John Patterson, Symbol of Fear
I thought Lynn Johnston was headed for a “John is an incompetent father” story with the story she is telling this week in For Better or For Worse about Elly spending a week away visiting her parents. Instead we have the second new-run showing young Michael and Lizzie completely panicked about the idea of being away from their mother. In the meantime, John appears to be a competent parent up until the last panel when he foolishly pulls the kids out of their normal sleeping environment to sleep in bed with him.
I remember when my wife went through a brief period of wanting to put our very young son in bed with us. I couldn’t sleep. I kept having nightmares I would roll over and crush him in my sleep. John’s solution wouldn’t have worked for me. There is a reason babies are kept in cribs. Even today, I dread going on road trips and having to share a hotel bed with my son who rolls, squirms, kicks and flails about all night. I suspect Lynn Johnston was more intrigued by drawing John surrounded by his children and their favourite stuffed animals than anything practical. In that respect, it works for visual humour, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
I can not see where sleeping with the kids would provide a solution. If the children are so terrified by being away from their mother, when their father is in clear view, then what possible difference would it make where they slept? The little nervous wrecks would be frightened either in their own beds or in their father’s bed. Perhaps it is the scent of Elly in her bedroom that calms them. John might have sprayed a little Elly perfume about. Eau de hamburger grease. Or the children simply could be comforted sleeping on the sheets their mother so meticulously shaves.
I am not sure why Lynn Johnston has chosen the path to take of showing the children traumatized by Elly’s departure. It doesn’t make much sense with the story we have been shown so far. Lizzie has been with a sitter. Michael goes to preschool every day. If they are paralyzed with fear with Elly gone, how do they handle a sitter and preschool? The obvious answer is that it is not so much Elly being gone as John being there. That would explain their ability to handle a sitter and preschool. John is not there. The conclusion to draw is that even though their father has promised dining out (smartly kicking away those frozen dinners left by Elly) and movies, it does not dissuade the children from their fear of their father.
Is that what I am supposed to take away from this? John is a competent parent, but his children are terrified of being alone with him? All I can say is that Lynn Johnston has taken a story-telling position I never would have suspected was coming. I congratulate her once again for surprising me. Maybe if we are lucky tomorrow’s strip will have them at a restaurant with the children running away from John screaming, “Stay away from us. We want mama!”
I remember when my wife went through a brief period of wanting to put our very young son in bed with us. I couldn’t sleep. I kept having nightmares I would roll over and crush him in my sleep. John’s solution wouldn’t have worked for me. There is a reason babies are kept in cribs. Even today, I dread going on road trips and having to share a hotel bed with my son who rolls, squirms, kicks and flails about all night. I suspect Lynn Johnston was more intrigued by drawing John surrounded by his children and their favourite stuffed animals than anything practical. In that respect, it works for visual humour, even if it doesn’t make any sense.
I can not see where sleeping with the kids would provide a solution. If the children are so terrified by being away from their mother, when their father is in clear view, then what possible difference would it make where they slept? The little nervous wrecks would be frightened either in their own beds or in their father’s bed. Perhaps it is the scent of Elly in her bedroom that calms them. John might have sprayed a little Elly perfume about. Eau de hamburger grease. Or the children simply could be comforted sleeping on the sheets their mother so meticulously shaves.
I am not sure why Lynn Johnston has chosen the path to take of showing the children traumatized by Elly’s departure. It doesn’t make much sense with the story we have been shown so far. Lizzie has been with a sitter. Michael goes to preschool every day. If they are paralyzed with fear with Elly gone, how do they handle a sitter and preschool? The obvious answer is that it is not so much Elly being gone as John being there. That would explain their ability to handle a sitter and preschool. John is not there. The conclusion to draw is that even though their father has promised dining out (smartly kicking away those frozen dinners left by Elly) and movies, it does not dissuade the children from their fear of their father.
Is that what I am supposed to take away from this? John is a competent parent, but his children are terrified of being alone with him? All I can say is that Lynn Johnston has taken a story-telling position I never would have suspected was coming. I congratulate her once again for surprising me. Maybe if we are lucky tomorrow’s strip will have them at a restaurant with the children running away from John screaming, “Stay away from us. We want mama!”
posted by howard at 10:32 PM
18 Comments:
howard,
Is that what I am supposed to take away from this? John is a competent parent, but his children are terrified of being alone with him?
