Is he Single, Warm and Breathing?
The joke in today’s reprint of For Better or For Worse is Connie Poirier’s level of desperation for a man. All Phil has to be is single, for Connie to be interested in him. Ultimately we know that Phil is going to leave after the holidays back to Montreal, and Connie will show just how desperate she is by going to Montreal to visit him. Then Connie will date Ted. Then she will date Phil again. Then Ted again. And then off to Thunder Bay, where she will find her husband. Connie is portrayed as a women’s libber and yet, the underlying theme with Connie throughout the first few years in the strip is that she is so hungry for a husband she will marry anyone who proposes, and she doesn’t mind humiliating herself in that pursuit. Unfortunately for Connie, much of the humour surrounding her appearances is based on this humiliation.
This single-minded pursuit of men is interesting in the character of Connie is interesting, because Lynn Johnston shows little-to-no interest in the idea that her new husband is someone Lawrence might be interested in having for a father. This is another recurring theme with Lynn Johnston. The same thing happened between Elizabeth and Françoise Caine. The relationship between them did not seem to matter until people writing into the Coffee Talk continually complained about it. I would think that this is Lynn Johnston’s general opinion of such things, except that in the case of Candace Halloran, the importance of a good step-father was emphasized with Candace’s bad one. Nevertheless, in the Lynn Johnston interview with Hogan’s Alley, where she said her marital arrangement with Rod Johnston was that he would put up with her son Aaron, if she would put up with Lynn Lake; does not sound like an arrangement where Aaron was greatly pleased with Rod as his new father. In this respect, Connie’s attitude could well have been an imitation of Lynn’s during her dating days after her first marriage ended.
While it is realistic, and I have known women like that; it does not endear me to Connie Poirier as a character. During my dating days, if I went out with a single mom, there was definitely an expectation that I was courting not only the mother, but the child. I had more respect for the women who valued the opinion of their child when it came to guys their mom dated. As we enter the new-run version of this story from 1980, it will be interesting to see if Lynn Johnston paints Connie as even more pathetic, or she will give Connie a little backbone and a little discrimination
This single-minded pursuit of men is interesting in the character of Connie is interesting, because Lynn Johnston shows little-to-no interest in the idea that her new husband is someone Lawrence might be interested in having for a father. This is another recurring theme with Lynn Johnston. The same thing happened between Elizabeth and Françoise Caine. The relationship between them did not seem to matter until people writing into the Coffee Talk continually complained about it. I would think that this is Lynn Johnston’s general opinion of such things, except that in the case of Candace Halloran, the importance of a good step-father was emphasized with Candace’s bad one. Nevertheless, in the Lynn Johnston interview with Hogan’s Alley, where she said her marital arrangement with Rod Johnston was that he would put up with her son Aaron, if she would put up with Lynn Lake; does not sound like an arrangement where Aaron was greatly pleased with Rod as his new father. In this respect, Connie’s attitude could well have been an imitation of Lynn’s during her dating days after her first marriage ended.
While it is realistic, and I have known women like that; it does not endear me to Connie Poirier as a character. During my dating days, if I went out with a single mom, there was definitely an expectation that I was courting not only the mother, but the child. I had more respect for the women who valued the opinion of their child when it came to guys their mom dated. As we enter the new-run version of this story from 1980, it will be interesting to see if Lynn Johnston paints Connie as even more pathetic, or she will give Connie a little backbone and a little discrimination
posted by howard at 11:46 PM
17 Comments:
Yes, I think this is one of the storylines that dates the series. People were far less child-centric in 1980. It was more accepted that having a husband--ANY husband--must be good for the child of the single woman as well, because then they were part of a nuclear family (or a faux nuclear one) and it looked "normal." Nowadays, there is a lot more concern about how the stepparent and kid get along.
Also, it is interesting how some "deviant" behaviors are ignored in more conservative societies. For example, it was more transgressive back in 1980 for a single mother like Connie to have sex with multiple men and not marry them. But because it was considered so wrong, the fact that Connie was sleeping with multiple men was just ignored, because it wasn't polite to talk about it. So both Lynn as author, and the characters in the strip, just pretend that isn't a factor, because you don't pry into that part of a "nice" person's life. You pretend your friend isn't doing something you might find objectionable. You give her the benefit of the doubt.
In 2008, single mothers date and have sex and it is openly talked about and acknowledged. So now we can have the conversation, it would be expected that someone like Elly would not ignore Connie's behavior, but call her on it. She would be more likely to say, "Hey, a parade of men in and out of your bedroom is not good for Lawrence emotionally," or "Hey, you know that your behavior with men makes it statistically more likely that Lawrence will be sexually or physically abused?" Once the behavior becomes part of a norm, it is more open to scrutiny.
