Wednesday, December 05, 2007

How Each Adult Is Dealing With Françoise.

Anon NYC has specially requested that we address this particular issue.

Françoise shows up on Monday in her pyjamas. It is unknown whether or not she had been in bed before, but the sneaking around the corner and her eventual destination by Thursday’s strip sort of implies she was in bed. So the situation would be that Liz and Anthony and Françoise had dinner, put Françoise to bed, and then were preparing to read over Mike’s new book together. We see toys out on the floor, so it appears that Anthony is not strict with Françoise about putting her toys up.

Then when Françoise arrives saying she wants to see Mike’s book, Anthony enthusiastically tell her she can see Mike’s book. He doesn’t say, “Go back to bed.” So, it appears that Anthony is not one to restrict the things Françoise is or is not allowed to see. Liz, on the other hand says nothing, but she does lean away from Anthony when she realized Françoise is there, as if to say she considers physical contact with Anthony in front of Françoise to be inappropriate.

Without anything to lead into it, Françoise is between Anthony and Liz and saying, “My daddy!” Despite this clear attack, Liz takes it lightly and by deferring to Françoise as to where she sits, actually seems to be giving her the authority to do what she just did. So, these are two things Françoise has asked for which she gets from the adults. Anthony is showing her the book and Liz gets and leaves Françoise alone with her father. These actions cry out for one of these two to put their foot down to this girl.

Anthony makes a move to discipline by telling her Elizabeth was sitting there first, but Françoise completely rejects the discipline to Anthony’s face. This is what I would call backtalk in my house. Anthony caves in, and instead of discipline, tries to reason with her.

Elizabeth reacts to Françoise by leaving Anthony to explain things to her. As I mentioned before, this would have been a perfect time for Liz to say, “I am not trying to take your father from you.” Instead she is leaving all the discipline and all the punishment and all the soothing conversations to Anthony. What is presented then is the idea that Liz Patterson is leaving the parenting to Anthony, and this is appropriate because she is the girlfriend and not the fiancée yet. I agree that Elizabeth should not usurp Anthony’s parenting, but if there were parenting which needed to be usurped, it is this stuff. Anthony as a parent is trying to reason with little Françoise, which is not going to work because the fears she has about Liz are not rational thought.

After this, Françoise heads off to bed (presumably Anthony tells her to, but we don't get to see it), but then she doesn’t get very far before she is back. We don’t see Anthony, the parent or Elizabeth try to tuck her in bed, so it is not too surprising she is back out again. Anthony blames Françoise’s behaviour on her inability to accept another woman in the house. Liz, on the other hand, plans to do nothing about the situation and assumes Françoise will eventually come to her. Somehow Françoise gets in Anthony’s arms and shoots Liz a dirty look. Françoise is running all over both of them, and they don't even seem to be trying to stop her.

In Thursday’s For Better or For Worse, once again both Anthony and Liz stop what they were doing to deal with Françoise’s demands.

Anthony as father: Gives into Françoise at every turn. The only hint of any parental discipline is when he tells Françoise she is not being nice. The only hint of understanding is when he tells Françoise she can’t substitute for Elizabeth, because he wants a big girl. Why he can't explain to Françoise that he likes Elizabeth, I don't know. It makes it seem like he only likes Elizabeth because she is a grownup.

My viewpoint: Just awful parenting. The kid is running all over him, so he can’t enjoy his time with Elizabeth. He is not even trying to deal with her overpossessiveness.

Elizabeth as girlfriend, since she is not trying to be mother: Her only interaction with Françoise was to ask her if she could still sit by Anthony, which is in deference to her rudeness, which Liz does not appear to be taking seriously. Liz’s overall plan seems to be to leave the parenting to Anthony and wait for Françoise to come to her. In other words, she is taking the laziest route possible. There is no action there at all, except inaction. I can't see how her plan will work, but I know it will.

In any case, these two are a long way from getting Françoise to call Elizabeth "mommy" instead of Thérèse.

16 Comments:

Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

He does seem easily dominated by his child, doesn't he? As if he were a male version of the typical mother we see in the strip: someone far too worried about a short-term reaction to discipline to see that the long-term effect of not setting real boundaries is far more important. Elly, Deanna and now Anthony: all of them fear their children being angry with them too much to do any good as parents. Add in the fact that the other parent does as little as possible to assist and we can see Françoise being just as much a terror as Pattersons-by-blood.

4:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an excellent column!

Liz’s overall plan seems to be to leave the parenting to Anthony and wait for Françoise to come to her.
I have a positive reaction to the way Anthony and Liz are dealing with this situation. The tension between father and daughter is caused by the child’s fear, which is a rational response. It is not a negative refection on Liz. Many (most ?) children react in a similar way when a new sibling is born.

Françoise is having a difficult time adjusting to sharing her father’s attention. I think it’s better for a parent to “spoil” a child who exhibits this type of behavior because it stems from fear. I would expect the “bad” behavior to significantly subside once the child understands that she is still loved. At that point Françoise will be ready to start bonding with Liz.