Yes, I believe it is. It's not hard to see why this might be, sadly enough. I would not put it past Elly to frighten her children into compliance by making him out to be a violent monster who can't wait to beat them. The passive-aggressive shmuck isn't going to win this round; Elly has made sure of that. He has no intent other than to bond with his kids but his wife can't stand the idea; she's convinced that if they did, they'd be plotting her overthrow.
Our kids did sleep in bed with us when they were babies (saved us the cost of a crib too), but I'm sure adult sleep-awareness varies from person to person. We're not terribly heavy sleepers.
I remember when my wife went through a brief period of wanting to put our very young son in bed with us. I couldn’t sleep. I kept having nightmares I would roll over and crush him in my sleep. John’s solution wouldn’t have worked for me. There is a reason babies are kept in cribs.
We never used a crib--our son slept in our bed until he was 14 months old, which is when we moved him to a toddler bed we had set up as a sidecar to our bed (so he could still nurse during the night). One difference, though, is that we had the baby between me and a rail my husband had put on my side of the bed. I didn't worry about rolling over him, as nursing mothers develop a sixth sense in relation to their nurslings, and my husband didn't need to worry. :)
My first reaction to seeing that John had taken the kids into bed with him was that it was (uncharacteristically) kind of sweet and showed more flexibility than I'd have expected from him.
Recently, my son had a stomach virus that had him throwing up--a lot. I was worried about him throwing up during the night, in his own room, so had him sleep in our bed with a sick bucket on hand.
smartly kicking away those frozen dinners left by Elly
I picked up on that, too. There's a strip that ran a few years into the strip, where Elly goes on a trip for some "library" conference and briefs John on all the food she's prepared in advance. He jettisoned that in favor of restaurant food.
You know--LJ having Liz in daycare already will necessitate she skip a strip she had when she first put Liz in "playcare" when she had her "volunteer" position with the local newspaper. Lizzie is all excited about being there and playing with other children until she realizes "You not staying?"
BTW, my verification word is "stink"!
Everyone really does seem terrified. John seems as scared as the kids.
There was one real bed in my family's little cottage, and I stayed there in the summers with my grandmother, so I slept in it with her until I was about 8 or 9 -- until I could pull out the sleeper couch, basically. I don't know that I'd worry about rolling over a kid; I've slept with cats my whole life and never rolled over them. One of my cats takes up more of the bed than me sometimes, in fact.
I can actually see sharing a bed with a parent when the other parent is away. I used to do that with my mom when my dad was away. It was fun for me, and it helped my mother sleep to have someone else there. I've always slept like a log, though. My parents used to check to see if I was still breathing, girls at sleepovers used to check, and my boyfriends even checked. My current boyfriend has gotten over it.
During my pregnancy, we got a co-sleeper bassinette. It can be used as a regular bassinette, but it also has a side that drops down and special straps to attach it to one side of the bed, like a little sidecar.
The first night after we came home from the hospital, we had the bassinette across the room from us, sides up. When the baby woke and cried, my husband brought him to me in our bed, and I nursed the baby back to sleep. I spent that entire night worried that my husband would roll over onto the baby, and when I told him so the next morning, he said something like, "You had him in the bed the whole night? I thought you put him back!"
The next night, he set up the bassinette as a sidecar, with the side down, on my side of the bed. The only problem was that our bed is lower than standard, and the co-sleeper had a little lip to it--so it wasn't possible to nurse the baby while he was in there (kind of defeating the whole purpose). So I ended up using the co-sleeper as a rail and keeping the baby next to me on the bed. Eventually, my husband just built a rail and we got rid of the mostly unused co-sleeper.
DreadedCandiru2,
I would not put it past Elly to frighten her children into compliance by making him out to be a violent monster who can't wait to beat them.
This could be a possibility. The indirect point being made is that John has made his own bed with his kids, and now he has to lie in it.
Anonymous,
We're not terribly heavy sleepers.
I am a very heavy sleeper. According to my wife, I slept through the time lightning struck a tree just outside our house. I didn’t sleep well with my baby in my bed though.
aprilp_katje,
I didn't worry about rolling over him, as nursing mothers develop a sixth sense in relation to their nurslings, and my husband didn't need to worry. :)
This must be why my wife did not have the same nightmares I did. That darn sixth sense. However, we had no rail, so ultimately our babies ended up in a small crib beside the bed.
