In Due Time
In today’s For Better or For Worse, Elly Patterson expresses a view on dating that I would say is almost completely inaccurate as far as my own experience goes. With respect to Connie Poirier finding someone, Elly says, “No. And I think she should stop looking. Relationships happen in due time. When you’re always looking, you just get depressed and frustrated.” It is interesting that Elly is professing a philosophy almost the same as the Elizabeth Patterson’s often-quoted “It will happen if it’s fate” belief about relationships.
I know from my own personal experience that had I not actively and vigorously pursued dating, I would not be married today. There are people, who either due to wealth or good looks, do not have to work at find someone. However, even a woman who is wealthy, can’t have a relationship with someone, if she is hiding in her house in Corbeil and only coming out to speak in Spanish to her accountant. You have to put yourself in a place where you can meet someone to have a relationship. For me, this was theatre, chorus, social dance, and church; all areas which are dominated by women. I dated women from all these places over a loooong time, and eventually I found a woman I wanted to marry and who wanted to marry me and she wasn’t crazy (a more crucial ingredient than you would think).
Dating serves a number of excellent functions:
1. If you stink at socializing, you will find out right away. Not only that, but after going on several different dates with several different people, you should get better at it, and not worse (like Elizabeth Patterson).
2. It humanizes the person who is with you on the date. When you just look at someone beautiful, it can be intimidating. But when you have to maintain a conversation with them, you can realize that they are a human being too. Of course, if they only have conversations with themselves using thought balloons, then you’ve learned something also.
3. If you date a variety of different people, it can help you learn what you do or do not want in a long term mate. For example, how are you going to find out you like guys who emotionally cheat on their wife, unless you go out with them?
4. You will find out first hand that there are some people out there so desperate, that even the slightest bit of affection on a date (like agreeing to let him carry your telescope) can be transformed into a marriage proposal.
5. You will learn that there are quite a few people out there who never learned to take care of themselves, and they are waiting for someone like you to come along and take on that role. Beware of the girl who eats only Kraft dinner and whose place is a mess covered in cat fur.
6. You will learn that dating is a numbers game. For every 20 dates you go on, 3 of them might be fun dates, and 1 of them might be spectacular (even if it involves bringing lists of attributes you want in a mate to a restaurant).
7. You will learn that a successful date is one where you and your date have fun, and you both learn a little about each other, like that little prison he has in his basement.
With Connie Poirier, we know she is going to date Phil Richards and Ted McCaulay, and end up with Greg Thomas. In this universe, Connie would have found Greg anyway, according to Elly. But we readers know that without her failures with Ted and Phil, Connie would have never taken the job in Thunder Bay which led her to find Greg. So there, Elly!!
I know from my own personal experience that had I not actively and vigorously pursued dating, I would not be married today. There are people, who either due to wealth or good looks, do not have to work at find someone. However, even a woman who is wealthy, can’t have a relationship with someone, if she is hiding in her house in Corbeil and only coming out to speak in Spanish to her accountant. You have to put yourself in a place where you can meet someone to have a relationship. For me, this was theatre, chorus, social dance, and church; all areas which are dominated by women. I dated women from all these places over a loooong time, and eventually I found a woman I wanted to marry and who wanted to marry me and she wasn’t crazy (a more crucial ingredient than you would think).
Dating serves a number of excellent functions:
1. If you stink at socializing, you will find out right away. Not only that, but after going on several different dates with several different people, you should get better at it, and not worse (like Elizabeth Patterson).
2. It humanizes the person who is with you on the date. When you just look at someone beautiful, it can be intimidating. But when you have to maintain a conversation with them, you can realize that they are a human being too. Of course, if they only have conversations with themselves using thought balloons, then you’ve learned something also.
3. If you date a variety of different people, it can help you learn what you do or do not want in a long term mate. For example, how are you going to find out you like guys who emotionally cheat on their wife, unless you go out with them?
4. You will find out first hand that there are some people out there so desperate, that even the slightest bit of affection on a date (like agreeing to let him carry your telescope) can be transformed into a marriage proposal.
5. You will learn that there are quite a few people out there who never learned to take care of themselves, and they are waiting for someone like you to come along and take on that role. Beware of the girl who eats only Kraft dinner and whose place is a mess covered in cat fur.
6. You will learn that dating is a numbers game. For every 20 dates you go on, 3 of them might be fun dates, and 1 of them might be spectacular (even if it involves bringing lists of attributes you want in a mate to a restaurant).
7. You will learn that a successful date is one where you and your date have fun, and you both learn a little about each other, like that little prison he has in his basement.