Anon NYC

5:52 AM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2,

Add in the fact that the other parent does as little as possible to assist and we can see Françoise being just as much a terror as Pattersons-by-blood.

This is an interesting point. I would be hard-pressed to think of Michael as any kind of disciplinarian, particularly after Deanna asked him to put an end to the reign of Super-Teddy hurling, and he flat refused, leaving Deanna to do it herself. We have never seen Mike do anything like spanking; but that may be because that is considered to be a passé means of discipline. However in the old days, Mike was occasionally the recipient of a spanking from John.

Between Elly and John, Elly’s means of discipline in the modern era seems to be mainly screaming her lungs out at April, or anyone she is upset with in general. John, however, has been shown to be the one has the “discussion” with April over potential wrongdoing, but whenever that subject comes up, April usually pats him on the head and says, “Nice try, dad” or something to that effect. It’s interesting that there is a more equal division of disciplining between Elly and John than there is with Mike and Deanna, even though both Elly and Deanna perform virtual all of the other care giving duties.

With Anthony and Elizabeth, we can see the Elizabeth is clearly letting Anthony handle all parenting chores. The only question is whether or not this will be the same situation after they marry, or after they have their own children.

8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

just wondering how old Francoise is supposed to be? Is she not too young to be on a top bunk? And why the bunkbeds as she's a single child - for sleepovers with friends later in her life?

Anon NYC - I LOVE that you complimented today's column. I love that this is blog where we can have differences of opinion, state them and debate them and generally behave like the intelligent adults we all are. So refreshing!!

8:43 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

John is slightly more attentive than Mike as a dad because of two character traits Mike doesn't have. First, he's not as big a worry-wart, I'd say. John does fret a lot, everyone in the strip does. He doesn't, I think, let his doubts incapacitate him. Second, he cares what his children think of him. Unlike the Miracle Author who regards the fact that his children will grow up to hate him as no big thing, John wants children to repsect him. Not for him being walked over or running away without trying to put his point across.

8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think it is a little early for Ant's leniency to negatively impact Francie as she is so young. But if he doesn't start the time-outs soon I will think badly of him as a discliplinarion.
Meredith's Super-Teddying is a lot more worrisome to be than Francie's clingy "me first" attitude as 2 yr olds have no real grasp of inapropriate behavior. Merrie is old enough to learn manners but does not want to, and Mike isn't about to teach her.
(Of course it WOULD eliminate confusion if Lynn would stop depicting Francie as so tall and articulate that my brain keeps thinking 4 yr old and then I have to correct myself)
To echo Anon NYC, great blog! :D

9:23 AM  
Blogger howard said...

Anon NYC

Thanks for the blog compliment. If you have any more column requests, I will certainly be glad to hear them.

You have an interesting comparison between Françoise and Liz as if Liz were a new sibling in the house. I don’t know if I would agree with that perspective, but my own experience is not a one-for-one match. When my mother was a single parent and started dating again for the first time, I was in 7th grade. The first guy she dated was a deputy sheriff and really into sports, and as the oldest and only son of the family, I got a lot of attention from the fellow. I was pretty disappointed when it turned out my mom didn’t like him that much. For me, there was no sense of sibling competition, but I suspect it may have been due to my advanced age compare to little 2-going on-6-years-old Françoise.

I have been in the situation where I had to deal with new siblings, but I honestly don’t remember how I felt about the matter. I have also been in the situation where we had to deal with my son having a new sister, and that went pretty smoothly for the most part, primarily because my wife had read all these books about how to handle sibling jealousy. So, he got plenty of attention from his parents, and he got to pick out a present for her, and many times he got sibling presents when people were unloading baby shower kind of stuff for our daughter.

The difference I draw between that situation and the situation we see in this series of strips is that Anthony and Elizabeth are tolerating Françoise’s antics, but they are not dealing with the problem. She wants attention. That’s why she is drawing out and demanding her bedtime rituals. She doesn’t really want to read Michael’s book, but she wants the attention she would get if someone read her the book. In her mind, Elizabeth is stealing attention away from her, which is definitely true. Anthony can’t stop washing dishes with Elizabeth to put his daughter to bed. Anthony has to be told to stop trying to kiss Elizabeth by Elizabeth to go and wait on his daughter.

I think it’s better for a parent to “spoil” a child who exhibits this type of behavior because it stems from fear. I would expect the “bad” behavior to significantly subside once the child understands that she is still loved. At that point Françoise will be ready to start bonding with Liz.

You hit the nail right on the head here. I know from dealing in family situations as an uncle, the favourite uncle with the nieces and nephews is the uncle who is willing to roll around in the floor playing with the kids. Let me see Liz playing with Françoise, and she will realize she has 2 people to play with instead of losing one. Let me see Liz getting Françoise that bedtime water, or reading her a book. Let me see Liz horrified that little Françoise is 2-years-old and sleeping in the top bunk of a bunk bed.

