Tuesday, February 17, 2009

The Parental Curse – No thanks!

I remember the parental curse on your children was that their children would be just as awful to them when they are parents as they are being to their parents. By all accounts, I was a rotten child. I don’t remember too much of it, but I do remember later on in life meeting relatives who had not seen me since I was little and they would actually ask me why I had calmed down so much. The joke of the parental curse was slung about when I was younger. And then when the parenting moments came, you would see the sly, smiles on the old people’s faces when they saw their children being exasperated by their own children.

Well, I don’t wish that on my kids. I sincerely hope that my son who has Asperger’s Syndrome has great children, who hardly give him any trouble. He is going to have so much to deal with as he gets older, I don’t want to wish anything else on him.

I certainly don’t expect any verbal thank you from my son for having to deal with him when he was a sick kid or otherwise. I get payments from him all the time. He’s a huggy boy, with a wicked sense of humour. When he goes for a hug from me, I get thanked. When he is at a Boy Scout campout, and he tells a joke he has made up on the spot, I get thanked. When he thanks a waitress for filling up his glass at a restaurant, I get thanked. When he does his homework without being reminded, I get thanked. When some other adult tells me what a great kid he is, I get thanked.

I look at today’s reprint of For Better or For Worse and it makes sense as an exercise in selfishness. In panel 2, Elly makes a bizarre statement about how the kids kept her too busy overnight for her to think about herself. Then she follows it up with a panel 4 statement where she wonders if she ever thanked her mother for taking care of her. You could interpret this as a sudden realization that she has been so self-centred she is just now realizing, 30 years later, what her mother went through. You could interpret this as the author’s hint to her children that they should thank her for what she was currently doing. You could interpret this as a blatant attempt to get all the mothers who feel they didn’t get their just due from their kids to clip out this strip and send it to them. I think any and all of those work.

8 Comments:

Blogger DreadedCandiru2 said...

You could interpret this as a sudden realization that she has been so self-centred she is just now realizing, 30 years later, what her mother went through. You could interpret this as the author’s hint to her children that they should thank her for what she was currently doing. You could interpret this as a blatant attempt to get all the mothers who feel they didn’t get their just due from their kids to clip out this strip and send it to them. I think any and all of those work.

You could also interpret as making a big, ugly lie out of her claim that she didn't have time to think about herself. Elly surely wasn't thinking of Lizzie's needs when she thought-bubbled about sympathy turning into a snarl or shrieked in her face while shaking her. She wasn't thinking about Mike when she scared him so much, he ran into his room and stepped on something. What's more, she isn't really thinking about Marian either; she's hoping to get praise and sympathy for being a martyr.

2:36 AM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

Yup, I really don't like this strip, for all the reasons you suggest, howtheduck. Elly chose to have children and then begrudges them the care they need. No doubt, her mother did the same thing to her. It's so lovely to repeat bad traditions, eh?

4:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spot-on, all three of you...and Howtheduck, your commentary about your son and about "getting thanked" warmed my soul. Foob notwithstanding, the world needs more parents like you!

6:01 AM  
Blogger howard said...

DreadedCandiru2,

What's more, she isn't really thinking about Marian either; she's hoping to get praise and sympathy for being a martyr.

That’s definitely a possibility. The last line could be interpreted as a Elly giving Marian a backhanded “Thank-you”, while secretly hoping that this will cause Marian to sympathize with her.

9:11 AM  
Blogger howard said...

april_katje,

It's so lovely to repeat bad traditions, eh?

There are those moments when a parent realizes that they are doing the same thing their parents did to them, or doing those things they swore they would never do as a parent. Those can be startling realizations. In the case of Elly Patterson, she is blissfully unaware of her poor parenting practices and actually seeks praise and sympathy for them, while barely acknowledging that, compared to her mother, she is doing nothing new. She seems very insulated and unexposed to other parents and their methods. I think young Elly could have used a little exposure to what Shannon Lake’s mom had to go through.

9:11 AM  
Blogger howard said...

KAfree2fly,

Spot-on, all three of you...and Howtheduck, your commentary about your son and about "getting thanked" warmed my soul.

Thanks for the compliment. My son is in Grade 8 right now, and I am very aware that my time with him is limited. It makes you appreciate what you have when you have it.

9:12 AM  
Blogger April Patterson said...

howtheduck, the first collection has a strip where Elly is bundling Michael up as he's saying, "How can I walk to kindergarten, Ma--it's freezing out there! It's three whole blocks away! --I'll DIE!" And Elly says, "Michael, when I was your age, I walked 6 blocks to school and we didn't even own a car!" Then she looks sheepish while thinking, "...And I swore I'd never sound like my mother."

But I guess these moments were few and far between--and she never learned anything from them.

9:51 AM  
Blogger howard said...

aprilp_katje,

But I guess these moments were few and far between--and she never learned anything from them.

I don't know about that. She went from trying to reason with her kids using her own experience as a child to unhinging her jaw and screaming at them. I can't recollect any time when she shrieked at her kids and thought, "Just like mom used to do to me."

2:04 PM  

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