With Connie Poirier, we know she is going to date Phil Richards and Ted McCaulay, and end up with Greg Thomas. In this universe, Connie would have found Greg anyway, according to Elly. But we readers know that without her failures with Ted and Phil, Connie would have never taken the job in Thunder Bay which led her to find Greg. So there, Elly!!
posted by howard at 10:31 PM
30 Comments:
This strip is funny. It's funny because we know that Elly will become super-meddler when Liz starts dating. She then will enter a whole new sphere of meddling when she gives the much lauded "fate" the bird and destroys a marriage and Liz's healthy realtionship with Paul in order to bring about the "Settleocalypse" That is hilarious.
Truly the best part is the last panel as Elly looks at Annie with a rabid look of lust. I think Lynn has become so anti-man that she focuses so much on Elly's relationships wit women (see Elly and Connie at the teal and Lavender disaster)that I can't help at times to read Elly as a lesbian or she's willing to experiment due to John being an incompetant mate. That was not meant as a slam on lesbians but instead a slam on John. But it shows once agian how all the negativity in Lynn's life is harming the strip. But what else is new?
Beware of the girl who eats only Kraft dinner and whose place is a mess covered in cat fur.
::sobbing:: What about the girl who eats fish every night (well, almost) and whose place is covered in cat fur? I'm not so bad, am I!? ::sobbing::
It's true, though. You have to work on dating. Especially if you're not willing to settle. Love will not just come to you. Unless you are willing to seriously lower your standards and take whatever crosses your path.
The last panel is, again, stupid. Wasn't Anne's story supposed to be that she is an uber-Catholic? So, if Lynn is fleshing out Anne's story, why the joke about Elly worrying that Anne was looking to cheat/divorce? Sure, we got the hint that Elly thinks Anne is lonely, but where is the development of Anne's beliefs that mean she will never leave her husband?
::back to sobbing::
ruth,
She then will enter a whole new sphere of meddling when she gives the much lauded "fate" the bird and destroys a marriage and Liz's healthy realtionship with Paul in order to bring about the "Settleocalypse"
You know sometimes you have to work to make those relationships happen in “due time”.
Truly the best part is the last panel as Elly looks at Annie with a rabid look of lust.
Annie? I thought she was looking at me.
I think Lynn has become so anti-man that she focuses so much on Elly's relationships wit women (see Elly and Connie at the teal and Lavender disaster)that I can't help at times to read Elly as a lesbian or she's willing to experiment due to John being an incompetant mate.
I agree. I have seen the leanings toward Connie, in the wedding, as they walked about with their arms around each other, leaving April to make sure John got properly dressed for the wedding.
But it shows once agian how all the negativity in Lynn's life is harming the strip. But what else is new?
Elly lusting after Anne Nichols is new, and that was good enough for me. Lynn keeps coming up with stuff I wouldn’t expect, and it leaves me delighted.
qnjones,
::sobbing:: What about the girl who eats fish every night (well, almost) and whose place is covered in cat fur? I'm not so bad, am I!? ::sobbing::
Oh, qnjones, you know I love you. Plus, fish is supposed to be healthier for you than Kraft dinner. As for the cat fur, it would prevent my wife and my son from coming to visit you (terrible allergies).
You have to work on dating. Especially if you're not willing to settle.
You are the anti-Liz. All power to you.
Wasn't Anne's story supposed to be that she is an uber-Catholic? So, if Lynn is fleshing out Anne's story, why the joke about Elly worrying that Anne was looking to cheat/divorce?
This may be a reflection of modern-day Lynn. The Pattersons in her strip were never very religious to begin with, but they became less and less religious as time went on.
Aww. Well, I heart you too, Howie. If I ever got the chance to meet up with you and your fam, we would just go to a neutral, cat-hair free location. I have tried to dehairify this place, and it is a losing battle.
I agree that so far this looks like the lesbian version of FOOB. Not "lesbian" in the sense that the women are all having sex with each other. But in the sense that Emma is Austen's lesbian novel, exploring relationships between women and emphasizing their importance, and exploring possibilities of life without men, with the men/husbands as more peripheral characters.
Unless they are your future literary genius offspring. Then we must focus on every instance of their oh-so-cute and cleverly boorish behavior.
howard,
Your entry in today's Foobiverse reveals the other fundamental absurdity of Elly's premise. Not only will she, as has been said upthread, develop into a super-meddler who actively makes Lizthony happen, she married the only man she ever dated. Since she doesn't know the rules, she cannot, as you said, be a referee.
As for her odd look in Panel 4, it's fun to ascribe a Sapphic subtext to it but one does so in error. Lynn simply re-imagine which friend RevElly wanted to hear tales of vernal orgy from. Despite being a public prude, Potato Nose shares with Lynn the an unhealthy need to believe that she lives in a world of non-stop donkey bonking. This allows her to both satisfy her own lecherous impulses and feel superior to those fall prey to temptations.
