Welcome to the Judgmental Café
In today’s new-run of For Better or For Worse, I think Lynn Johnston is trying to make an effort to flesh out the character of Ted McCaulay that we really only knew from his biography. Ultimately, Ted is going to end up in a romance with Connie Poirier, and like Phil Richards before him, Ted is condemned for being a man who is not serious about getting married. As Elly put it about Phil, “He’s independent, his life is music and late nights! – He practices at 3 a.m., (and my favourite part) He does yoga. He’s not a family man—he’ll never settle down.” Basically, it is the musician’s lifestyle which condemns Phil. Maybe the yoga.
With Dr. Ted McCaulay, his point seems to be that he doesn’t need to settle down because he already has with his mother what a man needs after the romance cools off – cooking, cleaning and laundry. Notice that Dr. Ted does not say one word about having children. If I take Ted at his word, then what he is interested in with women is the romance. He may really mean “sex” when he says, “romance”, but that’s not what he says. It works either way. We have seen enough of Elly Patterson to know that her life with John Patterson has very little romance or sex to it. Ted can take a look at John and say, “If that’s married life, I would rather be single. There’s no romance, and probably there’s no sex either.”
I can actually empathize with Ted on this point. When I was a single, young man; I liked dating. There’s a girl you think is attractive, and you would like to get to know her better. You ask her out on a date and do something fun. After it’s over if you had a good time, and if she had a good time, and you got to know her a little better; then it was a good date. You don’t have to ask her out again. You don’t have to consider marriage with her. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The difference between me and Dr. Ted McCaulay, is that he seems to have no expectation that he might come across someone that he falls in love with and realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with her (or him). For me, this is the point where you want to go from casual dating for fun to a more serious commitment. There is not a specific time by which this has to happen. However, love is not even discussed in this strip, and we have seen by the Liz and Anthony courtship, “love” is unimportant to marriage. As I have pointed out many times, Anthony Caine never told Liz he loved her.
John Patterson’s advice to Ted is that he needs someone else in his life, as if getting a wife is something like hiring a maid or an interior decorator. The implication from the strip is that there is a certain point in a man’s life when he should realize that he is no longer young, single and good-looking and he should move out of his mother’s house and get settled down, so he has a wife who will do the cooking, cleaning and laundry for him instead of his mom. As insulting as Dr. Ted is in his regard for what women bring to a marriage, I don’t find John Patterson’s attitude to be much better.
Because Dr. Ted McCaulay does not realize that he is too old to be playing the field, the waitress at the Judgmental Café gives him the big “Loser!” designation. That’s ridiculous. What we do know about Dr. Ted, is that he has made it through medical school, is competent enough to maintain his own practice, and apparently pays his mother’s living expenses. Assuming Ted is about the same age as John Patterson at this point, then he is in his early 30s. How is he too old to be playing the field?
Here is the timeline issue for this strip. John and Elly married in university. Mike wanted to marry Deanna when they were both in university, and did get married shortly after graduation. I didn’t really even think about his until we got to the romance of Liz and Anthony. With Liz and Anthony, the implication was that Liz was supposed to get engaged to Anthony when they were in university, but Anthony got engaged to Thérèse instead. Gordon Mayes pointedly said, “I thought Anthony would be engaged to you.” Anthony then marries Thérèse just after they graduate university. Then Liz got her second chance to marry Anthony and "Another Chance" is the title of their romance page on the website, so I know I am not just making this up. For some reason, the timeline for getting married is just after or during university, and if you don’t do that, then you have screwed up.
Oh my God! Dr. Ted is in his 30s, and he graduated from medical school when he was 28. He should be married by now with children on the way. And when he talks about romance, he never says to John Patterson, “John. I plan to get married. I just haven’t found the right girl.” No. He says, “I’m gonna play the field.” He should be on a desperate search to find Miss Right. When Connie Poirier comes around, Dr. Ted should have just snatched her right up and put her to work doing his cooking, cleaning and laundry. But no! He doesn’t do that. What a loser!
At least, when it comes to Lynn Johnston expressing a point-of-view, she is still a complete success at getting me to think the exact opposite way from that point-of-view. I never really cared for Dr. Ted; but thanks to this strip, now I don’t think of Dr. Ted as a loser. I actually have more respect for him for not settling down with these judgmental Milborough women.
With Dr. Ted McCaulay, his point seems to be that he doesn’t need to settle down because he already has with his mother what a man needs after the romance cools off – cooking, cleaning and laundry. Notice that Dr. Ted does not say one word about having children. If I take Ted at his word, then what he is interested in with women is the romance. He may really mean “sex” when he says, “romance”, but that’s not what he says. It works either way. We have seen enough of Elly Patterson to know that her life with John Patterson has very little romance or sex to it. Ted can take a look at John and say, “If that’s married life, I would rather be single. There’s no romance, and probably there’s no sex either.”
