Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Finally!! -- Classic For Better or For Worse

The interesting part of today’s selection for a For Better or For Worse reprint is that this is the first of the bunch that have been chosen so far, that I actually remember reading years ago. Elly is expressing a frustration with having children which virtually every mother (and father) has experienced at some point (or right now, if you count me and the Christmas presents which don’t seem to be able to stay put away and off the living room floor). Moreover, Elly’s screaming frustration is not directed at anyone in particular, and seems less menacing than other strips where she is shrieking at someone recoiling from her in terror. The open-mouthed, head back, frustration is for once a good imitation of the way Charles Schulz did it for Peanuts.

In many early strips, John Patterson says something overtly sexist for comedic effect, and it does not work. However, when John Patterson tries to comfort Elly and then says something which, while it is true, is not something the mother wants to hear, that strikes a chord with inarticulate husbands and their wives everywhere. The humour comes from a slice of life, very realistic situation, which could just as easily happen today as 29 years ago. And the humour is not a pun.

Artwise, the characters look good. There are not the usual deformities which oftentimes have marred my enjoyment of the strip reprints. Also the proportions of the bodies relative to each other is pretty consistent.

My conclusion: This is the type of strip Lynn Johnston should be using for her reprints. I remember that I liked this strip when it came out, and it ages well. It’s a shame it’s taken Lynn 5 months to get to it.

23 Comments:

Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

If she'd used more strips like this, strips that made the Pattersons look like average people instead of, well, refugees from the Jerry Springer show, the Hybrid might just have caught on. Elly isn't being a raging loon, John is trying to be sympathetic but fails because he's clueless and the art doesn't make'em look like Morlocks. Too bad it did come five months later than it should: otherwise, your post wouldn't just as easily have the title "Too Little, Too Late".

3:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is an inspiring strip that will be posted on many refrigerators.

Anon NYC

3:56 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

Not in its original form, though. Back when it was first published, Elly looked enraged, not defeated. I doubt many Crazy Cat Ladies wanna contemplate Elly totally freaking killing John.

5:25 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I hate this strip too, and I'll tell you why. John is telling her to accept her lot in life, but is not offering her any help. John is home from work--why isn't he helping her pick up? He's a dentist--they could afford a cleaning lady. And he caps it off by insinuating that he didn't want children anyway, so this situation is entirely Elly's fault. The expression on Elly's face in the last panel actually would make more sense in the original, enraged form.

The first two panels are relatable, I have no doubt. But since I've never been a parent, I relate to being the kid who heard the complaints. My mom made these comments a lot--"I'm sick of picking up, why do kids always make messes, blah blah blah." And it never failed to make me and my sisters feel unloved and unwanted. Please, parents, if you do relate to this strip, do not make these comments in front of your kids.

8:31 AM  
Blogger howard said...

Anon NYC

This is an inspiring strip that will be posted on many refrigerators.
Inspiring?

9:28 AM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2

I doubt many Crazy Cat Ladies wanna contemplate Elly totally freaking killing John.
Perhaps not killing, but they have enjoyed many years of seeing John whacked across the head with flying coffee cups or frozen vegetables.

9:29 AM  
Blogger howard said...

qnjones,

John is telling her to accept her lot in life, but is not offering her any help. John is home from work--why isn't he helping her pick up? He's a dentist--they could afford a cleaning lady.
Well, the argument that would be presented from 1950s man would be: "Why does he need a cleaning lady when he has a stay-at-home wife?" In fact, this was almost the exact phrase used by my father (a 1950s man) on one occasion when he asked what I had spent my time doing one weekend and I informed him that I had spent the weekend cleaning the house. He was dumbfounded, because my wife is a stay-at-home mom, and the kids go to school every day, and in his opinion, when I come home from a long week at work, I shouldn’t have to come home to a dirty house. I think of John in the vein as I think of my father, so my guess is that John Patterson thinks that the kid’s messes are Elly’s to clean up as they were made while she was at the house and he wasn’t. There was a reprint strip from last year where Elly came back from visiting her parents, and found John had cleaned while she was gone, (i.e. cleaned his own messes) that reinforces this point-of-view.