::snerk:: I love your use of examples from Liz's dating life, howtheduck. :)
I agree--I met my husband by answering an ad he'd placed in the personals. If I'd just sat around waiting for "due time" to happen, I'd never have met him!
But what really distracted me about this strip, aside from Elly's wrongness, is Annie bottlefeeding baby Richard. As earth-crunchy as Annie was portrayed to be (at least in original-flavo[u]r foob), she's not nursing him?
qnjones,
But in the sense that Emma is Austen's lesbian novel, exploring relationships between women and emphasizing their importance, and exploring possibilities of life without men, with the men/husbands as more peripheral characters.
That has certainly been For Better or For Worse since the divorce, except for the part which includes “remembering your son and husband’s bad behaviour”, which accounted for about 40% of the hybrid.
DreadedCandiru2,
Despite being a public prude, Potato Nose shares with Lynn the an unhealthy need to believe that she lives in a world of non-stop donkey bonking.
I presume you are referring to her interview where she described Lynn Lake as a hotbed of adultery, and that everyone was doing it, except her. I thought her point there was to show how she believed Rod Johnston had been messing around on her with members of his staff back in Lynn Lake, because it was accepted there.
aprilp_katje,
::snerk:: I love your use of examples from Liz's dating life, howtheduck. :)
Thanks.
As earth-crunchy as Annie was portrayed to be (at least in original-flavo[u]r foob), she's not nursing him?
That surprised me too. After all, even Deanna nursed (for a little while). If Lynn really wanted to get us with earth-crunchy Annie, she would have her say, “Christopher, after I get done nursing Richard, it’s your turn.”
If Lynn really wanted to get us with earth-crunchy Annie, she would have her say, “Christopher, after I get done nursing Richard, it’s your turn.”
LOL. And Elly would pee in her pants and thought bubble something about "If they're old enough to ask, they're too old to nurse" (which is so not true--my son figured out how to ask when he was about five weeks old!). ;)
aprilp_katje,
And Elly would pee in her pants and thought bubble something about "If they're old enough to ask, they're too old to nurse"
That is the standard line, but Lynn would have to work it into some kind of nonsensical wordplay.
That is the standard line, but Lynn would have to work it into some kind of nonsensical wordplay.
"He's too old to nurse, but I feel old and I need a nurse"? You just know it would be strained as heck. ;)
howard,
I thought her point there was to show how she believed Rod Johnston had been messing around on her with members of his staff back in Lynn Lake, because it was accepted there.
Her actual point seems to have been to defame the hapless people of a blameless community because those few who might have been aware of an affair thought people's private business should remain private. Because they didn't rat Rod out, they're all as bad as he is. This same insane impulse led Liz to deal out to the guilty savages of the EVIL town of EVIL Mtigwaki a blanket condemnation because they didn't care that Paul had found someone who didn't jerk him around and make him feel humiliated.
I missed the non-nursing. Yes, that is odd. I might have given this a pass because back in the 1970s, breastfeeding was still making its comeback. Mom says that when she did it, she was considered odd. If this strip were from 1979-80, I would think maybe Lynn had never met a breastfeeder.
But this strip is from 2008. Surely Lynn has heard that there has been a big swing back to breastfeeding and would want to "modernize" this aspect of the strip too. I'm guessing it's the no research philosophy messing her up again. Because, even if Lynn thinks breastfeeding is gross, wouldn't she make Annie the Freaky Hippie do it?
qnjones, it's especially odd since she did have flashback strips (during maybe the second or third year or so) to Elly nursing newborn Liz, she had Elly nurse April, and Dee nursed both Merrie and Robin. And yeah, I'd expect the hippie-Annie of cloth diapers and making her own organic babyfood also to nurse, and not just for the first six months or first tooth, whichever happens first. Though maybe Lynn is retconning Annie's entire personality.
Yeah, this strip left me with just a "What???!!!" You have to be out there to find someone, and like Howard said to know whats right for you and what's wrong. Sometimes it might take awhile, but at least you know you didn't "settle".
DreadedCandiru2,
Her actual point seems to have been to defame the hapless people of a blameless community because those few who might have been aware of an affair thought people's private business should remain private. Because they didn't rat Rod out, they're all as bad as he is.
In many cases, that is the wise choice to make. Some people put up with their spouse having an affair because they still get something out of it. And that only works if no one tells them about the affair, and they deeply resent it if you do.
aprilp_katje,
And yeah, I'd expect the hippie-Annie of cloth diapers and making her own organic babyfood also to nurse, and not just for the first six months or first tooth, whichever happens first.