I agree, Connie's desperate manhunt makes her unlikeable. I think it was awful that Connie married Greg with no regard for how that affected their children. She treated Greg's girls shabbily. And most of all, when Lawrence came out, Connie chose her husband over her son. (I don't care how much Lynn tries to retcon this.) To me, that is unforgivable. And it was all part of Connie's credo that finding a man is most important. Really, I don't remember seeing her parent Lawrence much. We saw her jabber with Elly, and look for dates. Her son was not a big priority.
Which is too bad, because there are likable aspects to Connie, as Howard has pointed out before. Such as how she sometimes calls Elly on her B.S. Oh well. With that coming out storyline, yet another "flawed but likable" character crossed over into "irredeemable" territory.
howard,
As we enter the new-run version of this story from 1980, it will be interesting to see if Lynn Johnston paints Connie as even more pathetic, or she will give Connie a little backbone and a little discrimination.
Since most of the new-runs do little more than add bulk to the story, I should think that we'd be subjected to more pointless desperation at her son's expense. The idea that a child's interests come before a parent's needs just doesn't occur to Lynn so Lawrence will simply be treated as a whiny obstruction to his mother's happiness.
qnjones,
I agree, Connie's desperate manhunt makes her unlikeable. I think it was awful that Connie married Greg with no regard for how that affected their children. She treated Greg's girls shabbily. And most of all, when Lawrence came out, Connie chose her husband over her son. (I don't care how much Lynn tries to retcon this.) To me, that is unforgivable. And it was all part of Connie's credo that finding a man is most important. Really, I don't remember seeing her parent Lawrence much. We saw her jabber with Elly, and look for dates. Her son was not a big priority.
Elly certainly does hang out with despicable people, doesn't she? We spent the early part of last April shaking our heads as these two terrible parents compared notes and awarded themselves a whole bunch of positive qualities they didn't have and then we've got Annie Nichols to contend with. As you know, she's an idiot who wrecked her life because she wouldn't see that her husband was a skirt chasing turd until her nose was rubbed in the fact; instead of cutting the lout out of her life, she turned into his jailer so she could keep up apperances.
qnjones,
People were far less child-centric in 1980. It was more accepted that having a husband--ANY husband--must be good for the child of the single woman as well, because then they were part of a nuclear family (or a faux nuclear one) and it looked "normal."
I would have to agree with that. I remember single mother situation comedies like The Partridge Family or One Day at a Time, where the children had little-to-no-say in their mother’s choice of men to date. On the other hand, shows like The Courtship of Eddie’s Father or The Sound of Music, the child was practically the one choosing the potential spouse for the father. There was much more of an emphasis that if a mother comes into the family, she should be the “right one” for the child.
In 2008, single mothers date and have sex and it is openly talked about and acknowledged. So now we can have the conversation, it would be expected that someone like Elly would not ignore Connie's behavior, but call her on it.
Maybe she would. I'm not so sure. From Ted McCaulay’s old biography on Who’s Who, we have this line from the perspective of Ted:
John was worried Connie might get hurt. Ted found this funny. It wasn't as though he was seducing some innocent girl. After all, Connie had been married, had a couple of affairs, done plenty of dating in between. That's what women's lib was all about, wasn't it, women being able to enjoy the same freedom as men? He, personally, had no trouble with that notion. As long as everyone was having fun, that was all that mattered.
And then, of course, Ted hurts Connie, just as John had predicted, because she was thinking marriage proposal when Ted was thinking “good fun”. The perspective from John is that is OK for Connie to sleep around, if her objective is to find a man, and it is Ted’s fault if he sleeps with Connie but does not plan to marry her. You have to consider the strip is from the perspective of Lynn Johnston, who could have very well done the same kind of thing in her pre-Rod years. Connie is good because she is doing it to find a husband. Ted is bad because he doesn’t realize that sex= marriage. In contrast, John Patterson and Anthony Caine are good men and Rod Johnston avatars, because they propose to the woman who has sex with them.
I agree, Connie's desperate manhunt makes her unlikeable. I think it was awful that Connie married Greg with no regard for how that affected their children. She treated Greg's girls shabbily.
The funny part of that was in the biographies (and not in the strip), the biographer does not mince words. One daughter left as soon as she graduated from high school, and the younger daughter moved back with her mother, as soon as she lost the protection of her older sister. Life with Connie must have been terrible to get that kind of reaction.
And most of all, when Lawrence came out, Connie chose her husband over her son. (I don't care how much Lynn tries to retcon this.) To me, that is unforgivable. And it was all part of Connie's credo that finding a man is most important.
Chose her husband over her son, and what’s more, was the one who set her husband to the task of dealing with Lawrence, if I remember that strip sequence correctly.
Really, I don't remember seeing her parent Lawrence much. We saw her jabber with Elly, and look for dates. Her son was not a big priority.
