From the diary of John Patterson
Dear Diary,
I hate carrots, especially when they are in the shape of a coin. Just the other night, my wife made a whole slow cooker full of carrot coins for supper. It was like my worst nightmare come true. Plus she made gigantic tossed salad that had more (you guessed it) carrots. We had been watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving where Snoopy makes a Thanksgiving dinner that consists of popcorn, toast, pretzels and multi-coloured snacks. It doesn’t sound like the kind of dinner your mother would make, but I suppose that is what you get when your dinner is served by a dog.
My son had on his zig-zag-striped, Charlie Brown homage shirt for the occasion and we went to the kitchen to see what Elly was serving for our American-style Thanksgiving dinner. Then I saw the carrots. My first thought was, “Chee! Snoopy’s dinner looks good compared to that. Maybe I do prefer dog food to mom food.” Then I saw what Farley the dog was eating out of his dog dish, and I started to get jealous of Farley. Mike said, “When’s supper, mom?” Elly said, “Soon. You’ll have to wait about 20 minutes.”
That was my chance. I knew what I had to do. A song came into my head. Not really a song, but an eighth note. I got out a bag of cookies which is so generic that is labeled “Cookies” on the side. Elly got the cookies from the same place she got the slow cooker, labeled “Slow Cooker” on the side. Those cookies hit the spot, yessiree! The kids and I ate them while we watched a program called Canada’s Best Big Mouths. The lady who won had a pretty big mouth but nothing compared to my Elly.
After about an hour, Elly called “Supper’s ready!” to us. We gathered around the table looking at our bounty of carrot coins and salad with carrot coins, I nearly wretched. Elly came in and said, “What’s the matter? I thought you were hungry!!” in that peculiar way Elly does when she speaks as if she had more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wouldn’t have eaten that food, even if I hadn’t eaten the cookies.
Thanks for listening, diary.
I hate carrots, especially when they are in the shape of a coin. Just the other night, my wife made a whole slow cooker full of carrot coins for supper. It was like my worst nightmare come true. Plus she made gigantic tossed salad that had more (you guessed it) carrots. We had been watching A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving where Snoopy makes a Thanksgiving dinner that consists of popcorn, toast, pretzels and multi-coloured snacks. It doesn’t sound like the kind of dinner your mother would make, but I suppose that is what you get when your dinner is served by a dog.
My son had on his zig-zag-striped, Charlie Brown homage shirt for the occasion and we went to the kitchen to see what Elly was serving for our American-style Thanksgiving dinner. Then I saw the carrots. My first thought was, “Chee! Snoopy’s dinner looks good compared to that. Maybe I do prefer dog food to mom food.” Then I saw what Farley the dog was eating out of his dog dish, and I started to get jealous of Farley. Mike said, “When’s supper, mom?” Elly said, “Soon. You’ll have to wait about 20 minutes.”
That was my chance. I knew what I had to do. A song came into my head. Not really a song, but an eighth note. I got out a bag of cookies which is so generic that is labeled “Cookies” on the side. Elly got the cookies from the same place she got the slow cooker, labeled “Slow Cooker” on the side. Those cookies hit the spot, yessiree! The kids and I ate them while we watched a program called Canada’s Best Big Mouths. The lady who won had a pretty big mouth but nothing compared to my Elly.
After about an hour, Elly called “Supper’s ready!” to us. We gathered around the table looking at our bounty of carrot coins and salad with carrot coins, I nearly wretched. Elly came in and said, “What’s the matter? I thought you were hungry!!” in that peculiar way Elly does when she speaks as if she had more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wouldn’t have eaten that food, even if I hadn’t eaten the cookies.
Thanks for listening, diary.
posted by howard at 9:50 PM
12 Comments:
We gathered around the table looking at our bounty of carrot coins and salad with carrot coins, I nearly wretched. Elly came in and said, “What’s the matter? I thought you were hungry!!” in that peculiar way Elly does when she speaks as if she had more than one exclamation point at the end of a sentence. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I wouldn’t have eaten that food, even if I hadn’t eaten the cookies.
It is hard to get too angry at John; this is because it's slightly better to load up on generic cookies than to eat Elly's Suicide Stew despite Lynn's orders that we hate him.
I got out a bag of cookies which is so generic that is labeled “Cookies” on the side. Elly got the cookies from the same place she got the slow cooker, labeled “Slow Cooker” on the side.
Win. I guess Farley-the-dog came from there as well. Perhaps Mrs-Baird-the-neighbour runs a little home business selling generic items and pets.
