I Was Here First
Surprisingly enough, my expectation that in today’s For Better or For Worse, Elizabeth Patterson would be making an effort to win over little Françoise Caine did not come true. I suppose I should have expected a passive Patterson to passively the leave the area of conflict, but I am disappointed I don’t get to see her at least try.
I have never had to deal with the stepparent issues as a parent, but only as a child living with a single mom. During my dating days, whenever I dated a single mother, I was well aware that I was wooing not only the mother, but the child, and the relationship was going nowhere if I didn’t please both. That’s trickier than it sounds. Sometimes, the kids loved me, but the mom felt neglected. It’s a lot easier to date someone who doesn’t have children.
With very little effort I found a site offering a single male parent with a daughter advice on how to handle his daughter who was possessive of him and resented his new girlfriend. Following is the advice he was given. I have reworded it to be appropriate for Elizabeth and Françoise.
1. Try having Françoise spend some one on one time with Elizabeth for girl stuff, to help them to bond to a deeper level.
2. Elizabeth needs to be the one to re-assure Françoise she does not want to take her daddy away from her.
3. This is a normal stage for Françoise as all little girls at one stage in their life falls in love with their daddy even feeling threatened by their own biological mothers (sometimes resenting the mother).
4. You need to get Françoise focused on more outside activities and encourage her to develop interests aside from and away from you. This will give her other healthy relationships to teach her it is OK to care about others as not everyone will leave her, and it will show her that daddy will not leave her while she is away from him.
5. Most of all, you need to stop coddling Françoise and stop focusing on the things that can't be changed (her mother leaving). Françoise needs to get beyond what happened with her mother but as long as you make allowances for adverse behavior excusing it because of what happened then she will become to believe it is worse then it is and intensify it within herself.
6. Françoise's overly possessive obsession with you must be handled now unless you want to remain single for the rest of your life with no chance of an intimate relationship and a daughter going from one relationship to another.
I don’t know if I agree with all that advice. However, in Anthony’s favour, it appears he is working on item #6. Elizabeth, on the other hand, could stand to do some of #1 and #2 and stop making Anthony her sole focus. I have still yet to see Elizabeth show me anything that would impel me to root for her to get together with Anthony and Françoise. Hopefully there will be something this week.
I have never had to deal with the stepparent issues as a parent, but only as a child living with a single mom. During my dating days, whenever I dated a single mother, I was well aware that I was wooing not only the mother, but the child, and the relationship was going nowhere if I didn’t please both. That’s trickier than it sounds. Sometimes, the kids loved me, but the mom felt neglected. It’s a lot easier to date someone who doesn’t have children.
With very little effort I found a site offering a single male parent with a daughter advice on how to handle his daughter who was possessive of him and resented his new girlfriend. Following is the advice he was given. I have reworded it to be appropriate for Elizabeth and Françoise.
1. Try having Françoise spend some one on one time with Elizabeth for girl stuff, to help them to bond to a deeper level.
2. Elizabeth needs to be the one to re-assure Françoise she does not want to take her daddy away from her.
3. This is a normal stage for Françoise as all little girls at one stage in their life falls in love with their daddy even feeling threatened by their own biological mothers (sometimes resenting the mother).
4. You need to get Françoise focused on more outside activities and encourage her to develop interests aside from and away from you. This will give her other healthy relationships to teach her it is OK to care about others as not everyone will leave her, and it will show her that daddy will not leave her while she is away from him.
5. Most of all, you need to stop coddling Françoise and stop focusing on the things that can't be changed (her mother leaving). Françoise needs to get beyond what happened with her mother but as long as you make allowances for adverse behavior excusing it because of what happened then she will become to believe it is worse then it is and intensify it within herself.
6. Françoise's overly possessive obsession with you must be handled now unless you want to remain single for the rest of your life with no chance of an intimate relationship and a daughter going from one relationship to another.
I don’t know if I agree with all that advice. However, in Anthony’s favour, it appears he is working on item #6. Elizabeth, on the other hand, could stand to do some of #1 and #2 and stop making Anthony her sole focus. I have still yet to see Elizabeth show me anything that would impel me to root for her to get together with Anthony and Françoise. Hopefully there will be something this week.
posted by howard at 11:21 PM
12 Comments:
It looks to me as if Anthony is expected to do all the work. It's very difficult for Elizabeth to deal with children because of her in-built negativity and lack of social skills. We can clearly see that she should work on numbers one and two on the list but she may not do so right of the bat. Anthony may have to tell her to do them. Sadly enough, the fact that he'd be the active partenr in that relationship seems to me why Gordo helped Tracey torpedo his first marriage; he wanted to help the guy get out from under the thumb of someone who didn't know she was supposed to be dominated. With Liz, he ain't gonna have to deal with that, is he?
