John Patterson is Different From Me
I remember well when my kids were really young, and when I came home from work, there would be 2 little faces running at me as soon as the door opened. My habit then, because they were a lot lighter, was to pick them up and swing their little legs so far backwards that they would angle toward the ceiling. They loved doing that and I loved doing it, until they got bigger. Even then, I developed techniques of picking up the kids which allowed me to continue the practice for some time. It was a great time in my life, and I remember it fondly, particularly now they don’t rush the door to me anymore. Now, they are older and surlier, and oftentimes don’t even notice I have come home. I, however, still get a little rush of pleasure seeing them when I get home, even if there isn’t the accompanying body lifting.
Today’s For Better or For Worse is a reprint, it looks like without any hybridization. And the point of the strip is that John Patterson takes all the abuse he receives at the office and unleashes it on his little boy when he comes home. Of course, he unleashes it for comic effect, with a giant “Growl” , but the effect is still the same. His boy who was excited to greet him, is going to think twice about doing that again, and a moment where a cute son could be a balm for a miserable day, ends with the son taking “Growl” abuse. The “Growl” for comic effect is once again, something that Lynn Johnston lifted off the Peanuts comics strip, but for some reason seeing a father “Growl” at a son, doesn’t seem as funny to me as when Snoopy would “Growl” at something. I guess I am too close to the subject.
Today’s For Better or For Worse is a reprint, it looks like without any hybridization. And the point of the strip is that John Patterson takes all the abuse he receives at the office and unleashes it on his little boy when he comes home. Of course, he unleashes it for comic effect, with a giant “Growl” , but the effect is still the same. His boy who was excited to greet him, is going to think twice about doing that again, and a moment where a cute son could be a balm for a miserable day, ends with the son taking “Growl” abuse. The “Growl” for comic effect is once again, something that Lynn Johnston lifted off the Peanuts comics strip, but for some reason seeing a father “Growl” at a son, doesn’t seem as funny to me as when Snoopy would “Growl” at something. I guess I am too close to the subject.
posted by howard at 10:40 PM
13 Comments:
It seems to me that this habit of displaced aggression is something that Lynn took away from her own past. I'm pretty sure that the Ridgways were all smiles and sweetness in public but behind closed doors, all manner of beastliness went on. She knows in her mind that not all families are like her but she does not know that in her heart. Nor will she. In her soul of souls, she'll always think that smiling faces hide bitterness and rage.
As I mentioned on the FOOBiverse, I didn't find it funny either, and maybe it's because I'm also too close to the subject, having had a father who worked very hard at a very unforgiving job and would frequently come home in a terrible mood and snap at my every attempt to engage him until he'd had time to unwind. I understood it, but it made me feel very hurt. If John were growling at Elly, that would be more amusing, but I feel so bad for Michael, who's shown being a good kid for once, only to get his head bitten off.
My dad was a laborer and was absolutely exhausted when he came home from work. I don't remember him yelling all the time (that was my mother's job) but I do remember that we kids had to be very quiet once Dad came home.
When my brother and I were little, my dad (still in his 20's) would swing us around and throw us up in the air. He didn't do this with my sister, who is eight years younger than I.
I expected to be a more understanding parent to my children. But I'm not. When I have a bad day at work, my children and my husband have a bad evening at home!
Despite my parents' mediocre parenting skills, all their kids are now upstanding and self sufficient adults.
My point: A person can make may "mistakes" and still be a very good parent.
Anon NYC
DreadedCandiru2,
In her soul of souls, she'll always think that smiling faces hide bitterness and rage.
Pretty dark opinion. However, I do remember a young lady from my dating days, who decided to sing in my church choir as a part of that “bonding with the boyfriend” thing, who dropped out of the choir almost immediately because the choir members were too friendly to her and she didn’t trust them, because they were friendly. She had some experience of being stabbed in the back by overly friendly people in the past, and so she couldn’t accept that some people who acted friendly actually were friendly. Needless to say, my relationship with her did not last long.
Ellie,
I can definitely understand not finding the strip funny, when it hits too close to home. However, I will give credit to 1980s Lynn Johnston for depicting a realistic situation.
Anon NYC,
A person can make may "mistakes" and still be a very good parent.
Absolutely. In fact, a very good parent is often a very good parent because they can admit they made mistakes and try to correct them.
I think the advantage I have personally over many parents who come home from a hard day at work, is I have to drive 1 hour to work every day, and in the intervening car time, I can listen to music or listen to a book-on-CD, and it gives me time to relax from a stressful day. That’s usually a good thing, because many times when I get home there is plenty of stress waiting there for me.
As far as For Better or For Worse is concerned, a lot of the strips in the early years focused on parenting mistakes John and Elly made and tries to turn them into a humourous light. Quite a few of them are not particularly funny, but oftentimes you can say, “I’ve made that mistake before” and you can relate to it, even if you don’t laugh at it.
Interestingly enough, the way today’s strip was played, no blame is laid on either character. No one says "bad kid" or "bad parent". Little Mike is shown enthusiastically looking forward to John’s arrival home. We are also shown why John will be in a bad mood.