I can actually empathize with Ted on this point. When I was a single, young man; I liked dating. There’s a girl you think is attractive, and you would like to get to know her better. You ask her out on a date and do something fun. After it’s over if you had a good time, and if she had a good time, and you got to know her a little better; then it was a good date. You don’t have to ask her out again. You don’t have to consider marriage with her. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The difference between me and Dr. Ted McCaulay, is that he seems to have no expectation that he might come across someone that he falls in love with and realizes he wants to spend the rest of his life with her (or him). For me, this is the point where you want to go from casual dating for fun to a more serious commitment. There is not a specific time by which this has to happen. However, love is not even discussed in this strip, and we have seen by the Liz and Anthony courtship, “love” is unimportant to marriage. As I have pointed out many times, Anthony Caine never told Liz he loved her.
John Patterson’s advice to Ted is that he needs someone else in his life, as if getting a wife is something like hiring a maid or an interior decorator. The implication from the strip is that there is a certain point in a man’s life when he should realize that he is no longer young, single and good-looking and he should move out of his mother’s house and get settled down, so he has a wife who will do the cooking, cleaning and laundry for him instead of his mom. As insulting as Dr. Ted is in his regard for what women bring to a marriage, I don’t find John Patterson’s attitude to be much better.
Because Dr. Ted McCaulay does not realize that he is too old to be playing the field, the waitress at the Judgmental Café gives him the big “Loser!” designation. That’s ridiculous. What we do know about Dr. Ted, is that he has made it through medical school, is competent enough to maintain his own practice, and apparently pays his mother’s living expenses. Assuming Ted is about the same age as John Patterson at this point, then he is in his early 30s. How is he too old to be playing the field?
Here is the timeline issue for this strip. John and Elly married in university. Mike wanted to marry Deanna when they were both in university, and did get married shortly after graduation. I didn’t really even think about his until we got to the romance of Liz and Anthony. With Liz and Anthony, the implication was that Liz was supposed to get engaged to Anthony when they were in university, but Anthony got engaged to Thérèse instead. Gordon Mayes pointedly said, “I thought Anthony would be engaged to you.” Anthony then marries Thérèse just after they graduate university. Then Liz got her second chance to marry Anthony and "Another Chance" is the title of their romance page on the website, so I know I am not just making this up. For some reason, the timeline for getting married is just after or during university, and if you don’t do that, then you have screwed up.
Oh my God! Dr. Ted is in his 30s, and he graduated from medical school when he was 28. He should be married by now with children on the way. And when he talks about romance, he never says to John Patterson, “John. I plan to get married. I just haven’t found the right girl.” No. He says, “I’m gonna play the field.” He should be on a desperate search to find Miss Right. When Connie Poirier comes around, Dr. Ted should have just snatched her right up and put her to work doing his cooking, cleaning and laundry. But no! He doesn’t do that. What a loser!
At least, when it comes to Lynn Johnston expressing a point-of-view, she is still a complete success at getting me to think the exact opposite way from that point-of-view. I never really cared for Dr. Ted; but thanks to this strip, now I don’t think of Dr. Ted as a loser. I actually have more respect for him for not settling down with these judgmental Milborough women.
posted by howard at 11:10 PM
10 Comments:
We got married in college, but we knew at the time that we were definitely an anomaly, and I wouldn't encourage anyone to think it's supposed to be "the norm", in fact, I'd definitely discourage marriage that early for most people, though it worked for us.
We got our degrees, we developed our careers, we had eventually had kids, we're still together and happy - and neither of us became a "martyr housewife" like Elly. ;]
howard,
It works either way. We have seen enough of Elly Patterson to know that her life with John Patterson has very little romance or sex to it. Ted can take a look at John and say, “If that’s married life, I would rather be single. There’s no romance, and probably there’s no sex either.”
This is true; it's too bad for him that he's the creation of an artist who seems to fear and hate the concept of romance. Strong emotions, you see, are dangerous and must be avoided.
The implication from the strip is that there is a certain point in a man’s life when he should realize that he is no longer young, single and good-looking and he should move out of his mother’s house and get settled down, so he has a wife who will do the cooking, cleaning and laundry for him instead of his mom. As insulting as Dr. Ted is in his regard for what women bring to a marriage, I don’t find John Patterson’s attitude to be much better.
You already pointed out that his search for Miss Right must be desperate and crazy so I don't need to point it out. Since Ted wanted to enjoy himself, he's a creep.
howard,
At least, when it comes to Lynn Johnston expressing a point-of-view, she is still a complete success at getting me to think the exact opposite way from that point-of-view.
I feel exactly the same. After reading this strip I had a small flash of regret that I'm living with my boyfriend! I wanted to go back to "playing the field"!
I had to get a lot out of a relationship to want to finally commit and "settle down", so to speak. I was thinking that, in FBofW, a man gets "cooking, cleaning and laundry," and a woman gets bills payed, and then I remembered Mike and Deanna. Deanna raises the kids and has a full-time well-paying job, but what else does she get? The Pattermanse, and to tick off her mother, I guess. For this people are supposed to give up romance/sex and "playing the field"? Blech, give me Ted over John, Mike or Anthony any day.
