Wednesday, April 16, 2008

So Much For Tough

I remember when I hit my high school years and I started getting homework in the kinds of amounts which could not be accomplished before my parentally-prescribed hours of sleeping. I had one math teacher in particular, who was fond of assigning all the problems in the math book + extras. I suspect this was so that the next day, when we went over the problems in the homework assignment, it would take almost the entire class time and she would not have to spend as much time lecturing on the next math concept. When I had this teacher, my mom came to a certain realization that I was still up doing homework late at night not because I had been procrastinating, but because that was what was required to accomplish the task.


My situation started out similar to the situation played out in today's For Better or For Worse. My mom would say, "Time for bed." I would say, "I'm not done and this is due tomorrow." My mom would say, "If you managed your time better, you would have gotten this done earlier." I would say, "I've been working on this since I got home from school." Then my mom would look at the amount of work and say, "Whew! That's a lot of work. Stay up if you need to." And after that, she never complained about my staying up to do homework again.

Therein lies the difference between Elly Patterson and my mother and think there is a good reason for it, even within the characters as they have been drawn. Elly Patterson quit university with the excuse she was helping John with the money for him to finish dental school. However, the fact that her parents were very disappointed she would make this choice, plus the idea that John Patterson had planned for his education funding so poorly that he needed whatever funds Elly could muster, fly in the face of this idea. The way it always seems to me is that Elly quit because she wanted to.

There has been no indication that Elly is particularly bright when it comes to school work, aside from being able to get into the University of Toronto in the first place. My mom, on the other hand, was very good at school work. She was skipped a grade, back in the days when they used to do that sort of thing for kids who were working in advance of their level. Not only that, but when she married my dad and they were both in university, she took classes for her degree, worked 2 jobs AND had me. In all likelihood she would have finished her Masters, had Dad not been drafted and my parents were forced to move. She did eventually finish her degree at a different university during summers, after Dad was out of the Army. The point is that my mom was accustomed to the idea that you might have stay up at night to do school work. She was accustomed to the idea that someone might want to finish what they were working on.

Elly Patterson doesn't seem to have that concept. It is so foreign to her that the mere suggestion of the idea causes her to declare she is finished with motherhood. What mother, seeing this strip today, is going to say, "Oh, when my kids want to finish their schoolwork, and I want them to come to dinner right then; they should get up immediately and eat or else I will bring food to them and force them to eat."? That concept is foreign to me.

Now that I think about it, over the last several months, the Pattersons have been shown with an interest in food consumption that borders on obsessive. In light of this, perhaps what we are seeing is not Elly declaring an end to motherhood because her daughter raised her voice to her over schoolwork; but an end to motherhood because Elly realizes she has raised a daughter who values something else over eating food. For Elly Patterson, this would be as clear an indication that she could get that she has failed as a parent. A Patterson who doesn't drop everything at the mere mention of food is not a Patterson at all. Elly should quit motherhood with April, if she has failed to get that most basic principle of Patterson life instilled her daughter. The idea that this is what Lynn Johnston was trying to put across is silly, I hope.

On the other hand, what we could be seeing is the usual problem with the Elly / April relationship as it has been portrayed for the last few years. Lynn Johnston wants April to be a defiant teenaged daughter so Elly can struggle with this, except she cannot be too mean in her defiance or no one will like April. The result is a mother who appears to be overreacting for comic effect to a defiant daughter any other parent would be proud to have.


I have some friends like this at my church. They have two daughters who are models of good behaviour. They help out the other kids. They help out the Sunday School teachers. They are involved in everything, and they follow instructions to the letter. And yet, when I say something like that to their dad, he always mentions some occasion when one of his daughters misbehaved over some minor thing. Most often I get the feeling this is the way Elly is, a parent who doesn't appreciate what a wonderful daughter she has. When Elly blows her top like she does in today's strip, it doesn't make me laugh.

22 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Elly gave up on motherhood 30 years ago.

10:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to relate this, though: When I was a teenager, I certainly was different in public than at home.

