Wedding Preparation: The Worst Job a Woman Can Do
I can just the see the letter in Elly’s Coffee Talk.
Dear Lynn Johnston,
When I read Wednesday’s strip, it was like you had a camera in my house. I remember when I was planning my wedding and it was a month away and the stress was nearly killing me. My sister and my mother (rest her soul) had a big group hug just like Eliza, Eleanor, and Ariel did. I hated planning for my wedding. It was one of the worst times of my life. If it wasn’t for them, I never would have survived preparing for my wedding. When I think about the hugs my late mother used to give to me, it makes me want to cry all over again. Thanks for writing such a great comic strip that means so much so many.
I have known for a long time now that Lynn Johnston has a thing against big weddings. Mira Sobinski took a beating for wanting a large wedding for her daughter, Deanna; and Mother Verano took a beating for battles she had with Shawna-Marie Verano at her wedding. The only uncriticized weddings I can remember in recent years were Mike and Deanna’s wedding #1 (the real one), and oddly enough, Anthony and Thérèse Caine’s wedding.
As for me, I loved my wedding. I insisted on being a June bridegroom and I proposed on Easter, which meant that my wife and I had over a year to plan a wedding. My wife will tell you that over a year is too long. However, we found that in the Dallas area, where we got married, that even with over year to plan and with a wedding in June, the most popular places for receptions and the most highly-recommended photographers were already taken. On the other hand, wedding preparation gave me a license to do all kinds of bizarre things to inflict on my family and friends. My wife and I wrote a song for our wedding. We got friends of mine who specialized in playing original instruments from the Baroque era to play for the wedding. We gave the persons attending the wedding plenty of time to arrange for travel. In particular, my wife’s grandmother from New Jersey, who was in a wheelchair full time, came in (and it ended up being the last time my wife saw her live and in person).
The biggest part of it was that there were many occasions which allowed my wife to do things with her mother and her step-mother: The choice of bridesmaid dresses, the wedding dress, visiting different places for the reception and getting to sample their food, visiting places that did wedding cakes to sample their food, and on and on. It was a huge and grand excuse for socializing and bonding and really, just a lot of fun things with wedding showers and engagement parties and having fun showing off the engagement ring. I got to meet relatives I have never seen since and it was fun to do something involving every family member that we have at one occasion. We have never had such a gathering since.
This awful “holding each other up” is a joke Lynn Johnston has done before, most recently when she sold Lilliput’s to Moira Kinney. When I see it, I wonder how it could be that a wedding ceremony and the planning for it are so distasteful to Lynn Johnston. I wonder why it is that Elizabeth is even going through this process, if it is such an awful and terrible thing for her and her sister and her mother. I wonder why it is that Lynn Johnston would want to make such a joyous event into such a misery for those involved.
Is this just the indication of the Pattersons in general? We make jokes about how everything happens easily for the Pattersons, with Michael’s instant best-selling book and Elizabeth’s job dropping in her lap without even an interview. This weeping and whining over the wedding planning makes it seem like what would happen if the Pattersons actually had to work at something instead of having it handed to them. Or the other aspect is the extraordinary negative attitude in the strip for the last few years, where the Pattersons can’t enjoy anything. Mike can’t have a book success without his daughter humbling him with her comments to her brother, for example. Here’s a wedding a month away, and the Patterson ladies are falling apart in their self-induced misery.
If I were to do a For Better or For Worse wedding preparation strip, the obvious choice would be a trip to pick out bridesmaid dresses with Elly, April, Elizabeth, Deanna, Meredith and Françoise. The joke would be that Elizabeth would pick out something and declare it was a dress that everyone could wear for occasions other than a wedding, and someone would make a comment that “Only a bride could say that about that dress and believe it.” The interplay between April and Deanna as the victims of Elizabeth’s choices, and Meredith and Françoise as they sought to understand their responsibilities as flower girls and enjoyed doing “big girl” stuff is something that this strip simply does not have.