My fear with this strip is that we won’t ever see Liz doing anything to reach out to Françoise; and without any effort on her part at all, Françoise will turn things around by herself and start thinking of Liz as her new mom for no other reason than Liz is a Patterson. There have been so many situations with the Pattersons where they have undeserved success and I think that Liz with her “I’ll be patient” routine is treading along that same path. Of course, I have to wonder if that was the method used by Rod Johnston with Aaron, and Lynn is recycling the method he used.

9:43 AM  
Blogger howard said...

anonymous,

This strip from March 7, 2005 is the one where Françoise’s birth was announced. So, that puts her at 2 years and 9 months old. I consider her to be far too young to be on a top bunk; however, I have known people who bought bunk beds for the kids in anticipation of sleepovers. The obvious choice for sleepover would be Robin or Merrie, probably Merrie, since she and Françoise are the same size.

Also, I am glad you like The Howard Bunt Blog, and I am quite happy the commenters behave like intelligent adults, although I can’t really take credit for that. Given the title of the blog, you would think I would attract ill-tempered people with short, red clown hair.

9:44 AM  
Blogger howard said...

dreadedcandiru2,

I have never gotten the impression that Mike Patterson expected his children to grow and hate him. Lately, he seems to be more of the mind that he wants his children to emulate how he was as a child, with the Super-Teddy business as an example. I will, however, agree with your impression of John Patterson. With April, he has sat in on her band practices, and is the one to have the long conversations with her, which is stuff you don’t really see Mike doing with his kids and their activities. Mike did have a month-long conversation with Merrie about Gramma Marian, but I am not sure if I can view any reprint strip narration as a positive experience for Merrie, or anyone else for that matter.

9:45 AM  
Blogger howard said...

Must Love Dogs

Thanks for the blog compliment. I know when my boy got to the age where he was in a toddler bed and discovered he could get out of bed to get things, nighttimes became a more difficult time for him and his parents. It took us awhile to establish rituals which would calm him down and get him in the mood for sleeping. Even then, if he was particularly restless, he would still pop up after he had been put down. However, there was a certain point in these rituals where I had to put on the stern voice and inform him if he got up again, there would be dire consequences. That usually worked, especially after the time where he got to experience the dire consequences.

As for Mike’s lack of support of Deanna in calming down the Super-Teddying, I agree with you completely. It does not bode well for that family, if there is only one parent laying down the rules, and the other parent doesn’t care to help to enforce them.

9:46 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

I misspoke earlier. What I meant to say that, unlike his father, Mike doesn't seem to think he has to put in any work to be respected. John, for all his faults, realizes that he has to earn his children's affection. His son believes that it's his due.

10:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Why he can't explain to Françoise that he likes Elizabeth, I don't know. It makes it seem like he only likes Elizabeth because she is a grownup."

Again, this illustrates the blahness of this "couple" and Lynn's cluelessness (or is it?)about a passionate, truly loving couple. Liz and Anthony "care for each other". I don't believe either character has flat-out said "I love you". As for "just as a grown-up"--remember his proposition after Liz's attach? "I miss the fun we used to have!" So right there, he just simply wanted Liz because he was tired of being a grown-up with responsibilities.

This entire relationship is a fantasy each character has in his/her head. That's another reason why all the attempt at "checklists", romance, etc. is not only laughable but shallow feeling to readers.

DJ
s

10:09 AM  
Blogger howard said...

dreadedcandiru2,

John working for his kid’s affection I remember. There were those monthly letters where he lamented that April became a surly teenager and was no longer his best friend. I don’t remember seeing anything like that with Mike and his kids.

4:13 PM  
Blogger howard said...

DJ,

You are quite right about the "I love you" between Anthony and Liz. When I doing the Constable Paul Wright character for April’s Real Blog we had a running joke about how Paul was profuse in declaring his affection for Liz, while the best Liz could say about Paul was “If this is love, I’m loving it" after he had left and driven away in his car. Liz did not say in the strip or in the monthly letters, she loved Paul, until she was back in Milborough. And of course, she never told him this to his face.

However, I should point out that even though Liz and Anthony are practically stonelike in their affections for each other, Lynn Johnston may consider an early declaration of love to be a bad move for a couple. Warren and Paul both spouted off how they felt about Liz very early into the relationship, and they were considered to be a poor match for Liz. Whereas we knew Anthony had feelings for Liz because of all his perverse thought balloons when he was around her; he never said out loud how he felt. In Lynn Johnston’s mind, this may be the mark of a good man.

Ironically, this mark of a good man may have been the way Rod Johnston acted around Lynn; and we know now, exactly why he may not have been the type to declare his love for Lynn in public.

4:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

But Mike went ga-ga over Dee and declared his love quickly. So, it was great for Mike to be a romantic, but not Liz's suitors?

I think this might show the later Lynn's personality more than anything--disillusioned or cynical, I don't know. But she certainly doesn't seem to believe in romance and affection in relationships anymore. Heaven knows, Mike and Dee have certainly cooled off.

DJ

8:02 PM  
Blogger howard said...

DJ,

Mike didn't ask Deanna to wait when she was engaged, like Anthony asked Liz to wait when he was married. Anthony is the superiour romantic.

11:48 PM  

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