In public, I was a model citizen; a mother's dream. At home, I was surly and rude to my parents; not exactly a model child.

Your friend's children may present a different face at home than at church.

10:48 PM  
Blogger howard said...

james,

Possibly, but my point was that the father could not take the compliment of his child without pointing out this at-home behaviour. His examples of their mischief were pretty mild.

I know what you mean though. My kids' worst behaviour is around me and my wife at home. Fortunately for us, we have the benefit of seeing what April and Elly both did, and can judge for ourselves.

1:05 AM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

Most often I get the feeling this is the way Elly is, a parent who doesn't appreciate what a wonderful daughter she has. When Elly blows her top like she does in today's strip, it doesn't make me laugh.

My dad was like this! He never got the concept of "don't sweat the small stuff," and he seemed to have a mental image of ideal teenage behavior imprinted from watching Leave it to Beaver. I was one of the world's most mild teenagers, but he'd act as if I were a hellion because at times I'd respond to him with an unpleasant "tone" and I didn't necessarily drop everything to do something the very second he asked/ordered me to.

And so true, james, that Elly gave up one motherhood 30 years ago. Why act as if this is a new feeling on her part?

3:52 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

howtheduck:

April is clearly an anomaly when it comes to the love of school work. Elly quit school because she could not handle the pressure, John hated doing essays and reading and her older siblings were, at best, indifferent students. How odd that they think good study habits are a bad thing.

3:59 AM  
Blogger howard said...

aprilp_katje,

I was one of the world's most mild teenagers, but he'd act as if I were a hellion because at times I'd respond to him with an unpleasant "tone" and I didn't necessarily drop everything to do something the very second he asked/ordered me to.

It sounds like you and your father had a difficult relationship. I hope that there were some fun moments where you were not considered a hellion. According my father, my great grandfather fell into the category of the "spare the rod and spoil the child", and my grandfather spent much of his young life trying to do things to please his father, who could not be pleased. There was a generation where that was considered to be good fathering, but I cannot imagine it was much fun.

6:27 AM  
Blogger howard said...

dreadedcandiru2,

How odd that they think good study habits are a bad thing.

I am sure that deep down the Pattersons think good study habits are a good thing, as long as they don't get in the way of eating.

6:28 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

The situation sounds familiar. Growing up, I tried hard to be a model kid -- got straight A’s, never got in trouble at school, was active in church, didn’t smoke or drink or party, and skipped a lot of social gatherings to babysit my younger siblings. Even so, my parents were constantly hounding me to keep my room cleaner or behave better in public (I once made the mistake of saying “damn” in front of the teenage daughter of some friends of theirs), telling me how angry and ashamed they were of my failings. One day I finally snapped and said, “Look, I do all this stuff to prove I’m a good kid, what more do you want?”

They both goggled at me and exclaimed in horror, “What, that’s all an ACT so you can LOOK GOOD?"

Poor April. I sympathize.

7:10 AM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

howtheduck, when I was a teenager, my father once told me, "I hope God loves teenagers, because no one else does!" I'd forgotten all about this, except my dad recounted this to my husband, several years ago, as if it were an amusing anecdote!

There were definitely good times in the mix, but I often had a feeling that I had to tiptoe around my dad in order not to set off his temper. He wasn't physically abusive, but he had a terrible temper and yelled at the drop of a hat. (No wonder I don't find the funny in Elly--and sometimes John--unhinging a jaw to yell at their kids.)

7:20 AM  
Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

howtheduck:

I am sure that deep down the Pattersons think good study habits are a good thing, as long as they don't get in the way of eating.

Yes. Eating and talking (usually simultaneously) is how the Pattersons bond with each other. By seemingly rejecting a chance to ramble on about her day with her mouth filled with tuna-arteriosclerosis casserole, April looks to Elly like she's turning her back on her parents.

[I don't know if this fits in with my post here but I think that despite their eagerness to eat, they don't really enjoy their food. If they did, they wouldn't muscle it down so quickly. I doubt they even know what it tastes like.]