The interplay is between the same set of characters every time. Elly talks to Elizabeth and April. Elly talks to Deanna. Deanna talks to Meredith. Elizabeth talks to Françoise. When Elizabeth and Deanna had their “conversation” while Deanna redid / destroyed Grandma Marian’s old dress, it was one of the very few conversations these two women have had in the 9 years they have known each other and was in fact, the only conversation they have had without someone else present. Even on Sunday with Deanna present, Elizabeth barely spoke.
What we have this week is learning all the stuff Elizabeth and April have been doing, which we have not seen due to two weeks of Michael reprints. It’s a big giant helping of “tell, don’t show”. Or more importantly, Lynn Johnston has written herself a big, giant opportunity for story-telling, and she still continues to write this story the same old, way; with the same, old characters. What should be the epic end to 30 years of comic strip is turning out to be a whole lot of “been there, done that”.
Join us tomorrow when Lynn Johnston whips out yet another joke she has done before.
Dear Lynn Johnston,
When I read Wednesday’s strip, it was like you had a camera in my house. I remember when I was planning my wedding and it was a month away and the stress was nearly killing me. My sister and my mother (rest her soul) had a big group hug just like Eliza, Eleanor, and Ariel did. I hated planning for my wedding. It was one of the worst times of my life. If it wasn’t for them, I never would have survived preparing for my wedding. When I think about the hugs my late mother used to give to me, it makes me want to cry all over again. Thanks for writing such a great comic strip that means so much so many.
I have known for a long time now that Lynn Johnston has a thing against big weddings. Mira Sobinski took a beating for wanting a large wedding for her daughter, Deanna; and Mother Verano took a beating for battles she had with Shawna-Marie Verano at her wedding. The only uncriticized weddings I can remember in recent years were Mike and Deanna’s wedding #1 (the real one), and oddly enough, Anthony and Thérèse Caine’s wedding.
As for me, I loved my wedding. I insisted on being a June bridegroom and I proposed on Easter, which meant that my wife and I had over a year to plan a wedding. My wife will tell you that over a year is too long. However, we found that in the Dallas area, where we got married, that even with over year to plan and with a wedding in June, the most popular places for receptions and the most highly-recommended photographers were already taken. On the other hand, wedding preparation gave me a license to do all kinds of bizarre things to inflict on my family and friends. My wife and I wrote a song for our wedding. We got friends of mine who specialized in playing original instruments from the Baroque era to play for the wedding. We gave the persons attending the wedding plenty of time to arrange for travel. In particular, my wife’s grandmother from New Jersey, who was in a wheelchair full time, came in (and it ended up being the last time my wife saw her live and in person).
The biggest part of it was that there were many occasions which allowed my wife to do things with her mother and her step-mother: The choice of bridesmaid dresses, the wedding dress, visiting different places for the reception and getting to sample their food, visiting places that did wedding cakes to sample their food, and on and on. It was a huge and grand excuse for socializing and bonding and really, just a lot of fun things with wedding showers and engagement parties and having fun showing off the engagement ring. I got to meet relatives I have never seen since and it was fun to do something involving every family member that we have at one occasion. We have never had such a gathering since.
This awful “holding each other up” is a joke Lynn Johnston has done before, most recently when she sold Lilliput’s to Moira Kinney. When I see it, I wonder how it could be that a wedding ceremony and the planning for it are so distasteful to Lynn Johnston. I wonder why it is that Elizabeth is even going through this process, if it is such an awful and terrible thing for her and her sister and her mother. I wonder why it is that Lynn Johnston would want to make such a joyous event into such a misery for those involved.
Is this just the indication of the Pattersons in general? We make jokes about how everything happens easily for the Pattersons, with Michael’s instant best-selling book and Elizabeth’s job dropping in her lap without even an interview. This weeping and whining over the wedding planning makes it seem like what would happen if the Pattersons actually had to work at something instead of having it handed to them. Or the other aspect is the extraordinary negative attitude in the strip for the last few years, where the Pattersons can’t enjoy anything. Mike can’t have a book success without his daughter humbling him with her comments to her brother, for example. Here’s a wedding a month away, and the Patterson ladies are falling apart in their self-induced misery.