And he caps it off by insinuating that he didn't want children anyway, so this situation is entirely Elly's fault.
If I remember the whole of this strip correctly, John didn’t want children. Back last September, we were shown that Michael came as a surprise to John very much in the same mode as when Merrie came as a surprise to Michael. If I remember right, the time when John wanted a child was when he found out Elly was pregnant with April. In one of Lynn Johnston’s better humourous moments, she showed Elly didn’t want April because she was on the cusp of starting her new career, and John did.

My mom made these comments a lot--"I'm sick of picking up, why do kids always make messes, blah blah blah." And it never failed to make me and my sisters feel unloved and unwanted. Please, parents, if you do relate to this strip, do not make these comments in front of your kids.
Oops on my part then. I make this mistake regularly.

Whenever I pick up my boy's socks off the floor in the living room, I say to him, “It looks like you have mistaken the floor for a laundry basket. Where do the socks go? Floor or laundry basket?” Then if he gives me a smart aleck answer (as he often does), I chase him around the room threatening to make him smell his dirty sock.

Or if I pick up candy wrappers my daughter left on the floor, I say to her, “The floor is not a trash can.” Then I point to the floor and say, “Floor.” And I point to the trash can and say, “Trash can.” Then I say, “Can you see the difference? The floor is the one with carpet on it.”

I will try to watch my mouth from now on. Thanks for the tip.

9:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I can't believe a Foob strip actually resonated with me (the first two panels anyway).

I am frustrated with toys all over the place from my 1-year-old boy. I recently turned to a friend in frustration and said, "I'm instituting a new rule. One toy at a time. He has to put that toy away before getting another one."

He, being the father of a 3-year-old, displayed a crooked smile, turned to me and said wryly, "Yeah. Let me know how that works out for you."

9:42 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

John, it would seem, doesn't really think too hard about what he's saying or doing. Does he realize that he comes across as a smug, callous jackass? Nope. Does he learn from his mistakes? Not so you'd notice. That's because he greets the suggestion that he's in the wrong with wounded indignation. The 'rules' make his life easier so why should he question them. If he were to ever take stock of his life and reason through the chaos around him and acknowledge that he too was to blame, the sudden shock would probably kill him.

10:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Howard,

IMHO, correcting behavior is not the same thing as making blanket statements about how much you can't stand rotten, messy children at the top of your lungs. I always understood why Mom was trying to correct individual behaviors. But when the "kids are so freaking annoying!" tirades came out, well, it made me feel worthless.

I assumed the presence of the children in this strip because of 1) the toys and 2) Elly screaming. I figured these things wouldn't be happening if the kids weren't there. But I don't actually see them in the strip. Maybe they aren't present. Hope they can't hear her from the other room.

I know all too well what the mindset of men like John was. My parents were that way. Dad worked, Mom did the housework. It didn't matter that Mom had four kids under six and the housework and child care went on and on, 24/7. Dad never helped with anything, and his excuse was, "I earn the money." When I turned 6, he put me in charge of mowing the lawn, which was his only job up to that time. It did not matter that a 6 year old is too small to control a push mower. It just mattered that he was the breadwinner, and he shouldn't have to do any work outside of the office.

I'm sure it is no surprise, then, that Mom was severely depressed throughout my childhood (hence the tirades) and my parents have a terrible marriage filled with acrimony and resentment. Nearly all of the marriages of their friends that fit the "inconsiderate man/overworked wife" pattern ended in divorce or total misery.

That it was standard practice of men in that era not to help out wives who were clearly overworked/overstressed, does not excuse John's behavior. We always knew a few enlightened men in the neighborhood who did not take advantage of their wives this way.

I frankly wish Elly had gone Lorena Bobbitt on John years ago.

As for whether John *ever* wanted kids, I'm not sure we know. Yes, Michael was a surprise--but had John said to Elly that he never wanted children before that? I got the sense that he expected to have kids, just not right then. And we are led to believe Elizabeth was planned (I think).