7:54 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yeah, I was a similar sort of teen. Mouthy and sloppy and moody at home, but was a top student, responsible, etc. My parents for years acted as though I were the most horrible teen alive. Then, suddenly in my late 20s, Mom's friends (the mothers of my former classmates) began to be honest about what their kids had done as teens, as well as in college and later. My parents suddenly changed their tune about me and my sisters, which was a relief, but it came a little late.

I find it interesting you assume April is doing homework. We see a computer, and no schoolbooks or papers directly in front of her. It looks to me more like she's IMing with a friend.

Of course Elly chose to quit school because she wanted to. She went there to get her MRS and nothing else. She married the first bozo with financial prospects that she met. Not only is she full of a rotating bunch of excuses as to why she quit, but none of them make much sense. Furthermore, Elly claimed she wanted to finish her degree in retirement, but we have not seen her doing this at all. It is yet another thing she pays lip service to.

In reality, Elly thinks the most important thing is for a woman to be married with children. While she always went on and on about career and education, she wimped out on both. She owned Lilliputs for a mere ten years or so, and gave up on the few jobs she had before that quite quickly. She quit university, and when she did decide to get a crummy night school degree, it was in creative writing--a program not known for intellectual rigor that is fairly useless for professional development.

Now she has all the time and money in the world, and all she does is eat and yap with Connie. She looks like Humpty Dumpty in today's strip--worse than ever. After bragging on her great mothering skills, she does a crappy job with April and has a tantrum.

I would like to smash Elly's fat, hypocritical melon head.

8:00 AM  
Blogger howard said...

Ellie,

They both goggled at me and exclaimed in horror, “What, that’s all an ACT so you can LOOK GOOD?"

Great story. I hope your parents finally grew out of it.

10:04 AM  
Blogger howard said...

aprilp_katje,

He wasn't physically abusive, but he had a terrible temper and yelled at the drop of a hat. (No wonder I don't find the funny in Elly--and sometimes John--unhinging a jaw to yell at their kids.)

Quite understandable. What is not understandable is how Lynn Johnston could find it funny, considering her family background.

10:06 AM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2,

I don't know if this fits in with my post here but I think that despite their eagerness to eat, they don't really enjoy their food. If they did, they wouldn't muscle it down so quickly. I doubt they even know what it tastes like.

I don’t know about this one. The Pattersons’ faces as they eat, often seem to be in the throes of ecstasy over the greasy food coming their way. I remember Elly Patterson actually shed a tear over her tuna casserole.

10:07 AM  
Blogger howard said...

qnjones,

Then, suddenly in my late 20s, Mom's friends (the mothers of my former classmates) began to be honest about what their kids had done as teens, as well as in college and later. My parents suddenly changed their tune about me and my sisters, which was a relief, but it came a little late.

I think my advantage was that my mom was a school teacher in my high school and a single mother, so she was very aware of what other teenagers were like and what she did not have to deal with in me.

I find it interesting you assume April is doing homework. We see a computer, and no schoolbooks or papers directly in front of her. It looks to me more like she's IMing with a friend.

I see an open book behind the computer and we can’t see what’s on April’s left, but you are right that I have immediately leapt to the conclusion that April was doing school work. You have caught me in my pro-April bias.

Furthermore, Elly claimed she wanted to finish her degree in retirement, but we have not seen her doing this at all. It is yet another thing she pays lip service to.

That’s true. I wonder why Lynn Johnston never addressed any “Elly in retirement” storylines, aside from having her play with old slides and photos. I suppose that because Lynn is having trouble accepting her own retirement, perhaps she has no foundation upon which to base these stories.

She owned Lilliputs for a mere ten years or so, and gave up on the few jobs she had before that quite quickly.

The Lilliput’s storyline was a little bit of a disappointment. After years of going on about the importance of career and education, I was surprised when Elly started talking about retirement so quickly after getting the business (3 years before she actually did retire).