If I were to do a For Better or For Worse wedding preparation strip, the obvious choice would be a trip to pick out bridesmaid dresses with Elly, April, Elizabeth, Deanna, Meredith and Françoise. The joke would be that Elizabeth would pick out something and declare it was a dress that everyone could wear for occasions other than a wedding, and someone would make a comment that “Only a bride could say that about that dress and believe it.” The interplay between April and Deanna as the victims of Elizabeth’s choices, and Meredith and Françoise as they sought to understand their responsibilities as flower girls and enjoyed doing “big girl” stuff is something that this strip simply does not have.
The interplay is between the same set of characters every time. Elly talks to Elizabeth and April. Elly talks to Deanna. Deanna talks to Meredith. Elizabeth talks to Françoise. When Elizabeth and Deanna had their “conversation” while Deanna redid / destroyed Grandma Marian’s old dress, it was one of the very few conversations these two women have had in the 9 years they have known each other and was in fact, the only conversation they have had without someone else present. Even on Sunday with Deanna present, Elizabeth barely spoke.
What we have this week is learning all the stuff Elizabeth and April have been doing, which we have not seen due to two weeks of Michael reprints. It’s a big giant helping of “tell, don’t show”. Or more importantly, Lynn Johnston has written herself a big, giant opportunity for story-telling, and she still continues to write this story the same old, way; with the same, old characters. What should be the epic end to 30 years of comic strip is turning out to be a whole lot of “been there, done that”.
Join us tomorrow when Lynn Johnston whips out yet another joke she has done before.
posted by howard at 10:25 PM
17 Comments:
From what I've seen of big wedding preparations, this scene is close to reality, but not quite. The reality part is that people involved in the planning obsess about ridiculous, meaningless, frivolous, expensive details, and wind up treating their loved ones like garbage over this nonsense. The imagination part is when they get supportive of each other. I never saw that amongst any of my friends.
All of my friends who had big weddings hated the experience. All of them say they would do things completely differently if they had it to do over. Two of the three would have eloped; one would have cut her parents out of the planning and wedding entirely and made it much smaller. In the end, all of them felt like the big wedding nonsense got in the way of them enjoying the day and eliminated any real feeling of romance or community.
The truth is, nobody gives a crap about stupid details like table decorations. They are not worth stressing over because no one will remember them. What Liz SHOULD be stressing over is becoming an instant parent to a little girl. But as is common in real life, true marriage concerns are ignored in favor of planning The Most Importantest Day Evar.
Howard, you are the only man I ever met who cared anything at all about the details of his wedding. Every groom I ever met considered the whole thing a waste of energy and money (except the money spent on booze at the reception). So leaving Anthony out of the planning seems very realistic to me.
I am also guessing that Elly is paying for all of this with John's money. The fact that Jim is at death's door makes it okay to fork out the cash.
howard,
This weeping and whining over the wedding planning makes it seem like what would happen if the Pattersons actually had to work at something instead of having it handed to them. Or the other aspect is the extraordinary negative attitude in the strip for the last few years, where the Pattersons can’t enjoy anything. Mike can’t have a book success without his daughter humbling him with her comments to her brother, for example. Here’s a wedding a month away, and the Patterson ladies are falling apart in their self-induced misery.
I, too, have been keeping a checklist. So far, I've crossed off "palming things off on April", "begrudging her her freedom when she herself could take a moment for herself", "unhinging her jaw and shrieking like it's the end of the world because things are only 99% perfect", "obsessing over things nobody will remember", "ignoring big details" and "bitching because she actually as to do things herself."