Plus she’s out of diapers, which implies no cloth ones.
Though maybe Lynn is retconning Annie's entire personality.
That could be. Perhaps Lynn is saying that Elly really should have 2 friends this time around, and so she is making Anne into a person who would fit that bill, instead of the super-mom she was before.
Anonymous,
You have to be out there to find someone, and like Howard said to know whats right for you and what's wrong.
Well, the setup is obviously for Elly to look down her nose at Connie, when her relationships with Ted and Phil fail.
howard:
That could be. Perhaps Lynn is saying that Elly really should have 2 friends this time around, and so she is making Anne into a person who would fit that bill, instead of the super-mom she was before.
Yeah. Because we all know Elly couldn't have been friends with someone who actually tried to be a good mom.
aprilp_katje:
Thanks for the info about Elly and breastfeeding. I thought I remembered her bfeeding April but wasn't sure. I'm thinking Lynn just had some kind of brain fart here. Or maybe Anne pumped breast milk and that's what's in the bottle? Did people pump in the 1970s? Or in this crazy mixed up limbo time that the strip is in now? :P
qnjones,
Because we all know Elly couldn't have been friends with someone who actually tried to be a good mom.
In the old strips, Elly was constantly being shown up in her parenting skills by Anne, usually to comic effect. However, new-run Elly is like modern Elly and can't be shown to have any faults. In keeping with that, I would not be surprised if Anne is being remodeled into someone to whom Elly can always look down upon.
qnjones, out of curiosity, I googled "breast pumps" and 1970s. Apparently, they did exist, so it's at least theoretically possible. :)
howtheduck, I was flipping through Just One More Hug recently and came across a strip where, IIRC, Elly was shocked to see Anne using store-bought baby food and disposable diapters--and Anne made a sheepish comment about it being because Richard is baby #2.
aprilp_katje,
howtheduck, I was flipping through Just One More Hug recently and came across a strip where, IIRC, Elly was shocked to see Anne using store-bought baby food and disposable diapters--and Anne made a sheepish comment about it being because Richard is baby #2.
If this is the way Anne was at the post Richard point, then it might explain why Lynn has chosen to jump to this stage in her life for a new-run relationship with Elly.
a. None of those strips where Anne shows up Elly’s parenting.
b. Next baby up is Leah with the 6-fingers, the imperfect baby.
c. The main storyline with Anne and Steve remaining after Leah is his cheating.
In other words, all stories where Elly looks good, and Lynn can do many strips on the evils of a cheating husband.
Gee, I was looking at the strip as an unintended slip from Lynn.
If Rod was lonely, would that explain why he was looking around?
(Bet that would burn her up if she thought someone may be surmising that a little bit of the failure of her marriage could be a little of her fault--)
I found the strip I was thinking of. Elly goes to Annie's house, and Annie is spoon feeding Richard as a box with "Dispos-a-dipe" on it looms in the background. Elly says, "Annie--are you feeding little Richard canned baby food? And are those disposable diapers? You were such a purist with Christopher! Home made food, cloth diapers--why aren't you doing the same with Richard?" Carrying Richard away, Anne says, "He's my second." Elly smiles at Anne's receding back and Richard's drooling face.
A couple of things of note: In Just One More Hug, Richard and Christopher seem to be roughly the ages they are in the new-run strips. Liz is around Christopher's age. Michael goes from age eight to nine! See forworse's collection recap for more details.
Another detail: Anne was seen bottlefeeding Richard in this collection, so I guess that's one case of consistency between old-runs and new-runs.
debjyn,
(Bet that would burn her up if she thought someone may be surmising that a little bit of the failure of her marriage could be a little of her fault--)
Lynn has swung wildly around when it comes to laying blame. Most recently she has laid the blame right on Rod, but back at the beginning of the year she seemed to accept some of the blame.
aprilp_katje,
Another detail: Anne was seen bottlefeeding Richard in this collection, so I guess that's one case of consistency between old-runs and new-runs.
Do you think that Lynn pulled up In Just One More Hug for drawing references to Richard and Christopher without thinking about how it was her 4th collection, or do you think she has intentionally skipped past the first 3 years of Anne Nichols?
Do you think that Lynn pulled up In Just One More Hug for drawing references to Richard and Christopher without thinking about how it was her 4th collection, or do you think she has intentionally skipped past the first 3 years of Anne Nichols?
I'm not really sure. Farley is most decidedly not a puppy anymore in that collection, so it'll be interesting to see whether she sticks with the original Farley introduction or somehow retcons them to adopting an adult Farley.
aprilp_katje,
That will be interesting. It will certainly tell us if she has jumped the storytelling up 3 years, which has been a little bit of a mystery so far.
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