After bragging on her great mothering skills, she does a crappy job with April and has a tantrum.

One of the things the hybrid reprints did remind me was that Elly’s open-mouthed shrieking is taken directly from the same comedy method Charles Schulz did in Peanuts when his characters were frustrated. One of them would do the open-mouthed yell, and the others would flip or fall in that circular pattern he liked to use so much. Lynn Johnston has been using that same device for years without once realizing that it comes across differently when a kid yells in frustration and an adult does it as a part of parenting technique.

10:12 AM  
Blogger Ellie said...

Great story. I hope your parents finally grew out of it.

No, but I found a good counselor. *shrugs* Life is like that sometimes.

Lynn Johnston has been using that same device for years without once realizing that it comes across differently when a kid yells in frustration and an adult does it as a part of parenting technique.

So true. There is a threshold above which adults aren't supposed to get mad. Of course they do and can vent privately. But when a kid, even a nearly grown kid, sees the adult cross that line, it can be really scary. "Shit, what did I do? What's going on? Why is Mom acting like this?"

If I were April and snapped at my mom like that, then saw her react the way Elly does in the last panel, I would feel like the worst kid in the world. Or at least, quite righteously outraged.

Poor April.

10:25 AM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

qnjones, like howtheduck, I took the open notebook (as well as the stack of books to April's right) as shorthand for "homework," but true enough, we don't know for certain exactly what she was doing. In any event, I think that it wouldn't have been any skin off of Elly's nose to accept April's "in a minute" (but I sense you agree with that!).

Elly bought Lilliput's in 2000, so her ownership was considerably less than ten years. She sold it in--was it 2006? Dilettante! ;)

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, so she only cared about the bookstore for THREE YEARS before deciding a career was too much hassle? What a hypocrite! I thought she bought the store earlier than that (but that was in the period when I didn't read). Yep, getting her MRS was obviously the only "accomplishment" Elly ever cared about. She never cared about developing herself as an independent person at all. Gah.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say that I could understand if Elly wanted everyone at the table when dinner was ready. My mother used to insist on that. She worked hard to put dinner on the table, and insisted that we come eat when it was ready. And she was right: to do otherwise is disrespectful and thoughtless. Not just because she made the effort to make dinner, but because feeding us all at different times made more work for her.

So April should have gotten off her ass and gone to dinner, in my opinion. It's pretty rare for a high school student to have so much work they can't take 20 minutes to eat. But Elly should not have thrown such a childish, passive-aggressive fit and suggested that she would like to disown April. This is far worse than anything April has done.

12:29 PM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

And Elly doesn't even give any indication that there's a hard and fast house rule that everyone begins dinner at the same time. Instead, she's ready to fix April a plate. If April was really going to be there "in a minute," I don't see a huge problem. I wouldn't be surprised if, in the time it took for Elly to ask April if she was hungry and to offer to bring her a plate, she could have wrapped up what she was doing and gotten to the table!

1:44 PM  
Blogger howard said...

Unlike Michael Patterson, whom we have been shown having to be weaned off his computer by Deanna, I cannot recollect a strip where April had to be pulled off her computer to do something. Elly’s readiness to fix a plate, and her concern that April wasn’t hungry were the odd parts and undermine the idea of the group dinner. Actually those are the parts which make Elly look more shocked and concerned that April has turned into a person who does not jump to eat when offered food. If this was headed toward a “April has an eating disorder” then it could be interesting; but Elly’s shrieking about motherhood shows her concerns were more about her perception of trying to be a good mother and being rebuffed. On the other hand, given this strip, we may be headed towards a “You should eat with the family, April” storyline.

3:11 PM  
Blogger howard said...

Ellie,

If I were April and snapped at my mom like that, then saw her react the way Elly does in the last panel, I would feel like the worst kid in the world.

You can tell by this strip in 2007, April has grown so accustomed to Elly’s screaming, it no longer bothers her. She has progressed since this strip in 2004 and this strip in 2005.

3:12 PM  

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