The only thing that's left is "freaking out at Candace when she's told she's become what she said she hated."
qnjones,
What Liz SHOULD be stressing over is becoming an instant parent to a little girl. But as is common in real life, true marriage concerns are ignored in favor of planning The Most Importantest Day Evar.
Liz has an annoying habit of smirking and dodging the question when confronted with the obvious. She refused to pay attention to the fact that Warren might have had an ulterior motive for flying her up North, pooh-poohed any talk that Paul may resent her for treating him like a playtoy and refused to see that Eric may not have been faithful. The notion that Françoise might not be one hundred percent accepting of having an insta-mom is to her the jealous rantings of a picky-face.
Watch. Elizabeth will get so stressed out she will have a major hissy fit. Anthony will be bewildered but comforting. She will sob about how hard it all is and how little help she is getting. They will realise they don't need all the trappings. They're gonna elope.
...although I'm not giving up the barefoot-on-the-beach idea yet either...
Mel
Heh. howtheduck, I pulled out that strip with Moira, too, for ARB. Gah, that wasn't a funny punchline then--why reuse it?
BTW, did you see the Foobiverse thread on the Q & Eh regarding Luis and Eva?
qnjones,
In the end, all of them felt like the big wedding nonsense got in the way of them enjoying the day and eliminated any real feeling of romance or community.
The exact opposite of my experience, but clearly Lynn Johnston’s experience too. My wife and I were in a church singles group and there were a number of persons we knew who got married over the years we were there who had pretty big weddings we attended or participated in. I can’t think of a one of them where the couple felt they would have done the whole thing differently, even if there were minor details they might have changed.
What Liz SHOULD be stressing over is becoming an instant parent to a little girl. But as is common in real life, true marriage concerns are ignored in favor of planning The Most Importantest Day Evar.
In this respect you are absolutely right. I have been the child of a parent remarrying before, and I have witnessed the same when my sister remarried. In each case, it was very important that the child be involved in an important and significant part of the wedding ceremony to make sure that they were included and understood they were part of a new family. At my sister’s wedding, her son (my nephew) was actually the best man and got to write the best man toast.
Howard, you are the only man I ever met who cared anything at all about the details of his wedding. Every groom I ever met considered the whole thing a waste of energy and money (except the money spent on booze at the reception).
I know there are some guys this way, and to be honest, there is much about the wedding process that is extremely girly, in which I did not and was not allowed to participate. However, I knew lots of guys who got married who wanted the thing to be a giant party for their friends, and if that is the case, then you can’t let things get too girly. I was influenced by my sister’s first wedding to a New Yorker in New York, where it was explained to me that wedding gifts are in cash, because in New York, your friends are basically paying you to put on a great party on the occasion of your wedding.
dreadedcandiru2,
The only thing that's left is "freaking out at Candace when she's told she's become what she said she hated."
Now there’s a moment I would love to see. I would put it right behind “Thérèse causes problems at the wedding.”
Mel,
They're gonna elope. ...although I'm not giving up the barefoot-on-the-beach idea yet either...
I might agree with you, except Liz has made such a big deal about Grandpa Jim seeing her get married in the remnants of the Grandma Marian dress. I don’t think they can elope unless they take Grandpa Jim to the ceremony.
aprilp_katje,
Heh. howtheduck, I pulled out that strip with Moira, too, for ARB. Gah, that wasn't a funny punchline then--why reuse it?
It must have been funny to Lynn and as for reuse, that’s really all Lynn is doing these days. Thanks for pointing me to the Luis and Eva thread.
Reading the exchange between qnjones and you, with the differing viewpoints, I have seen both types of experiences myself. And this is what is really annoying about FBoFW (and what you pointed out--); Lynn continues using the SAME darn scenarios all the time; she simply can't come up with original ideas anymore. She showed Mike and Dee's wedding as a lot of pressure and stress; Shawna-Marie's was the same. For gosh sakes, can't she show one that is a great big fun wedding? But then again, that follows the entire Lizthony story; they have always been unhappy in everything they do. This has to be the most joyless, boring, and sad "romance" I have ever seen among two 26 year olds.
