Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Meredith Diary March 29, 2016

Dear Diary,

Boys are so stupid and I don’t mean Robin, because he can’t help it.   Prom is coming up at R. P. Boire and Ethan asked me like he should.  He put up a big sign in the cafeteria and gave me flowers.  It was so cool.  I love it that my boyfriend is a senior, even though my Auntie April is all about how her friend Becky dated a senior when she was a freshman and she went all roadside.   Her Becky is like Rebeccah, the mega pop star.  If that’s roadside, it looks pretty good.  Anyway, Aunt April is up at Guelph in vet school, so it’s not like I have to hear her lecture me about older boys. 

The problem was Ethan said we should take a ballroom dance class together because his parents have a membership in this class and we can get in for free.  I wouldn’t mind taking the class with Ethan, but you know it’s always way too crowded at school dances to do any dancing like that.   I was just talking about this to Grandma Elly and OMG, I wish I hadn’t said anything.  Grandma Elly acted like I announced I was going to rob banks and club seals with Ethan.  She and Grandpa John took some ballroom dance class back in 1987 and she could not stop talking about how awful it was.  "Her worst anniversary gift ever."  "Like driving a car with a stick shift."  She made me promise not to go, which I had to 'cause like Grandma Elly wouldn’t stop shrieking until I said I would.  I hate it when she starts shrieking.

When I told Ethan that my grandma made me promise not to take the dance class with him, he was all like “That’s a stupid reason” and he’s acting like I want to break up with him, which told him I definitely don’t want to do.   Anyways, Grandma Elly told dad about the class, and he was like, “Why don’t you find a nice gay boy to teach you how to ballroom dance?  Gay guys all know how to do that.  That’s how your Auntie Elizabeth learned to ballroom with your Uncle Anthony and got around Grandma Elly and her thing with ballroom dance classes.”  Aunt Liz and Uncle Anthony are the worst dancers I know.  I don’t know why my dad thinks they are so good. 

I was little when I was a flower girl at their wedding and I still remember the first time I saw them dance.   It was scary.   They were like jumping all over the dance floor and people were running to get away from them.  Second, why does my dad say these things about gays?  It’s so wrong.  Just because you are gay, you know about ballroom dancing?  And mom just goes along with him.  “Well, your father is the one paying all the bills since I quit pharmacy to run my sewing school and he knows all these gay people because of his film contracts.  Plus his friend Lawrence Poirier is super gay, so your dad knows all about gay people.”   Lawrence Poirier is the straightest, whitest gay, black dude I have ever met.  Saying you know gays because you know him is like saying you know transgender because you know Caitlyn Jenner.  My parents can be so dumb some time.  No help from them because they don’t want Grandma Elly shrieking at them either. 

Then today, I try to get together with Ethan after school and he says he can’t go because he’s taking the ballroom dance class with Shaniqua.   Boys are so stupid.   It’s not my fault I couldn’t go.  Why did he have to go with her?  She's so pretty and she's a senior.  He said he had to go with a partner and it's all I could do not to start crying right in front of him.

Dad came into my room to ask me why I was crying and I told him about Shaniqua and Ethan at the dance class.  He was all like "Shaniqua!  You don't have to worry about her.  Ethan will never go to prom with her."  Then he told me this story about how he dated some girl named Rhetta Blum and he was like "and I guess you could tell from her name why I didn't marry her!"  I don't know what he was talking about.  Dad can be really weird.  He doesn't get it.  Shaniqua is a senior and I'm just a freshman...who can't take dance classes because everyone in my family is afraid of my grandmother. 

My life sucks,


Blogger howard said...


Robin as stupid. This was a running joke towards the end of the comic strip because young Robin was shown repeatedly doing disturbing things like eating dirt more than once thinking it was chocolate.

R. P. Boire is the name of the high school where the Patterson kids went to school. It is a joke from Lynn Johnston on Our Pee Boire (to drink from the French). Kind of disgusting, but there it is. Lynn likes her bathroom humor.

Ethan is not a Lynn Johnston character but was the most popular boys name for Canada last year. He does not exist in the comic strip.

The ballroom dancing reflect the current reprints on John and Elly taking ballroom dancing. Ultimately Elly claims she loves it, but they look miserable the whole time in the comic strip.

Liz and Anthony were shown ballroom dancing in the final strip, but also ballroom danced in their bizarre courtship with Anthony doing all kinds of awkward lifts that looked nothing like ballroom and more like bad ballet for people whose limbs don't all work.

The reference to gays knowing about ballroom dancing is from the 2003 sequence where Liz learned to ballroom dance from Dennis North, who apparently knew how to ballroom dance for no other reason than he was gay. Lynn Johnston's attitudes towards gays tend toward the stereotypical as she turned Lawrence Poirier into a landscaper / florist because he was gay.

Shaniqua was on the list of popular African-American girl names. I wanted to go with a name that reflected her ethnicity. Mike's reaction is to refer to Rhetta Blum with the obvious Jewish last name, where back in the day, Lynn Johnston expected the reader to know she was not meant for Mike in the long term, for no other reason than the race/religion indicated by Blum. It was a very subtle prejudice.

11:00 AM  

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