Never Say You Were Wrong: Another Bad Parenting Tip from Elly Patterson
My initial thought, when seeing Elly Patterson’s face in today’s reprint of For Better or For Worse, as she says, “Once you’ve said no…you’ve got to save face…” is that “with that face in the final panel, Elly Patterson would be better off getting a new face.” That aside, let’s address the main issue of the strip, “Should parents admit they were wrong to their kids, or should they maintain their opinion in order to save face with their kids?”
I remember a line I was told in my youth by an elder relative, “Don’t ever apologize, because it makes you look weak.” Fortunately, by the time I turned into a parent, I was told a different line, “It’s important to apologize to your child when you are wrong. Your child can’t learn to say ‘I’m sorry’, if they never hear you say, ‘I’m sorry.’” Apparently Elly Patterson went to that old school. And once again, thanks to historical perspective, we know that the words, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” or “I apologize” never come out of her mouth.
Or do we? Thanks to the wonderful world of AMU reprints, I can actually look this up.
This strip from 3/17/1999 and this strip from 12/11/1998, Elly says “I’m sorry”. When Elly says she’s sorry for her behaviour, April’s response that it was OK because they were getting used to it, is the perfect response.
“I was wrong” or “I am wrong” do not appear in the AMU reprints from anyone. “You were wrong” or “Is there something wrong?” appear much more often.
In this strip from 6/26/1999, Elly talks about how she apologized for something she should not have apologized for. Elly apologizes in this strip from 1/27/2006. It shocks her coworkers so much, they ask if she is OK.
There you have it folks. In the years in the AMU reprints archives from 1996 to present, a period of 13 years, we have 2 “I’m sorry”’s and 2 apologies from Elly Patterson. Oddly enough, the most “I’m sorry”’s from a single character in a single strip of For Better or For Worse come in this strip. Yes, folks. In For Better or For Worse, it’s the villains who apologize.
I remember a line I was told in my youth by an elder relative, “Don’t ever apologize, because it makes you look weak.” Fortunately, by the time I turned into a parent, I was told a different line, “It’s important to apologize to your child when you are wrong. Your child can’t learn to say ‘I’m sorry’, if they never hear you say, ‘I’m sorry.’” Apparently Elly Patterson went to that old school. And once again, thanks to historical perspective, we know that the words, “I’m sorry” or “I was wrong” or “I apologize” never come out of her mouth.
Or do we? Thanks to the wonderful world of AMU reprints, I can actually look this up.
This strip from 3/17/1999 and this strip from 12/11/1998, Elly says “I’m sorry”. When Elly says she’s sorry for her behaviour, April’s response that it was OK because they were getting used to it, is the perfect response.
“I was wrong” or “I am wrong” do not appear in the AMU reprints from anyone. “You were wrong” or “Is there something wrong?” appear much more often.
In this strip from 6/26/1999, Elly talks about how she apologized for something she should not have apologized for. Elly apologizes in this strip from 1/27/2006. It shocks her coworkers so much, they ask if she is OK.
There you have it folks. In the years in the AMU reprints archives from 1996 to present, a period of 13 years, we have 2 “I’m sorry”’s and 2 apologies from Elly Patterson. Oddly enough, the most “I’m sorry”’s from a single character in a single strip of For Better or For Worse come in this strip. Yes, folks. In For Better or For Worse, it’s the villains who apologize.
posted by howard at 10:20 PM
8 Comments:
This puts me in mind of another non-apology from Credibility Lass; she says April has the right to feel bad, not that what she, John, Mike and Deanna did was bad. She simply cannot admit to being wrong; worse, she cannot allow herself to be overriden by someone who knows better as tomorrow's strip will attest.
Well, howtheduck, you always played ARB Michael as a no-apologies kind of guy. Now we see where his attitude came from. 0_o
DreadedCandiru2,
This puts me in mind of another non-apology from Credibility Lass; she says April has the right to feel bad, not that what she, John, Mike and Deanna did was bad. -
Those non-apologies were a common theme with Elly and April in the final few years of the strip as Elly attacked April for not keeping her sleeping area clean when she was forced from her bedroom to the rec room, and Elly attacked April for doing her homework, and Elly attacked April for not planning Elizabeth’s wedding, etc.
aprilp_katje,
Well, howtheduck, you always played ARB Michael as a no-apologies kind of guy. Now we see where his attitude came from. 0_o-
Exactly. To be honest, as I went through the AMU Reprints after keyword-searching on “sorry” or “apologize”, it became obvious pretty quickly that these are words said very infrequently by Pattersons in general and sometimes during situations where they shouldn’t be saying them. For example, the most times Elizabeth Patterson said she was sorry to someone was to Eric Chamberlain. She would accuse him of something, he would get angry in response, and she would apologize for the accusation. The morale of the story was pretty clear.
In fairness to LJ, I have to remark that in today's strip, she's making it clear that Elly is in the wrong. She has said, and I believe her, that she doesn't always approve of Patterbehavior. But one does wonder whether LJ's message is, "She's wrong not to reverse herself when her behavior in the first place was unreasonable," or "Her 'no' was unreasonable, but we all know that a parent must stick by her decision, however bad she feels about it."
josephusrex,
She has said, and I believe her, that she doesn't always approve of Patterbehavior. -
This is especially true in the strips from the first year. Elly has many moments of self-doubt and guilt over her parenting. It’s one of the reasons I like the strips from the first year. Unfortunately, her guilt always seems to be self-contained. She is shown feeling bad about how she has treated her children, but we never see the next panel where she tries to undo the damage she has inflicted. The joke is always about her guilt.
But one does wonder whether LJ's message is, "She's wrong not to reverse herself when her behavior in the first place was unreasonable," or "Her 'no' was unreasonable, but we all know that a parent must stick by her decision, however bad she feels about it."-
This is the essence of my argument. In the 13 years of the AMU reprints archives on this strip, Elly never says she was wrong. I cited 4 strips where Elly said she was sorry or apologized, and in each case, she has an explanation: “Menopause made me cranky,” or “I was just trying to be nice to my family,” or “I was lying about sleeping in,” etc. Based on that, I draw the conclusion that LJ’s message is “a parent must stick by her decision”.
I remember those; Lynn blames Elly's behavior on tension induced by overcrowding, April's busy schedule clashing with meal-time and wedding-induced stress. Never mind that Elly is the direct cause of all of those problems; her need to save face precludes any sort of sincere apology.
“with that face in the final panel, Elly Patterson would be better off getting a new face.”
Since we all know the future, we know that Elly did eventually get that new face. It just wasn't an improvement.
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