to go to the same place every day.
Mike's Letter, April 2007
Having children changes you in so many ways. You seek permanence and security for their sake. Merrie will be going to a new school in September. Because we're certain we'll be living in this area, she's been enrolled at H.G. Davis Public School, the same elementary school I went to. It now has a daycare program, so both she and Robin will be at the same place at the same time, and it's just a few minutes from here. They are already getting used to being away from Ardith, who has taken care of them since they were babies, but we stay in touch and visit as often as possible. Fortunately, little ones make new friends easily and will meet new children when September comes along.
We never saw the events of this letter happen. In fact, we did not see Meredith for even one day in kindergarten at H.G. Davis Public School.
Then the next plan was that a sitter handled the kids while Mike wrote.
Then it was April as a baby-sitter. Then back in February, it looked like Mike was working as the househusband with his kids. And now, just within the past month, it is Elly who handles the kids, all the time. The only thing consistent about it is that, just like it was back in Toronto, Elly really doesn’t want to spend time with her grandchildren. Today she complains she already raised her kids (notice once again how she forgot April is still in her house).
posted by howard at 10:55 PM
9 Comments:
I think it's very interesting that a double income couple like Mike and Dee is refusing to pay for day care, and Elly is allowing them to get away with using her. Mike is successful, and Dee has a high-paying job. There is no question they can afford professional daycare. It speaks of a very interesting, entitled mindset to believe it is 100% OK to instead use Grandma as free daycare.
And it sets Liz up as being an even bigger entitled biatch to go to Elly in advance and demand the same thing. Anthony MUST have arrangements made already for Francie's care. Why would Liz feel the need to change them--without consulting him, too?
Furthermore, Elly's attitude here is reasonable. I know my mother (who also did not like her own small children) has said that she does not want to do a lot of child care for future grandchildren. And you know what? That's a fair enough way to feel. Another grandma I know, who likes small kids, has said that there is a shift in the relationship when the grandkids are cared for by grandma on a regular basis. It feels less special and more routine.
Mike and Liz are jerks to try to push child care off on Elly when they clearly have other options. Then again, I feel they learned this jerkish behavior from Elly herself. When Elly didn't want to take care of Jim, or spend her own money to hire care, she pushed that responsibility off on Iris.
Also, Elly has the power to say no. So I don't feel too sorry for her.
BTW, to respond to a question you asked me yesterday--yes, married women usually keep single relatives in their social circles. Sometimes this is because family love is important. Also, sisters usually aren't viewed as potential romantic rivals--I know that my sisters and I have discussed how we would be too disgusted to ever date a man that another sister had dated, let alone steal a husband. Other times, it's motivated at least in part by the knowledge that single aunties make great babysitters. However, the attachment to non-related friends is often much weaker.
howard:
The only thing consistent about it is that, just like it was back in Toronto, Elly really doesn’t want to spend time with her grandchildren.
I can't help but wonder why that might be. It isn't as if she has anything more important to do with her time. Oh, wait. I just answered my question again. Watching over them is a reminder that she doesn't have anything else important to do.
qnjones,
There is no question they can afford professional daycare. It speaks of a very interesting, entitled mindset to believe it is 100% OK to instead use Grandma as free daycare.
Oh, you just know it's going to be some crazy thing like, "If it weren't for Elly cutting our childcare costs to nothing, we couldn't afford to live here." Something just like the baloney they were constantly spewing about how they couldn't afford to live in Toronto without Mike working 24 hours a day.
Anthony MUST have arrangements made already for Francie's care. Why would Liz feel the need to change them--without consulting him, too?
He does, and we have seen that he does back during the Bunt trial, when he and Elizabeth picked up Françoise from the sitter. Also, back when he was telling John about his divorce from Thérèse, he said he hired a woman to help him. We've already seen Liz set a wedding date without consulting Anthony until 2 clothes changes later, so it is obvious Liz has established his relative importance in things.
Why she would feel the need to change them is a more interesting question. The fact that, after Deanna went into a long dialogue about how important that it is for her kids to have Elly 5 days a week, Liz has gone to Elly to ask her to baby-sit Françoise too, could mean:
(a) She wants Françoise to have the same advantages of great childcare that Robin and Meredith will have. After all, it has been shown time and time again that Elly is the best mother in all of Milborough.
(b) Elizabeth wants some time with Anthony to work on getting pregnant, since there is a Patterson tradition of being pregnant almost as soon as the marriage starts.
(c) Elizabeth wants the time from Elly for no other reason than Deanna is getting the time from Elly.
(d) Elizabeth is trying to establish herself as the anti-Thérèse, so either she or Elly will taking care of Françoise all day long and Anthony does not have to do a thing.
(e) Lynn Johnston wants to set up strips showing Elly handling all 3 grandchildren at one time, as praise is heaped upon her over and over again.