That John wanted April makes me think that he wanted her mainly to keep Elly in the house and the power dynamic from changing. My father did this when my mom went back to work. He tried to sabotage her by telling her she was terrible at interviews, would never get a job that paid enough to be worth it, etc. Really, he just wanted to keep her at home, cooking his dinners. I suspect John knew Elly would demand he do more housework, and relished a chance to put a stop to her working. He was always very callous and rude toward Elly about her attempts to work, about how it cost him money, blah blah.

11:09 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

qnjones:

That John wanted April makes me think that he wanted her mainly to keep Elly in the house and the power dynamic from changing.

That is exactly right. The pompous pile of excrement couldn't possibly tolerate anything that suggested that Elly could live without him. His pathetic vanity and fears of irrelevance mandated that he move heaven and earth to keep her hoooooome.

12:34 PM  
Blogger howard said...

James,

I am frustrated with toys all over the place from my 1-year-old boy. I recently turned to a friend in frustration and said, "I'm instituting a new rule. One toy at a time. He has to put that toy away before getting another one."
I think where we finally got to, was limiting the rooms where the toys could be. There were some layouts, like many-pieced puzzles or race car tracks and the like, which were not easily assembled and disassembled for storage, particularly if it was a work-in-progress. The guest room in our house has become the “play room” in order to try to keep chaos from seeping into the rest of the house. And it works, some of the time.

1:24 PM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2,

If he were to ever take stock of his life and reason through the chaos around him and acknowledge that he too was to blame, the sudden shock would probably kill him.
I don’t know if that’s a fair assessment. The overtly, sexist John of the early 1980s is pretty much gone from the modern version of the strip. The character of John has actually changed during the course of this strip. You go from the John of today’s strip, letting Elly do all the housework, to a John who eventually takes lessons from Elly in laundry-folding and dishwasher-stacking.

1:25 PM  
Blogger howard said...

qnjones

I assumed the presence of the children in this strip because of 1) the toys and 2) Elly screaming. I figured these things wouldn't be happening if the kids weren't there. But I don't actually see them in the strip. Maybe they aren't present. Hope they can't hear her from the other room.
Well, we know the kids have been there from the toys. In all probability, it is evening, since we do not see John Patterson preparing to go to work. As for the presence of the kids, I had presumed they were not present, just because if there is a target for Elly’s wrath, Lynn generally pictures the target and his/her reaction. On the other hand, with Elly’s open-mouthed Charles Schulz-like posture for her tirade, it’s hard to imagine that the kids wouldn’t hear it somewhere in the house, (or the whole neighbourhood for that matter). Personally, I usually prefer the strips where Elly is not screaming or shrieking directly at someone. In today’s strip, it appeared to me she was just letting off steam in frustration. However, I will say, in fairness to Lynn Johnston’s writing Elly Patterson acting this way, to my way of thinking, the overly-passive, conflict-avoiding characterizations of Michael and Liz seem right on the mark for children who would have tried to avoid confrontation with their mother at any cost. It may hit too close to home for you; but does that match with your experience?

When I turned 6, he put me in charge of mowing the lawn, which was his only job up to that time.
6?!! 6 is way too young for that task. I was given this task when I was 10, and I was too young for it then. I can’t imagine 6. You are lucky you were not seriously injured. My early years were haunted with warning stories of lawn-mowing gone wrong.

It just mattered that he was the breadwinner, and he shouldn't have to do any work outside of the office.
In this area, your father and my father differed. My father was of the opinion that household work was not his task; however, this did not mean he didn’t do work outside of the office. What it meant was that on weekends, he spent his time on home renovations, home repairs, and general carpentry for fun (shelves, tables, and the like). In other words, the kind of work around the house he liked to do.

Nearly all of the marriages of their friends that fit the "inconsiderate man/overworked wife" pattern ended in divorce or total misery.
As it turns out, my parents divorced and my dad, on his 3rd marriage, eventually married a woman who shared his beliefs on the division of household labour and is an obsessive cleaner. He’s much happier now.