Recently, my son had a stomach virus that had him throwing up--a lot. I was worried about him throwing up during the night, in his own room, so had him sleep in our bed with a sick bucket on hand.
Once our kids were mobile and able to climb into a bed, it was not uncommon for us to wake up in the morning and find that our children had climbed into bed with us. Eventually though, they got so big, that turned into a bad habit because they were in near constant motion as they slept. At least it seemed that way to me.
You know--LJ having Liz in daycare already will necessitate she skip a strip she had when she first put Liz in "playcare" when she had her "volunteer" position with the local newspaper.
Technically, I think LJ has only mentioned the regular sitter in her weekly letters when she talked about going to writing class. That has never been mentioned in the new-runs. Of course, even if Lynn Johnston had written a new-run strip showing Lizzie going to playcare every day, the way she is playing with continuity, that strip could show up anyway.
I spent that entire night worried that my husband would roll over onto the baby, and when I told him so the next morning, he said something like, "You had him in the bed the whole night? I thought you put him back!"
Ah, the sleep of the ignorant. If only he had known your son was there, then he could have been worried like I was. I guess the fact he made it through the night without squishing your son must have given him the confidence he wouldn’t do that.
clio-1,
Everyone really does seem terrified. John seems as scared as the kids.
Yes, but he doesn’t start out that way. It is only after he realizes how desperate his kids are that their mother has left. If I were in that situation, I might be frightened how emotionally dependent my kids were on my spouse.
I don't know that I'd worry about rolling over a kid; I've slept with cats my whole life and never rolled over them.
Back in the days before I married a woman with severe cat allergies, I used to have cats. Never rolled over on a cat in bed, eh? It is an interesting experience for all involved. You should try it some time.
I can actually see sharing a bed with a parent when the other parent is away.
My daughter does that with my wife every time I go on a Boy Scout outing with my son. It’s like a little sleepover with mommy. They stay up late and watch movies in bed. Then I come home and find all kinds of snack food bits on my side.
Isn't Michael like 5? Can't he just say six nights? Do people really say sleeps? Eew.
Of course, even if Lynn Johnston had written a new-run strip showing Lizzie going to playcare every day, the way she is playing with continuity, that strip could show up anyway.
An excellent point! I need to keep reminding myself that she simply doesn't care.
I guess the fact he made it through the night without squishing your son must have given him the confidence he wouldn’t do that.
It might have been that he thought, "We sure were lucky!" He did get busy on that co-sleeper once I told him we'd had the baby between us the whole night. :)
howard,
Yes, but he doesn’t start out that way. It is only after he realizes how desperate his kids are that their mother has left. If I were in that situation, I might be frightened how emotionally dependent my kids were on my spouse.
It's too bad that we're "not allowed" to think along those lines; Lynn's clear intention is to show John as a callous incompetent who's too dim to realize that he's needlessly frightening his children. The idea that he's freaked out by the prospect that his kids suffer from Stockholm syndrome is not what Lynn intends us to think.
Yeah, I thought "six sleeps" was unnecessarily childish for a kid Mike's age. I mean, come on, the kid's what, 6? And he's already picked out his wife. He's old enough to understand the concept of days.
It seems to me that it is pretty normal for kids to be uneasy when their primary caregiver goes away. My sisters and I used to kick up a fuss whenever Mom got us a babysitter, even if we liked the babysitter. It's not necessarily a statement against John's skills. Although we have seen that John tends to be disconnected from the kids on a daily basis, unless he is making some special effort. No wonder the kids don't feel especially close to him. And I have to say, that was a pretty usual way for kids to feel about their dads when I was growing up. Dads worked, Moms took care of kids and the house. There wasn't a lot of interaction with Dads. Maybe that's where Lynn is coming from. God knows she seems to be ignorant of other baby trends from the last 30 years, maybe she isn't aware that Dads are spending more time with their kids.
qnjones,
I mean, come on, the kid's what, 6? And he's already picked out his wife. He's old enough to understand the concept of days.
If he’s in preschool that would put him at 4. As for picking out a wife, this is Milborough after all. He’s right on schedule.
My sisters and I used to kick up a fuss whenever Mom got us a babysitter, even if we liked the babysitter.
Kick up a fuss, yes. Continue to kick up the fuss all the way to bedtime? For me, that is pushing it.