Anonymous,
We got our degrees, we developed our careers, we had eventually had kids, we're still together and happy - and neither of us became a "martyr housewife" like Elly. ;]
The whole business with Elly dropping out of school to support John has never set well with me. Was John so strapped for money, he needed someone in his life to help him pay his education bills? It doesn’t make sense he would be so unprepared to pay his university bills, and Elly had to martyr herself. Your situation is much better.
DreadedCandiru2,
You already pointed out that his search for Miss Right must be desperate and crazy so I don't need to point it out. Since Ted wanted to enjoy himself, he's a creep.
I think the real problem with this new-run of Ted, is Lynn Johnston seems to have forgotten who the character is at the time where she is drawing this strip. In 1999, she did the strip where Liz reports that she spotted Ted in a bar at age 50, trying to pick up a girl who was 20, then the character seemed more pathetic. In 1980, Ted is 31 and just 3 years out of med school. A woman in her 20s is not going to be turned off by Ted’s age. Lynn seems to remember Ted as the guy from 1999, not the guy from 1980.
clio-1,
Deanna raises the kids and has a full-time well-paying job, but what else does she get? The Pattermanse, and to tick off her mother, I guess.
There is a strong emphasis in the strip that the ideal man is one who is always there for you. Warren Blackwood and Paul Wright did not have this attribute, but Anthony Caine did. John Patterson did too. Mike’s main problem was that he was too busy to do this; but after he quit his job with Portrait, he is always at home. Deanna gets a man who is always there for her and not only that but she always knows where he is. Ultimately, Mike ends up making enough money with his writing so that Deanna can do that sewing school instead of working in a pharmacy and making all the money.
I don't know...I still think Ted is a creep. He's a doctor who makes good money, living at home with his mother, who is taking care of him, not him taking care of his elderly mother. So he's taking advantage of the situation.
Also, since he has all his manly needs taken care of by mommy, all he needs now is someone to have sex with, which he gets from his dates, who probably are turned on by the fact that he's a youngish doctor. But these relationships probably never move on beyond the first few dates.
Ted probably kept this mentality when he married his secretary, since his secretary-wife cleaned the whole house before leaving him since poor Teddy-baby couldn't possibly do it on his own until he gets a cleaning service, and thus would be found dead under a mound of fast food wrappers within the week. I'm telling you, if my husband cheated on me, the last thing I would be thinking of while packing up to leave is to clean a house that is no longer "mine".
Anyway, I actually like this strip, because the waitress/cashier probably overheard a lot of the conversation between Ted and John, since they are finishing up right in front of her, so that's why she thought of him as a loser. I like this FOOB extra...she has standards, unlike Connie. She should be on the front page for Women's History Month.
Destroyer of Worlds,
But these relationships probably never move on beyond the first few dates.
I don't see a problem with that.
I also don't see where Ted is taking advantage of his mother. On the contrary, she seems to really, really, really want him to keep living at home.
Considering the world of FBofW, in which romance dies with marriage, if there ever was romance in the first place, in which women are martyrs and men are jerks, Ted is completely correct to not want to marry. In our world, he would be a sexist jerk -- in that world, he is absolutely on target. Also, even in our world, there's nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy yourself and play the field and never marry.
If I had a husband and he cheated on me, and I decided that meant I would dissolve the marriage, I'd keep the house.
Ted's a loser all right. Because he's a misogynistic pig who believes in using women for housework.
He's a rich doctor. He could hire out his housework. Instead, he lets his elderly mother do it. Even if she wants to do it, no self-respecting person uses their elderly parent that way. If my mom tried to come over to do my laundry and clean my house, I would change the locks. Why? I love her and want her to have a life, not spend all her free time as my maid.
And it apparently never occurred to Ted that cooking, cleaning, and laundry are NOT skills that women will perform automatically for the men in their lives. Mr. Selfish just assumes that any woman lucky enough to marry him would be so grateful that she would automatically become his scullery maid.
This strip, interestingly enough, really puts a date on FOOB, even though it is a new one. In the marriages of people I know who got married after 1990, this stuff is NOT assumed, and men usually do at least some of the cooking, cleaning, and laundry, even if the wife stays at home. Even some folks I know in my parents' generation had more enlightened divisions of labor.
So yeah, Ted's a loser.
Clio, I guess I should have made myself clearer with my comment about Ted's relationships never moving beyond the first few dates...the logical conclusion of a series of dates doesn't have to mean marriage...that's fine.
I just get the sense that Ted has a system down where he gets all the benefits without investing very much of himself, and so he never happens to find someone he really likes and therefore is open to the idea of a long-term relationship. Didn't he get married after his mother died? If I'm right, he married his secretary to replace his mother's housekeeping duties. I'll have to go poke around the FBOFW site to see for sure...
As for who leaves the house and who keeps it after someone cheats comment...if it was my house, then yes, that would be my boot-mark on my cheating ex's butt, but if it was his house, i.e. he inherited it from his mother, then that's a different story...
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