That it was standard practice of men in that era not to help out wives who were clearly overworked/overstressed, does not excuse John's behavior.
Of course not, but that’s why the humour for today’s strip worked for me. Within the context of John’s character, the unenlightened behaviour seemed normal for him, and the effect was that his attempt to comfort his wife failed so miserably.

Yes, Michael was a surprise--but had John said to Elly that he never wanted children before that? I got the sense that he expected to have kids, just not right then. And we are led to believe Elizabeth was planned (I think).
My thoughts about John not wanting kids were based on John’s reaction to the Michael surprise, and his reaction to the potential arrival of April. April was the only one whose arrival we got to witness real-time, so to speak. I remember John cruel questioning of Elly’s attempts to work on a number of occasions; but as I recollect, with the coming of April, it was Elly who was the most concerned about her arrival messing up her work plans.

1:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

howard:
However, I will say, in fairness to Lynn Johnston’s writing Elly Patterson acting this way, to my way of thinking, the overly-passive, conflict-avoiding characterizations of Michael and Liz seem right on the mark for children who would have tried to avoid confrontation with their mother at any cost. It may hit too close to home for you; but does that match with your experience?

Oh, I've had a lot of therapy, so I am really good at analyzing this stuff now. ;) I'm very direct and to the point in trying to resolve disputes. My mother was very passive-aggressive, and I find that maddening. But my sisters are very passive-aggressive too. Which means they will avoid conflict sometimes, but will also want to mix it up sometimes too.

6?!! 6 is way too young for that task. I was given this task when I was 10, and I was too young for it then. I can’t imagine 6. You are lucky you were not seriously injured.

Tell me about it. My 5 year old sister was my helper. My mom knew we were too young but just stayed inside crying about it instead of intervening with my dad. Both my parents should have known better--my dad's much younger brother got his arm cut off by a lawnmower a very few years before that. The mower was just too big for us to control.

Here's the thing that gets me about FOOB: I grew up in a very abusive household (if you haven't figured that out yet) with parents in a lousy marriage. All too often, the stuff coming out of John and Elly's mouths echoes things I heard from my parents that I consider to be beyond the pale. It did not surprise me to learn that Lynn admits to being physically and emotionally abusive at times to her children, or that she and Rod had serious marital prolems. I believe a lot of what she shows in her strips can only be the product of a bad marriage/family, and it ticks me off to see her held up as a paragon of family values. Maybe I am just too sensitive to it, but there you go.

1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

BTW, did we get to see John's reaction to the Michael surprise, or hear about it? I don't recall that we did, but I don't pay as close attention as some.

2:12 PM  
Blogger howard said...

dreadedcandiru2,

The pompous pile of excrement couldn't possibly tolerate anything that suggested that Elly could live without him. His pathetic vanity and fears of irrelevance mandated that he move heaven and earth to keep her hoooooome.
Well, that’s one possible answer. In the early days, John failed to realize that your wife’s happiness is more important than the loss of total family income which comes from her employment. Ultimately though, he did realize it, and then there was the purchase of Lilliput’s, which could not have occurred with the John Patterson of 1979.

2:40 PM  
Blogger howard said...

qnjones,

Both my parents should have known better--my dad's much younger brother got his arm cut off by a lawnmower a very few years before that.
Given that background, I am even more surprised your dad would have you and your 5-year-old sister doing this. Usually personal examples reinforce parent’s rules. My grandmother lost her brother when he was fooling around trying to go swimming when he wasn’t much of a swimmer. She was very, very strict about swimming rules for her grandchildren as a result.

It did not surprise me to learn that Lynn admits to being physically and emotionally abusive at times to her children, or that she and Rod had serious marital problems. I believe a lot of what she shows in her strips can only be the product of a bad marriage/family, and it ticks me off to see her held up as a paragon of family values. Maybe I am just too sensitive to it, but there you go.
Maybe you are just the right sensitive to it. Before I started analyzing what happened in this comic strip with the detail I have, it would not have occurred to me that the story of the Pattersons was a product of a bad marriage/family.