Funny enough, my first wedding was big and I was pretty stressed while my second was small, but had to be thrown together in a hurry (long story, but no I wasn't preggers!) and I was very happy. Difference? I was really, really, happy to be married the second time while the first time there was the "I have to go through with this, everything's been planned!" feeling. I can't help but think that subliminally this is going on with Lynn's characters.
I definitely want to see Candace call Liz to the carpet for becoming a cookie cutter bride. I also hope Candace will refuse to wear a dress. I think that would be true to her character.
debjyn,
For gosh sakes, can't she show one that is a great big fun wedding?
That is the thing that gets me. If Lynn can’t show a fun wedding, then it implies all weddings are not fun. It’s one thing to show a wedding with Mira Sobinski and Mother Verano messing it up, but with Elly as the mother of the bride, the wedding preparation should be as fun as wedding preparation can be. Instead what we seem to have is more a fulfillment of Anthony’s predicted, “Weddings are like Woodstock…sometimes they take on a life of their own.”
But then again, that follows the entire Lizthony story; they have always been unhappy in everything they do. This has to be the most joyless, boring, and sad "romance" I have ever seen among two 26 year olds.
Yes. They are definitely giving the unromantic L’il Abner and Daisy Mae wedding a run for their money, for unpleasant comic strip weddings.
I was really, really, happy to be married the second time while the first time there was the "I have to go through with this, everything's been planned!" feeling. I can't help but think that subliminally this is going on with Lynn's characters.
Except that the only ones doing the planning and putting that stress on the wedding are the characters who don’t want the stress. There are no overbearing parents involved. We don’t even know if Anthony’s parents exist. Anthony’s already had a big wedding, and judging from his wedding ring shopping exercise (a couple of minutes over lunch), has no aspirations for a big wedding; and judging from the missing “love” word from him, is really looking for Liz to become what Thérèse was not—the primary caregiver for his child. As he said, “ We could get married tomorrow, next week, next month.”. He really doesn’t care if there is a big public proclamation of marriage or not.
So with no pressure from Elly and no pressure from anyone on Anthony’s side, where is this pressure coming from? I think it’s coming from the dress. They have made such a big deal about Grandma Marian’s wedding dress, that somehow in there, this must translate to “have a big wedding to show off the dress.”
qnjones,
I definitely want to see Candace call Liz to the carpet for becoming a cookie cutter bride.
The old Candace would have. The Candace we have seen in the last year, who did not call Liz on her Thérèse retcon story, might gush all over Liz.
howard,
So with no pressure from Elly and no pressure from anyone on Anthony’s side, where is this pressure coming from? I think it’s coming from the dress. They have made such a big deal about Grandma Marian’s wedding dress, that somehow in there, this must translate to “have a big wedding to show off the dress.”
This, of course, means that if the dress had been ruined, like it should have, Liz would have had the tidy little ceremony at Jim's apartment that everyone else wants. Even she could plan that without tearing her hair out; all she'd have to do is text everyone she wanted there to make sure to show up during their lunch break and that would be it. The total cost would be five bucks.
dreadedcandiru2,
This, of course, means that if the dress had been ruined, like it should have, Liz would have had the tidy little ceremony at Jim's apartment that everyone else wants.
When you get right down to it, with the way Lynn Johnston has portrayed weddings in the past, that is exactly how it should have been done. Jim’s apartment or the Patterson backyard. It is either completely out of character for Elly or Elizabeth to be turning this into a giant wedding; or completely in character for their hypocritical nature.
The only real motivation for this big wedding is Lynn Johnston, who wants to end her strip with this wedding and probably with the often predicted “For better or for worse” final line. That moment will look a lot better if Liz and Anthony are all decked out and there is a big, full church; as opposed to Liz and Anthony in semi-formal attire in Elly’s backyard.
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