I Love You
My wife is in San Antonio, Texas this weekend getting some training as a part of her Homemade Gourmet business. She called briefly this evening, and as my son interrupted me to talk to his mother, my wife dropped the “I love you” line while she was getting ready to hang up. After talking to my son for a bit, where he described his day, the phone was returned to me and I was informed that I had failed to give the “I love you” response. I explained that my son had interrupted me and I missed it, and this explanation was accepted. I was reminded of this when I saw the reprint strip for this Sunday, where Michael Patterson asks his mother repetitively if she loves him and instead of giving him an answer, shrieks out at him a verbal pun insult based on his question.
Another bad parenting moment for Elly Patterson. However, I have noticed several times that Pattersons almost never say, “I love you.” I first noticed this when Elizabeth had her relationship with Constable Paul Wright in December of 2005. The man was practically falling all over himself in love with Elizabeth, little suspecting that she was going to shove Warren Blackwood in his face just as he reached the town where his parents lived and he had planned to introduce them. I had been writing Constable Paul Wright over at April’s Real Blog, and I noticed that Elizabeth had not given Paul Wright any kind of assurances of love in response to his. As time went on, this continued. In fact, the one and only time Elizabeth tells Paul Wright she loves him, is in her last telephone conversation with him, before they break up.
I decided to check to see how Elizabeth had treated her other boyfriends, and I found that she treated Warren Blackwood pretty coldly too. Eric Chamberlain was the exception, where Elizabeth asked Eric on several occasions if he loved her, as a sign of her insecurity with him. In fact, I took the lack of “I love you” from Elizabeth as a sign. If Elizabeth said, “I love you” face-to-face with a character, then I knew that character was the one for her, and a clear indication that she had finally gotten over Eric Chamberlain. I had high hopes this moment would come with Anthony Caine. And then, it didn’t. The grand romantic moment where Elizabeth tells Anthony to take her “home” comes after Anthony tells Elizabeth that she is a “blessing”.
I had an expectation with Elizabeth and Anthony. I have no such expectations with any of the other Pattersons. Parents don’t tell it to the kids, and kids don’t tell it to the parents. Today’s For Better or For Worse is the perfect example of it. So ingrained is this tradition, little Michael goes begging for it, and Elly Patterson will do almost anything to avoid saying it.
The interesting part about the phrase with my kids is that they really love to hear it. I didn’t realize it as much until I was a parent, but that parental “I love you” is a reassurance that kids need to have regularly, particularly after they have had a very bad day with their parents. I expect this is what led to Michael having this particular conversation with Elly Patterson. He has done something so rotten; he is actually concerned that he lost her love. However, without that lead-in, the reader only gets a boy who is insecure for unknown reasons about his parent’s love. Elly could have sought the sewing as a refuge against completely losing her temper with Michael over that rotten thing he did, and then he is pursuing her for an answer to a question she has not calmed down enough to give. However, because we don’t have that lead-in, what we have is a parent who seems to be exasperated that the child would even ask such a question and would ask over and over again, when she fails to answer.
I think Lynn Johnston intended this to be a strip, where the reader might relate to the parent being nagged by the child and that might have even been my response until I became a parent. There are moments with my kids, where they absolutely have to have that “I love you” from their mom or dad or they are heartbroken. The first time I read this strip, I was shocked at the Elly Patterson response, thanks to the baggage I bring in from my parenting background. But then I had to think, something had to happen to get little Michael Patterson to this point, and the situation became slightly more understandable.
Another bad parenting moment for Elly Patterson. However, I have noticed several times that Pattersons almost never say, “I love you.” I first noticed this when Elizabeth had her relationship with Constable Paul Wright in December of 2005. The man was practically falling all over himself in love with Elizabeth, little suspecting that she was going to shove Warren Blackwood in his face just as he reached the town where his parents lived and he had planned to introduce them. I had been writing Constable Paul Wright over at April’s Real Blog, and I noticed that Elizabeth had not given Paul Wright any kind of assurances of love in response to his. As time went on, this continued. In fact, the one and only time Elizabeth tells Paul Wright she loves him, is in her last telephone conversation with him, before they break up.
I decided to check to see how Elizabeth had treated her other boyfriends, and I found that she treated Warren Blackwood pretty coldly too. Eric Chamberlain was the exception, where Elizabeth asked Eric on several occasions if he loved her, as a sign of her insecurity with him. In fact, I took the lack of “I love you” from Elizabeth as a sign. If Elizabeth said, “I love you” face-to-face with a character, then I knew that character was the one for her, and a clear indication that she had finally gotten over Eric Chamberlain. I had high hopes this moment would come with Anthony Caine. And then, it didn’t. The grand romantic moment where Elizabeth tells Anthony to take her “home” comes after Anthony tells Elizabeth that she is a “blessing”.
I had an expectation with Elizabeth and Anthony. I have no such expectations with any of the other Pattersons. Parents don’t tell it to the kids, and kids don’t tell it to the parents. Today’s For Better or For Worse is the perfect example of it. So ingrained is this tradition, little Michael goes begging for it, and Elly Patterson will do almost anything to avoid saying it.
The interesting part about the phrase with my kids is that they really love to hear it. I didn’t realize it as much until I was a parent, but that parental “I love you” is a reassurance that kids need to have regularly, particularly after they have had a very bad day with their parents. I expect this is what led to Michael having this particular conversation with Elly Patterson. He has done something so rotten; he is actually concerned that he lost her love. However, without that lead-in, the reader only gets a boy who is insecure for unknown reasons about his parent’s love. Elly could have sought the sewing as a refuge against completely losing her temper with Michael over that rotten thing he did, and then he is pursuing her for an answer to a question she has not calmed down enough to give. However, because we don’t have that lead-in, what we have is a parent who seems to be exasperated that the child would even ask such a question and would ask over and over again, when she fails to answer.