DreadedCandiru2,
It is hard to get too angry at John; this is because it's slightly better to load up on generic cookies than to eat Elly's Suicide Stew despite Lynn's orders that we hate him.
I was trying to imagine just why it was that a grown man would pull out a bag of cookies 20 minutes before dinner and gorge on them with his 1-year-old and 6-year-old. It is this exact sort of thing that I have spent a good deal of my parenting life trying to prevent.
forworse,
I guess Farley-the-dog came from there as well. Perhaps Mrs-Baird-the-neighbour runs a little home business selling generic items and pets.
Except Farley doesn’t have a label on him saying, “Dog”. It would be funny if he did, because there have been times looking at the drawing of Farley, when I have wondered.
howard,
John's "load-his-children-with-cookies" stunt seems to come from the same place as the "make-paper-snowflakes-and-leave-Elly-to-pick-up-the-mess" and "play-Booger-Beasts-instead-of-checkers" strips; in all three, we're clearly supposed to see that John is trying to cut Elly off at the knees parenting-wise. Today's was the one that actually comes closest to proving the point Lynn wants to make: John wants to make Elly look foolish so he can control her and destroy her freedom of expression.
A grown man would do it because grown men are just WILD CHILDREN, who don't appreciate the sacrifices wives who have no help and time to themselves make to feed their ungrateful, train-lovin' faces!
Elly is so busy she can't even ask John to help prepare dinner or set the table or hear what's going on in the kitchen behind her or open her eyes! The poor soul.
John and the kids are lazy and evil, don't you get it?
DreadedCandiru2,
John's "load-his-children-with-cookies" stunt seems to come from the same place as the "make-paper-snowflakes-and-leave-Elly-to-pick-up-the-mess" and "play-Booger-Beasts-instead-of-checkers" strips; in all three, we're clearly supposed to see that John is trying to cut Elly off at the knees parenting-wise.
That seems to be the case. It isn’t enough that Elly is overloaded with work, but John and Elly’s ideas of parenting seem to be directly in opposition to each other. When I think back to the modern strips, where John behaved more maturely around children, which is to say he wasn’t there at all; I can see the importance of the Mira Sobinski strips. Mira played the part of the indulgent mother, which is now being played by John Patterson in the new-runs. When I think about John in the early years, he didn’t help out with the housework and he didn’t spend time with the kids. He mainly sat on the old chesterfield and growled. Now Lynn feels the need to show a character who is the opposite of Elly and without Mira Sobinski there, she picks John.
Anonymous,
A grown man would do it because grown men are just WILD CHILDREN, who don't appreciate the sacrifices wives who have no help and time to themselves make to feed their ungrateful, train-lovin' faces!
I love that phrase: train-lovin’faces. I agree that this explanation seems to be the best. John is a child. If Lizzie and Michael were tall enough, they would have gotten those cookies too. All Elly can do is wonder why her children aren’t eating, since no one, including her husband, is offering her an explanation. It is like they are all guilty children, and Elly will only find out when she finds the cookie crumbs on the chesterfield and the empty bag of cookies.
At least John actually enjoys spending time with his children. Elly doesn't seem to.
Anonymous,
At least John actually enjoys spending time with his children. Elly doesn't seem to.
This is the strangest part of my Mira / new-run John comparison. Both Mira Sobinski and new-run John Patterson enjoy being with the kids. Although this seems great to me, because that is what I like to do with my kids; for some reason, Lynn Johnston has set this up as indulgent and improper in contrast with Elly's behaviour. Somehow she has gotten it into her head that this is not what a parent is supposed to do. Adults should act like adults. Kids should act like kids. Adults should not act like kids.
And showing warmth and love in a manner -not- involving trite speeches about fate and cruelly oblivious lectures about What's Important in Life Because it's Important to Me and I Define Reality is an alien concept to Elly. She can only imagine that John and Mira did this because they were evil, stupid, smothering, and immature.
One could almost pity her, were it not for the fact that she's serving flavorless piles of steaming whatsit.
She can only imagine that John and Mira did this because they were evil, stupid, smothering, and immature.
Possibly all those things are true. As near as I can tell from interviews with Lynn Johnston I have read, she had some serious issues with her mother and seems to have intentionally picked places to live which were a long distance from her. Although the portrayal of moms who are emotionally and physically involved with their kids appeals to me, my impression is that Lynn considers this to be the exact opposite of what she wanted to be like as a mother and possibly the way she wanted her own mother to be. This is, however, speculation on my part, based on the things Lynn has said in interviews.
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