Again, I think Lynn is answering the complaints. Remember after the "ice cream" incident, it was pointed out how Liz took over and Granthony was overruled? So now, Lynn is going to show "Anthony the dominanat." Sort of like "Anthony the Rescuer" during the assault. Wonder how Lynn will screw this up?
As for Liz--she can promise or say anything. Liz always says things that work to her advantage; but then she DOES what she wants to do. Which actually does tie nicely into the flashback; Liz is a "people pleaser". She will look pretty and lovable, if people will like her.
DJ
Regarding the advice ... I agree with all of them : )
4, 5, and 6 are right on, at least I think. I can turn that advice around and see how it could have helped me in growing up and are some of the things I'm doing now.
Adrianne
DreadedCandiru2
Sadly enough, the fact that he'd be the active partner in that relationship seems to me why Gordo helped Tracey torpedo his first marriage; he wanted to help the guy get out from under the thumb of someone who didn't know she was supposed to be dominated.
There is definitely some evidence of this.
Mike's Letter, December 2005
Dad tells me that Anthony's marriage problems are taking a toll on him. He looks tired and he feels he's failed. Therese is busy traveling, taking courses and climbing up the corporate ladder. There's no glass ceiling as far as she's concerned - just mirrors, and she likes what she sees. Therese is a sharp woman who tried to be something she isn't. She wanted the stability of marriage but not the sameness. She never shared Anthony's vision of home and family, although for his sake she tried. Instead of talking things out and working toward a solution, she has become distant and more devoted to her career. She's rarely home these days and Anthony expects to have to make plans for a future without her.
Fortunately, Gordon and Tracey are a solid support system and he has his daughter, his work and his house to keep him focused and sane.
DJ,
Lynn seems to be definitely pursuing the idea that the parent handles the parenting, and the girlfriend gets out of the way. Even during the “ice cream incident”, Elizabeth immediately apologized for overstepping her bounds. From the way the strip is headed, if there is to be a resolution, then it appears it would have to be Françoise accepting whatever Anthony says and probably apologizing to Elizabeth for being rude. Elizabeth graciously accepts the apology, makes a bad pun, and then there is a group hug.
Adrianne,
I like the advice of 4, 5, and 6; but for little Françoise, we haven’t seen any evidence of her obsessing over her mother’s leaving, or that her bad behaviour is related to it. At 2 years old, and with very limited exposure to other families, and the strong likelihood that Anthony has eliminated all traces of Thérèse from the home, the idea that her mother left her, may not have occurred to her yet.
Like you reminded me, the Mayes felt somehow threatened by Therese, by her unwillingness to deal with the bland parts of married life. For Mike to condemn her for that seems odd but for them, it's in character. As for Françoise, I agree with adrienne when she says doubts the little girl even realizes that she's missing out. In her oh-so-limited experience, mommies don't exist.
dreadedcandiru2,
For Mike to condemn her for that seems odd but for them, it's in character.
With Mike, we have to remember that even though it looks like he is in control of his marriage, he really isn’t, even though Deanna lets him think he is. Whatever views he may have about anyone else’s marriage do not necessarily have to match anything going on in his marriage.
This raises a good point: what does Deanna think of what's going on in Liz's life? She doesn't, as far as I can see, have a strong opinion one way or another because Liz isn't a part of her life, that what she does is none of her business. They seem to know each another well enough to say high to one another and that's about it.
dreadedcandiru2,
September 16, 2006 is the last time Deanna and Elizabeth spoke to each other in the strip. Based on that conversation, I would rate Deanna as curious about what is going on in Liz’s life, but has no opinion about it.
That seems appropriate enough. They probably won't have much to do with one another until after the wedding when Dee puts her two cents in about how to raise children. As of right now, though, the old-fashioned separation of married and single women into mutually exclusive tribes is keeping them from palling up.
dreadedcandiru2,
They probably won't have much to do with one another until after the wedding when Dee puts her two cents in about how to raise children.
I wonder if Dee's advice will agree with Elly's? Hmm!
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