I think Lynn Johnston intended this to be a strip, where the reader might relate to the parent being nagged by the child and that might have even been my response until I became a parent. There are moments with my kids, where they absolutely have to have that “I love you” from their mom or dad or they are heartbroken. The first time I read this strip, I was shocked at the Elly Patterson response, thanks to the baggage I bring in from my parenting background. But then I had to think, something had to happen to get little Michael Patterson to this point, and the situation became slightly more understandable.
posted by howard at 11:34 PM
13 Comments:
He doesn't even have to have done something especially destructive to be forced to need reassurance. From the way his parents act, he might simply have been reminded of his fear that Elizabeth has replaced him in Elly's heart. I remember a pathetic sequence when she was carrying April; Liz was being extra helpful because she was worried that when the new baby came, they'd stop loving her. I can see a day of his getting glared at because he wants the same attention Liz got escalating to this sort of nastiness.
dreadedcandiru2,
You could be right. The fear of loss of parental love to little Lizzie was a recurring theme for Michael in the first year of the strip. That could have well been his motivation, particularly when I consider that Michael was usually unrepentent after one of his rounds of mayhem.
This strip makes me want to vomit. I'm surprised that Lynn Johnston would even run it again now.
Like anonymous, I'm also surprised that Lynn would select a reprint that shows Elly acting horribly. Why would new readers want to follow a strip that shows a parent out of control?
Howard said: The interesting part about the phrase with my kids is that they really love to hear it.
I have always thought that even the most loving teenagers stop saying, "I love you" to their parents. I only knew one mother who professed her love to her kids as they left for school--and they responded in kind. My friends and I thought that they were so weird; we considered this exchange an additional indication that this was a dysfunctional family.
I now teach gifted high school seniors advanced placement chemistry. When a lab experiment runs overtime students call home on cell phones. I was truly surprised to hear a 17-year old, in front of classmates, end the call with “I love you.”
Anon NYC
I remember another daily strip from that time period that had much the same hostile vibe. Elly was doing something else she could easily have put aside for five seconds or so just to reassure him that she loved him and threatened him with a swat on the behind or something. His response was that all he wanted was a hug. As jjamele said on the LiveJournal, you see this sort of escalation so often in the real world. I myself can't count the number of times I've seen some mother yell at her child for trying to get her attention when she's not doing anything all that important.
Anonymous
This strip makes me want to vomit. I'm surprised that Lynn Johnston would even run it again now.
Some of the choices of the reprints from the first year of the strip have been perplexing. I can, to a certain degree, understand the John-bashing ones; but today’s strip is interesting,because you would think in the first year of creating a character with whom you would like people to have empathy, so they would be willing to follow the strip, you wouldn’t paint such a poor picture of them.
Anon NYC
I have always thought that even the most loving teenagers stop saying, "I love you" to their parents.
Well, my kids aren’t teenagers yet, so it is possibly that they will make this change also. However, at 12 years old, my boy still likes to be tucked in at night, and get a big hug from his daddy, and more often than not, he will be the one to say, “I love you, daddy” first. I will certainly miss this part of my boy, if it goes away when he becomes a surly teenager.
DreadedCandiru2,
I myself can't count the number of times I've seen some mother yell at her child for trying to get her attention when she's not doing anything all that important.
It’s something that parents have to check themselves on. For example, my boy is 12-years-old, big and bony; and when he wants to sit in my lap, my initial reaction is to refuse him, just by virtue of the sheer painfulness of it. However, I still have to remember that he wants the closeness, even if he is no longer the little kid who used to be able to sit with me without extreme pain.
Today I observed love - twice!
This morning I attended the funeral of a colleague’s mother. Her husband spoke for only a minute. He said: “Today is Sylvia’s 62nd birthday.” Then, with a tear in his eye and a hesitant smile, he turned towards the casket and added: “Happy Birthday sweetheart!”
Then we went to visit a relative in the dementia unit of a nursing home. A very old lady was asleep in the next bed. She still seemed to be asleep when my daughter and I heard her say: “Todd, I love you so much. I love you sooo much!”
To paraphrase Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart (who spoke about pornography), “I can’t define love but I know it when I see it."
Anon NYC
Anon NYC,
It sounds like you are having a great day for observing love.
Mine has not been too bad either. My wife arrived home safely from San Antonio, gave the kids a hug, and while giving me my hug, my kids started saying, "Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" So we did for a few seconds before my wife cracked up laughing at the whole idea of it.
Mine has not been too bad either.
To love and be loved--that is a beautiful thing! God bless...
Anon NYC
I don't know, I think strips like this are what made the series endearing. Lynn is admitting her flaws openly in the sequence, something we see little of in her portrayals of the Patterspawn today.
James,
I don't know, I think strips like this are what made the series endearing. Lynn is admitting her flaws openly in the sequence, something we see little of in her portrayals of the Patterspawn today.
True. The parents don’t admit mistakes anymore. However, for this strip to be endearing, there would need to be a reconciliation panel after the last one. As it is, Michael runs away crying, and you have no idea if Elly ever decided to tell him she loved him. Based on the strip history, the answer is probably that she didn’t.
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