Then again, I feel they learned this jerkish behavior from Elly herself. When Elly didn't want to take care of Jim, or spend her own money to hire care, she pushed that responsibility off on Iris.
Good point. She has taught her children well.
Also, Elly has the power to say no. So I don't feel too sorry for her.
She has trapped herself with her own reputation as the best grandmother that ever walked the planet. After all, Deanna spent 3 whole panels explaining why Elly was so wonderful and why they needed her so much. If you are going to write a strip with that much back-patting, then Elly pretty much has to say, "Yes."
dreadedcandiru2,
Watching over them is a reminder that she doesn't have anything else important to do.
We had one strip that showed Elly doing all kinds of activities post-retirement and nothing since. Plus it gives her a chance to play the martyr, and there is nothing Elly likes to do more than that, except possibly forget that April exists.
"Also, Elly has the power to say no. So I don't feel too sorry for her."
Elly's power is in the fact that she WON'T say no. It is much more empowering to use guilt and "you owe me" than to simply not do something. That will ensure you keep the control for years and years.
There sure seems to be a parallel between this attitude and the author's. This "gee, I'm just great so everyone wants me to do things, I really want to retire, but I was just talked into continuing to work...."
debjyn
There sure seems to be a parallel between this attitude and the author's.
Excellent point. Although in real life, I am sure the people who make a living off Lynn are not necessarily motivated by Lynn’s greatness. If For Better or For Worse is one of 5 strips in over 2000 papers, that is a tremendous cash cow. Also, if Lynn is not continually producing new material, there are at least a few people in her staff who would find themselves trying to find work in Corbeil. If Lynn is motivated by flattery (as it appears she is), then this parallel may be very real.
I have no idea how to email people - but Paul Wright now has a new biography up on FBORFW - and I cannot wait to see the snark!
I had to let someone know!
Thanks for the heads up. I went and read that load of baloney. It wasn't quite as bad as some of the others, in that blame is placed on both Liz and Paul for their passivity, and Susan points out at the end how Liz and Paul were both just imposing their fantasies on each other. (Go Susan!) However, I am tired of the overly dramatic nonsense that Beth writes into these things. Why is it not enough for Paul and Susan to spend time together as friends and come to the slow, quiet realization that they are right for each other? No, as usual, there is some trite, hackneyed drama to bring them together--missing child with a gun!!!1eleventy!!1! Totally unnecessary. Also, it is way, way too convenient for all these characters to know each other--Shelley has connections to Brad Luggsworth, Warren just happens to hear through the grapevine that Paul's a cheater, etc. And, of course, Susan and Paul are childhood sweethearts!
The Susan smackdown at the end almost makes the nonsense worth it, though.
qnjones,
It wasn't quite as bad as some of the others, in that blame is placed on both Liz and Paul for their passivity
I was a little surprised how passive it made Paul, even more so than he was in the strip. I played him on April’s Real Blog as extraordinary devoted and completely clueless when it came to Elizabeth and Anthony, with Susan trying to point out that Elizabeth was cheating on him and she was in love with him. I was quite surprised to see that this was shockingly close to the way it played in the Who’s Who biography. Paul knows Elizabeth is messing around on him, and never confronts Liz about it. The strip made it seem like he had taken up with Susan Dokis knowing nothing about Anthony, and so there was an element of cruelty when Elizabeth makes the trip early and finds out. In Warren Blackwood’s biography, Paul Wright is made out to be trying to have 2 women at once. In this biography, you have to wonder why the guy doesn’t break things off the moment he is told about Liz and Anthony by Shirley. However, he is so passive he let Elizabeth set up him to meet Warren and he didn’t break things off when Elizabeth made the decision to move without talking to him about it.
Also, it is way, way too convenient for all these characters to know each other--Shelley has connections to Brad Luggsworth, Warren just happens to hear through the grapevine that Paul's a cheater, etc.
Brad Luggsworth made me laugh. In April’s Real Blog, we had him as the Milborough police informant to Paul Wright, but there, it was a joke.
The plus side of it to me, is that Elizabeth Patterson does not come off looking very good. She gets smacked down left and right. Aside from the unnecessary dramatics, the author is very heavy-handed with the point that Paul can’t tolerate the city and Elizabeth was really homesick and everyone could tell except Paul (and the readers). Clearly this is to answer all those Coffee Talk writers who say Paul was a much better choice than Anthony.
On the plus side, Beth really did go through the strips and Elizabeth’s monthly letters on this one including lots of details from the letters which never appeared in the strip. And she did not get it confused that Paul Wright lived in Otter County, while his parents lived in White River, as the letter writers frequently did.
One part that was surprising to me was that they set Paul Wright to be 30 years old in 2005, when Elizabeth would have been 24. Considering his inexperience with women, I would have guessed him to be closer to Liz’s age.
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