Home Again, Home Again
Today’s For Better or For Worse was basically a rehash of the prior day bombshell that Liz would move back into the Sharon Park Drive. I enjoyed writing some of the Patterson allure aftermath stuff with some of the characters and I really didn’t concentrate on Elly using Liz to throw John’s retirement house in his face. Mike posted about it, but used the same old snark about the very first Christmas where Mike and Deanna visited each of the parents separately over Christmas and ironically April complained about how Mira Sobinski always got her way. It is ironic considering that Mira Sobinski almost never gets her way in this strip. Every holiday celebration is at the Patterson house from that Christmas on and she has been thrown out of Dee and Mike’s place no less than 3 times. The Constable Paul Wright post was the toughest one to do, because every step Liz takes in the strip these days, is another step away from him.
The commentaries on For Better or For Worse were interesting today. Most railed on Liz as a loser for moving back in with her parents, while some others pointed out that communal family living is common where they are. All of my siblings never returned home once they left for university. However, I remember in the town where I grew up, one of my best friends in high schools family had lived in that area of North Carolina for several years and their family property very much had that community family feel. The eldest child would inherit the big family house and raise their children there. His parents would move to a nearby house (the grandparents home) where they had their privacy but were close enough to the action to help out and be helped out. Other children would be given or purchase parts of the land where they would raise their kids and build their own grandparents homes. My friend had dozens of cousins. After he left university, he went back home and not being the first born, was expected to get a job, a wife and find his own place locally, which he did. Then he moved out. But his family had no expectation of him leaving until he was ready to be married. I think this is really the family situation to which Liz is going. She has proved she can be independent. Now it’s time to come home and be with her family until she is ready for the wedding, or turns into a maiden aunt, which used to be the custom and not considered to be the shame it is today. Liz was really meant to be a woman of the 1890s.
The commentaries on For Better or For Worse were interesting today. Most railed on Liz as a loser for moving back in with her parents, while some others pointed out that communal family living is common where they are. All of my siblings never returned home once they left for university. However, I remember in the town where I grew up, one of my best friends in high schools family had lived in that area of North Carolina for several years and their family property very much had that community family feel. The eldest child would inherit the big family house and raise their children there. His parents would move to a nearby house (the grandparents home) where they had their privacy but were close enough to the action to help out and be helped out. Other children would be given or purchase parts of the land where they would raise their kids and build their own grandparents homes. My friend had dozens of cousins. After he left university, he went back home and not being the first born, was expected to get a job, a wife and find his own place locally, which he did. Then he moved out. But his family had no expectation of him leaving until he was ready to be married. I think this is really the family situation to which Liz is going. She has proved she can be independent. Now it’s time to come home and be with her family until she is ready for the wedding, or turns into a maiden aunt, which used to be the custom and not considered to be the shame it is today. Liz was really meant to be a woman of the 1890s.
posted by howard at 9:14 PM
2 Comments:
Except Liz hasn't proven she can be independent. She spent two years in Mtigwaki, with a mother substitute (Viv) that she leaned on heavily for moral support. And she wasn't independent there, either, as she did not pay rent, utilities, or own a car. She depended on her boss and her parents for a home and rides. And she spent a lot of time moaning about homesickness. Then she fled back home, declaring she just couldn't stay away from her family. Put that all together, and it paints a picture of a woman who has tried and failed to live on her own.
I know some families where it is expected that the kids will remain home until they are married. In all cases, this expectation has stunted their emotional development. Many (but not all) of the kids in these families are afraid of getting married because they are not sure they can handle full adult responsibility.
Now, I live at home, but this is very contrary to my parents' original expectations. I was brought up to be ultra-independent. It is not easy for me to be living back with my parents, even though it has been financially necessary (over 50% of my income goes to medical expenses). Yet, even with the best intentions, we find ourselves sliding into parent-child roles. For example, my mom gets upset if I do not show up to the family dinner every single night, and she wants to know where I'm going when I go out, and she wants me to account for how I spend my money when she sees me wearing a new shirt or buying a new toy for my cats. For my part, I have let my parents nag me about things like cleaning the litter box, and I have reverted to some of my teenager behavior (like keeping a messy room). I think this is pretty much inevitable when adult kids live with their parents, and it's not a good thing.
If the mother substitutes are an indication that a Patterson is not independent, then you will have to count Mike into the stack, since he also has never lived anywhere without a surrogate mother, even when he is married. I must admit, I have never really understood why Lynn felt that was a necessary convention of the younger Pattersons' environment. I suspect it is because she feels more comfortable plotting that kind of character, since she is clearly inept at writing a voice for young people. Even today, when she was writing Eva's conversation with April, Eva came off as much older than a 15-year-old girl would react. Lynn probably couldn't write Eva saying, "Older sisters suck."
Your statement about kids who stay home until they are married really depends. My friend from high school was perfectly fine, because his family situation was more about the whole family living as a community. Technically, his dad never left the family house, but took it over from his granddad.
However a 31-year-old girl I once dated, who lived with her parents all her life, would have married me in a heartbeat, if for no other reason than to get out of her parents' house. She was pretty messed up.
As for your living at home, Liz clearly does not have your difficulties (I think). I can understand your parent's position. I get protective of anyone who comes into my house to stay for awhile, even if it's my own parents or my wife's parents. I expect it would be worse, if it were my own adult children.
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