In contrast, if you compare that strip to the sequence we had this week, little Frànçoise has the blaming finger pointed directly at her more than once. This is a pretty significant difference between the old strip and the new strips. Frankly, I prefer the parents with faults and showing the reason why they did things vs. the parents with faults who take pride in how they manipulated a little girl.
Howard,
Frànçoise has the blaming finger pointed directly at her more than once.
These strips speak differently to me than they do to you. I see a young child fearing the loss of her dad’s affection and a father who understands his child’s fear - I see no finger pointing.
Frankly, I prefer the parents with faults and showing the reason why they did things vs. the parents with faults who take pride in how they manipulated a little girl.
I’ve been manipulating children my entire life. As a young child I would manipulate my siblings so that they would give me permission to play with their toys. As an adult I manipulate my students and I manipulate my children. Since “manipulate” has a negative connotation, I prefer to use the word “influence.” My goal is to sway their opinion/behavior in a more appropriate path. And on occasion I also bribe. Since “bribe” has a negative connotation, I prefer to use the word “reward.”
I don’t understand the negative response to Anthony’s interactions with his daughter. (I do agree that it is unsafe for a 3-year old to sleep in the top bunk bed; this puzzles me.)
Anon NYC
Anon NYC
I'm really surprised at the acceptance for the manipulation. In my family of origin my parents were parents--they had authority and I as told when my behavior was unacceptable and limits were set. I followed this with my own kids and they have turned out great.
If a person can be in charge, yet still be reasonable with discpline, I always felt (and my children have said this to me also) that there are no games, meta-messages or trying to second-guess anything. Everything is clear, and consequences follow actions.
DJ
DJ,
I agree, even though Francie has valid reasons for being manipulatvie, she's still being a brat and needs to be told in no uncertain terms that her behavior is not acceptable. It's very possible to correct a child without feeding their fears and insecurities.
BigEFries
DJ,
It's not always possible to conduct a rational conversation with a 3-year old, especially when the child is exhausted and it deals with "issues of the heart." A little time and a lot of patience will probably be more productive than legislating proper behavior. After all, Frànçoise is throwing dirty looks, not objects.
Anon NYC
I've always felt as if there were a dark aura surrounding Lynn, an inner negativity driving her to mask it by adopting the almost manic conviviality we see in her interviews.
Anon NYC
These strips speak differently to me than they do to you. I see a young child fearing the loss of her dad’s affection and a father who understands his child’s fear - I see no finger pointing.
Finger pointing, and father not understanding his child’s fear. Examples of:
Tuesday: That wasn’t nice, Francie. Elizabeth was sitting here first.
Wednesday: Thérèse has been gone for a long time. I thought by now, my daughter would be able to accept another woman in the house.
Thursday: Go and wait on your daughter.
Friday: But, Elizabeth would be hurt if we went without her. She might even cry…
Frankly, I don’t see one strip where anyone is trying to understand Frànçoise’s fear; but I see lots of finger-pointing.
Influences and rewards. Examples of by Anthony:
Frànçoise wants to sit by Anthony and wants Elizabeth to move.
Anthony wants Frànçoise to speak politely to Elizabeth.
What Anthony does: Anthony tells her it wasn’t nice.
Result: Frànçoise sits by Anthony and Elizabeth gets up.
Frànçoise wants Anthony to open her door, put her light on, and give her a drink of water.
Anthony wants to kiss Elizabeth.
What Anthony does: Goes to wait on Frànçoise after Elizabeth tells him to.
Result: Frànçoise gets her door open and the light on, but no evidence of water
Frànçoise wants Anthony all to herself when they go see Santa.
Anthony wants Elizabeth to come along with them.
What Anthony does: Tells Frànçoise they can’t go without Elizabeth to see Santa, for fear of making her cry.
Result: Frànçoise agrees to let Elizabeth come.
This one is the first one where Anthony actually “influences” Frànçoise to get a “reward” she wants, i.e. “You get to see Santa, if you allow Elizabeth to come with us.” It works but at the price of having Frànçoise consider time with Elizabeth as something to be endured in order to get time with Santa.
Pretty dark opinion. However, I do remember a young lady from my dating days, who decided to sing in my church choir as a part of that “bonding with the boyfriend” thing, who dropped out of the choir almost immediately because the choir members were too friendly to her and she didn’t trust them, because they were friendly. She had some experience of being stabbed in the back by overly friendly people in the past, and so she couldn’t accept that some people who acted friendly actually were friendly.
I still struggle with this, a little. In away overly nice people terrify me because I don't know if they're truly being nice or just faking it. I'm trying though, trying to trust, what have you.
My Mom (and brother), I know they didn't like going to Church because the people there were nice and it drove them away. When I had cancer my Mom came to Mass and someone at the door stopped her and said, "She's going to be fine, she's strong and we're all praying for her." My Mom cried for two days. It's taken my Mom (and brother) a really long time to accept that the people at Church are (mostly) sincerely nice.
Adrianne
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