Dads worked, Moms took care of kids and the house. There wasn't a lot of interaction with Dads. Maybe that's where Lynn is coming from.
That seems to be point she is making. She doesn’t seem to be making any concession for the idea that Mike at preschool, or Lizzie with a sitter might be somewhat accustomed to spending time with other people than their mother. John has so little interaction with his kids that they weep when mom leaves to the point where they have to sleep in the same bed with John in order to get them to calm down. I would be amused to see a strip where John drops Michael off at preschool and asks him why he isn’t frightened to be without his mother there, to which Michael replies something like, “I know them.”
God knows she seems to be ignorant of other baby trends from the last 30 years, maybe she isn't aware that Dads are spending more time with their kids.
And yet, 30 years ago when she did the story the first time, this is not the point she was trying to make. The strip of old taunted John for not knowing where things were and for leaving a mess for Elly to clean up when she got back. The big alteration with the new-run is this emotional reaction of the kids to Elly's leaving.
And I have to say, that was a pretty usual way for kids to feel about their dads when I was growing up. Dads worked, Moms took care of kids and the house.
Not for me, and I'm 32. Moms did cook and clean more, and tended to stay home with the kids before the kids went to school. The neighbors, or babysitters, or family, or daycare, would then take over after-school caretaking when the Moms went back to work and/or college. No kids kicked up a fuss when someone else watched them, since they had been used to other people watching them since they were babies. And dads were very much expected to be dads -- to spend time with their kids, to be able to take care of them, to enjoy playing with them, to teach them to ride their bikes, take them to the park, watch sports with them, etc. A world without dads being dads sounds awfully cold and artificial to me.
I can't imagine myself or any of my friends making fusses when the babysitter came around. I can't even imagine the punishment for it, because it would be such a strange thing to do. To make a fuss because Dad was going to take care of us? Okay, maybe we'd miss Mom, but... no, I don't remember any kids throwing a fit when their mommies went away for a while. It was more like, "bye Mom, bring me presents," followed by glee that we'd get to have more junk food than usual.
clio-1,
And dads were very much expected to be dads -- to spend time with their kids, to be able to take care of them, to enjoy playing with them, to teach them to ride their bikes, take them to the park, watch sports with them, etc.
I think this depends a lot on the father. This description is not my father, but then I am 47 and not 32. My dad was not a “playing in the park” or “teach the kids to ride bikes” kind of guy. He would let you watch sports with him, as long as you didn’t wake him up when he fell asleep. When I think about the fathers of friends I had at the time, they were very similar. I and my sisters learned to ride bikes by observing and getting instruction from our friends. There was no park to play in, but plenty of woods. On the other hand, there were lots of kids in my neighbourhood, and I really didn’t need my father to have fun. Then again, my parents divorced and a lot of that has to do with fact that my dad was not around.
This is the second time we've seen a Patterson Parent in bed with the kids. When everybody but John had "the flu"--he was exiled to the non-comfy couch so Elly & the kids could use the bed. Supposedly, this was to save him from infection. (Although he'd already have been exposed. Maybe it really was influenza, despite the symptoms, & he'd been vaccinated that year. Flu vaccine was definitely available by the time Shania Twain began her career!)
Of course, the real reason was to present a cozy picture of Elly, surrounded by her beloved children. While he dealt with the too-short couch.
Both are new strips, aren't they? I don't remember the Pattersons being so cozy before.
But--my main point--why is Baby Liz on the edge of the bed in both strips? She still sleeps in a crib--which we see in today's strip. Might she not fall off in the night? Or might John need to get up--awakening the kids?
Guess LJ just thought that made a "cute" image....
I'm thinking way too much about what's now yesterday's strip. But my last post was wrong: The image of The Parent In Bed With a Child on Either Side is not meant to be cute or cozy.
It represents The Parent Trapped by Offspring. Poor Elly immobile between two sick kids. Just as she's "trapped" in her SAHM-ness, when she really wants to express herself by her writing! Yup, she'd have a much better life if she hadn't been impelled to quit school & retire to the suburbs by some mysterious force. She did NOT choose the life she's in.
Of course, it would make much more sense for Liz to be in the middle, with the adult on one side for protection. (Guess some of her later silliness can be blamed on those times she obviously fell out of the grownup bed--on her head.)
Now it's John's turn to feel trapped!
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