I think the fact that once Lawrence graduated from high school, we never see him with Connie again in the same strip all the way to the end of the series and including Elizabeth’s wedding, an event they both attended, is telling. If Lynn is doing character development, it says the two are estranged. Since Lawrence and Connie represent Lynn during her single parents days, likewise, this reflects Lynn’s own relationship with her son.
DreadedCandiru2,
We spent the early part of last April shaking our heads as these two terrible parents compared notes and awarded themselves a whole bunch of positive qualities they didn't have and then we've got Annie Nichols to contend with. As you know, she's an idiot who wrecked her life because she wouldn't see that her husband was a skirt chasing turd until her nose was rubbed in the fact; instead of cutting the lout out of her life, she turned into his jailer so she could keep up apperances.
In the case of Connie and Elly’s April conversation, both those persons were Lynn Johnston. Some of the things Connie said about herself didn’t make any sense, if it were Connie. As for Anne Nichols, she represents the Lynn Johnston that put up with Rod’s philandering all these years (or her perception of Rod’s philandering, depending on whether you believe Lynn’s interview statement that Rod’s cheating was a surprise to her, or her interview statement that Rod has been having affairs ever since Lynn Lake). As to whether Anne wrecked her life is a matter of interpretation. Anne’s Who’s Who biography seems to indicate that her husband eventually came around to become the man he should have been in the first place. It is a common belief in our society that divorce is the best solution for a cheating spouse. I do not know if that is necessarily true.
howard:
I would have to agree with that. I remember single mother situation comedies like The Partridge Family or One Day at a Time, where the children had little-to-no-say in their mother’s choice of men to date. On the other hand, shows like The Courtship of Eddie’s Father or The Sound of Music, the child was practically the one choosing the potential spouse for the father. There was much more of an emphasis that if a mother comes into the family, she should be the “right one” for the child.
Of course, Hollywood mores are almost always more liberal/progressive than what is common in the rest of America. If you judged by Hollywood today, you would think every American is A-OK with gay marriage, when not even a majority of California voters are OK with it. The rest of America tends to be more conservative.
Because I am Mike Patterson's contemporary, many of my schoolmates growing up were in Lawrence's position. Almost every single one of their mothers got remarried without regard for how their children felt about the new stepfather. It was just important to be married. A very common pattern emerged. It was normal and acceptable for those blended families to have a really strained relationship, where the mother mediated between the stepfather and her children. They spent almost no time together as a unit. Mom bounced back and forth between doing wife things and mother things. By the time the kids were in their preteens, they were left to fend for themselves way too much. Mom didn't monitor their meals, their activities, their grades. The kid didn't feel welcome at home. And that was half of my friends! I always thought it was appalling.
I never knew any blended families that were anywhere close to The Brady Bunch. The closest I ever saw in the 1980s era was where stepfather and kids were merely OK with each other. It really was pushed that if the mom could find a man who would marry her, any man, she should take him. This was very true in the Midwest where I lived. Less so out in the Northeast, where people just tended to stay married for appearances.
My little sisters' friends in the 1990s saw different outcomes and happier blended families amongst their friends. The moms seemed to care more what the kids thought before they got married.
Connie in 1980 was seen as doing the right thing, I think. I agree with you, the strip characters look the other way on Connie's sex life because she is doing it to get a ring. Today, I think Elly would call her on it because it is far more popular in modern culture to spout off about a person's own views on sex and morality. And Elly likes to be sanctimonious. She and Anne Nichols would corner Connie and lecture her on finding marrying her very own lout, just like they did. ;)
howard:
I would have to agree with that. I remember single mother situation comedies like The Partridge Family or One Day at a Time, where the children had little-to-no-say in their mother’s choice of men to date. On the other hand, shows like The Courtship of Eddie’s Father or The Sound of Music, the child was practically the one choosing the potential spouse for the father. There was much more of an emphasis that if a mother comes into the family, she should be the “right one” for the child.
Of course, Hollywood mores are almost always more liberal/progressive than what is common in the rest of America. If you judged by Hollywood today, you would think every American is A-OK with gay marriage, when not even a majority of California voters are OK with it. The rest of America tends to be more conservative.
Because I am Mike Patterson's contemporary, many of my schoolmates growing up were in Lawrence's position. Almost every single one of their mothers got remarried without regard for how their children felt about the new stepfather. It was just important to be married. A very common pattern emerged. It was normal and acceptable for those blended families to have a really strained relationship, where the mother mediated between the stepfather and her children. They spent almost no time together as a unit. Mom bounced back and forth between doing wife things and mother things. By the time the kids were in their preteens, they were left to fend for themselves way too much. Mom didn't monitor their meals, their activities, their grades. The kid didn't feel welcome at home. And that was half of my friends! I always thought it was appalling.