BTW, did we get to see John's reaction to the Michael surprise, or hear about it?
In the final panel of this strip, is one of the few recent occasions where Lynn does a “show and not tell” situation. John’s reaction, Elly’s apologetic expression and her line with the emphasis on the word “how” spoke volumes to me.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, I'm not sure how much can be read into John's expression. It could be just, "Oh, how are we going to afford this?" or "Oh, I wasn't expecting that!" or it could be, "Oh, damn, I was hoping to talk her out of having children altogether."

Now that you referred me to this strip, I remember thinking that it was obvious Elly planned this accident just as Dee planned hers. I think that "I couldn't wait" stuff indicates that too.

Re: John's attitude about Elly working--there were many more benefits to her part-time work than just her happiness. When my mom went back to work after 20 years at home, she had almost no interim experience. That made it hard to get a job. Even volunteering or having a part-time job to keep up your skills makes a SAHM going back to work look more attractive to future employers. It is protecting the wife's economic potential for her to invest some time and money in "resume boosters." That John didn't care about that or didn't see it says a lot about his view of Elly's role in their family.

As for my parents: well, Dad's an abusive psychopath. It doesn't surprise me that he didn't care if we got injured with the lawnmower, because the truth is, Dad doesn't care about anybody but himself. Any slight inconvenience to him outweighs even major concerns about the health and happiness of other people. This is why I try not to have any contact with him anymore. My mother is a wimp who, when we were young, always put her own fear of confrontation/divorce ahead of protecting her children from abuse. She at least admits now that she was wrong.

Of course, we never see all that kind of ugliness in FOOB. That stuff was hidden. But the stuff we do see is exactly how my parents looked to outsiders. Which is kind of chilling, actually.

3:13 PM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

John has evolved somewhat because he sort of had to. He didn't like the idea at first but the results were worth the effort. I can see him join the Sacred Fellowship of Possum Lodge in chanting the Man's Prayer: "I'm a man but I can change if I have to, I guess." This reminds me of an ad campaign they ran in Canada for a reitrement savings plan. What would happen is that a young person would be confronted by his or her older self and be told about the great life they'd have if they invested their money in the company's mutual fund. I should think that modern-day John would like to tell his past self not to be such a jerk about his wife getting a job.

3:49 PM  
Blogger howard said...

qnjones

Now that you referred me to this strip, I remember thinking that it was obvious Elly planned this accident just as Dee planned hers.
I get it mainly when I read Elly’s sentence out loud and place a big emphasis on the word “how” just as it has been bolded. “Honestly, I don’t know how it happened.”

Re: John's attitude about Elly working--there were many more benefits to her part-time work than just her happiness. That John didn't care about that or didn't see it says a lot about his view of Elly's role in their family.
Excellent points all. My point is only that her happiness should have been enough, even if he viewed everything else about her work as detrimental.

4:53 PM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2,

I should think that modern-day John would like to tell his past self not to be such a jerk about his wife getting a job.
I would like to think that too.

4:54 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

In my early morning post I called today’s strip inspiring, meaning “thought-provoking.” I shall explain.

The vintage strips have been depicting a young wife who is investing a lot of energy in housework but nothing in mothering. We don’t see tender interactions with her children. She has become a chronic complainer who is doing nothing to enrich her own life or her children’s lives.

Qnjones points out that John has returned from work but is not offering his wife any help. Well, if a woman wants her husband’s help then she should be sufficiently assertive to request it. Instead, Elly acts like a screaming lunatic who doesn’t say one nice word to her child or her husband. Although John sometimes seems clueless, he is never abusive.

John is reminding Elly that she possesses the things that she said wanted, which was to be a (good) mom. And like all goals and aspirations, it takes hard work to make it happen.

My father was a laborer and was dead-tired when he came home at the end of a long day. Housework, in comparison, seemed like recreation. My mother rarely complained -- she was thankful that he came home uninjured. My dad taught me the meaning of work and my mother taught me to be thankful for all the things that go right. I grew up believing that my parents were the best.

It’s interesting to see how differently we respond to a four-panel comic strip. I support John because he is putting his immature wife in her place. I have no patience for whiners.

Anon NYC

7:34 PM  

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