I never knew any blended families that were anywhere close to The Brady Bunch. The closest I ever saw in the 1980s era was where stepfather and kids were merely OK with each other. It really was pushed that if the mom could find a man who would marry her, any man, she should take him. This was very true in the Midwest where I lived. Less so out in the Northeast, where people just tended to stay married for appearances.
My little sisters' friends in the 1990s saw different outcomes and happier blended families amongst their friends. The moms seemed to care more what the kids thought before they got married.
Connie in 1980 was seen as doing the right thing, I think. I agree with you, the strip characters look the other way on Connie's sex life because she is doing it to get a ring. Today, I think Elly would call her on it because it is far more popular in modern culture to spout off about a person's own views on sex and morality. And Elly likes to be sanctimonious. She and Anne Nichols would corner Connie and lecture her on finding marrying her very own lout, just like they did. ;)
qnjones,
If you judged by Hollywood today, you would think every American is A-OK with gay marriage, when not even a majority of California voters are OK with it.
I agree. I often think that if, 100 years from now, people look back on this time period and attempt to judge it from its popular entertainment, they would say, “Somewhere about 1980-1990, there was a huge jump in the number of gay men.”
Almost every single one of their mothers got remarried without regard for how their children felt about the new stepfather. It was just important to be married.
I can completely believe that. My mom married again. My dad married again twice. On neither occasion was my opinion requested about the potential spouse, nor did I consider either step-parent to be a person who ever “parented” me. That was still considered to be the duty of my mom or my dad.
Today, I think Elly would call her on it because it is far more popular in modern culture to spout off about a person's own views on sex and morality. And Elly likes to be sanctimonious.
Elly does like to be sanctimonious, but she also likes to suffer in silence. She thought-bubbled and chatting to Connie plenty about how much she did not like Liz living with Eric Chamberlain; but said nothing to Liz about it. I am not so sure Elly would say anything to Connie about sleeping around, but I could definitely see her thought-ballooning like mad.
Good point. And she would grouse to Anne Nichols about how Connie could get married, if only she weren't such a whore. Only punny.
howard,
Elly does like to be sanctimonious, but she also likes to suffer in silence. She thought-bubbled and chatting to Connie plenty about how much she did not like Liz living with Eric Chamberlain; but said nothing to Liz about it. I am not so sure Elly would say anything to Connie about sleeping around, but I could definitely see her thought-ballooning like mad.
There's a nasty little side effect to Elly's refusal to express her disapproval: the people who are distressing her have no idea how she feels so assume she's okay with something she isn't. This is why Liz thought Elly was cool with her shacking up with Eric and it would be why Connie would think she was okay with her sleeping around.
qnjones,
And she would grouse to Anne Nichols about how Connie could get married, if only she weren't such a whore. Only punny.
I can see it now. Elly would say to Annie, “Connie could find a mate, if only took the time to stop mating.” Or “Connie could get a groom, if she wasn’t in such a need of a good grooming.” Or “My sister-in-law is into animal husbandry, but Connie is into hunting husbandry.”
DreadedCandiru2,
There's a nasty little side effect to Elly's refusal to express her disapproval: the people who are distressing her have no idea how she feels so assume she's okay with something she isn't.
She would be ready for the classic, “Everyone is mad at me because they found my diary” kind of story. Imagine the reaction, if people could read the Pattersons’ thought bubbles.
Dr. John Patterson: I never knew the man was really that obsessed with trains.
Anthony Caine:: He keeps thinking of kissing Elizabeth when she was a teenager.
Elizabeth: She really is that stupid.
Even though the focus of this strip is Connie's quest for a relationship, not quick sex, it's hard not to wonder whether her sex partners were at risk for being infected with HIV and whether they used condoms.
Anonymous,
In 1980, probably not. The term AIDS ("acquired immune dificiency syndrome") was not even used for the first time until July 27th, 1982. It would be some time later before condom use to prevent passing on HIV would be recommended.
Howard:
Exactly! Which is going to be a problem for Lynn Johnston as she plays through the sex-and-the-single-girl Connie story line. Every time we see a strip about Connie and her love life, we're going to be reading the strips with a historical perspective that readers couldn't have had when the strips ran originally.
Anonymous,
Every time we see a strip about Connie and her love life, we're going to be reading the strips with a historical perspective that readers couldn't have had when the strips ran originally.
In this case, Lynn's lack of details with respect to the more intimate parts of Connie's love life works to her advantage. Originally Connie may have used only the pill (if that), but modern-day Connie would have to use a lot more. Both would be unmentioned by Lynn in the reprints, assuming she is not foolish enough to make a new-run mention of it.
In the first collection, there was a strip where Ellie, proofreading Connie's personal ad, tells her she's got a good kid, a great job and that her search for a man is becoming a little sick.
Just surprises me looking back, because Ellie today would never do that.
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